[befuddled2]

I for once am starting to want another relationship but no one in mind. I did not plan on falling for Doug, the neighbor who passed but it just happened and it was so sweet when it did. I guess that now that the Holidays are approaching I am starting to get down and such. Last year I was alone both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Holidays are very depressing for people like me who have no one. I have a some neighbors I could probably see briefly but what do I do the rest of the day? I know that I should not be worrying about it now but I'm afraid I've already done so in the back corners of mind that nag at me about it until I get depressed.

I suppose when I get use to the hustle and bustle of school and such I should feel better. I have this echo in my head from my ex's voice saying how I'll never be nothing. It's been ingrained so much in my brain that I can't seem to shake believing it at times. I keep putting one foot in front of the other though and hope and pray that things will work out. I just feel as though I should have control over life and don't feel like I do to my liking. Perhaps that was my pitfall with my ex, with him controlling me it was out of my hands. I need to figure these things out no matter how painful it can be because I do not want to repeat the pattern of being with an abusive man.

befuddled2

[bizi]

I think you are speaking very wise words tonight.
This is very healthy sounding to me.
Yes the holidays are particularly hard when you lose someone close.
Jeff and I have worked at a soup kitchen for thanksgiving...it definately takes your mind off your own troubles...see how truly blessed that we are.
bizi

[Mari]

Dear Befuddled,
I usually spend Christmas with my Jewish friends.
We might see a movie. Most of the time, we go out for Chinese food.

It is better than going to visit a Christian family because if I am around someone celebrating Christmas I might get sad -- I don't like Christmas or miss it since I stopped celebrating it about 25 years ago but it might get to me to be close to others celebrating Christmas.

So I think Dec 25 will be Chinese Buffet day!

It's all very confusing because hubby was brought up Muslem and doesn't have any Christmas memories.

Anyway, I guess I am trying to say, that this can be a difficult time for many. But it doesn't have to be.

Christmas is Tuesday -- that's what someone on this board used to say. It doesn't have to be a day to feel sad. It is just another day.

Yeah, easier said than done.
I feel what you are saying -- even if I am too wordy.

Mari

ps
I will admit that I get sick of the crap that goes on forever with advertising on tv, the songs, the crap in the mall. I was out earlier in the week and saw the trees up in the mall. All of that can get annoying after another 8 weeks.

Some years I make a plan to do one thing that is important -- like go to a concert of kids singing Christmas songs, . . .

If I have a plan I feel like I can appreciate the time of year without feeling burned by it.

Thanks for putting up with my blabbering.

[befuddled2]

Thank you Bizia and Mari.

Bizi, I hear what everyone is saying about volunteering but since I took care of Doug all summer I've kinda gotten tired of doing for others. I just want for someone to pamper me and do for me for a change. I guess there comes a time in a person life's where they feel like I do. And thank you for the compliment about me talking wise.

Mari, chineese sounds wonderful. I don't mind your rambling. It is good to do so. I don't mind the decorations most the time cause I'm always wanting to decorate for Christmas. I may go visit my friend in the nursing home this Christmas.

befuddled2

[Mrs. Bear]

I agree with it being time for you. Pamper yourself. You deserve it.

I wish the holidays weren't so bleak. I still have a hard time with my husband. The holidays were always hard for him. I just try and give him space and let him talk about what hurts him when he feels like he can.

Maybe I could listen for you too? Seems like the best way to help this time of year.

[befuddled2]

Mrs. Bear,

Thank you. I would love that, for you to listen to me. The days are not so bad when I can go visiting the neighbors or out to the grocery store. I hope you hubby will have a better time with the Holidays.

befuddled2

[Mrs. Bear]

You betcha!

Even if I can't reply every day because of work, I try to read what's happening here. So know that I am listening. K!

[befuddled2]

Thank you Mrs. Bear,

I'll be spending Thanksgiving with a neighbor having a T.V. dinner.

Guess who's moving into Doug's apartment? doug's oldest brother!

befuddled2

[fiberowendy2000]

Did someone say Chinese food?

[Nikko]

Holidays always get to me too. I usually go into a depression, I am going to try this year not to. I don't know exactly why it happens.

Dirk's daughter is supposed to come the week before, for a week, so maybe that will make a difference. She is 14, then again, who knows. He will be working, so I am it. eeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

All I do know is so far, I am cooking for both T-Giving and Xmas, fun fun fun...I did it for so many years, I really don't enjoy doing it anymore.

Nikko