Dear Highhatsize,
I dearly hope that you are not dealing with guilt right now.
I would imagine that it is terribly destructive. I don't know how to talk someone out of guilt, so I won't. But maybe you can talk yourself out of it.

Your mental resources and research ability are a talent that you were able to give to your friend. All of that is good. You did that out of love and concern for her.
And you gave of yourself.

Mourn. Be sad. Hope that time is not neutral but healing.

I remember your posting about a friend in April. Is she the same person as the one in this post when you asked about meds and surgery?


That you have people around you who love / care for you is wonderful indeed. Let them help you. Ask for help.

M.

Whatever meds you need to get through, rely on them. I know the ideal is to have the least amount of meds with the most therapudic (sp) effect. But when external forces pull our chemistry out of whack, we have to adjust.

Bless you. I am thinking of you fondly.

Dear Friends, (& Mari, especially),

Yes, the question I posted back in April about the interaction of psychoactive meds and surgery was in aid of my girlfriend. She took many, many meds for Bipolar Disorder, and narcotics for back pain. But since, for the first time in her life, she was feeling "normal"; not subject to irrational impulses to "do" stuff, (in her case, usually, buy things), nor suffering from bouts of profound depression and shame from her manic acts, she didn't want to take any chances of regressing by d.c.'ing her psych meds for surgery.

The program was supposed to be to ease her back pain via surgery and reduce her need for narcotic meds, and then delete the psych meds selectively until she was taking only what was needed. The latter couldn't be done, however, until the interaction of the narcotic on the psych meds was reduced or eliminated.

We found that none of the meds needed to be d.c.'d other than on the day of the operation. In fact, it was important that some be resumed a.s.a.p. after surgery, (like Neurontin, for instance), because of serious reaction to their sudden withdrawal.

The "Why" of her death is still a mystery to me. It is as if her body simply lacked the energy to recover from the surgical trauma even though her will was strong. The attending physicians proposed multiple heart attacks and strokes as causal but they diagnosed those symptomatically. I don't think that they know either.

Her lungs were in much worse shape than she let on because of a lifetime of smoking, and I think that that was one of the fundamental causes of her death. However, I never remember her being out of breath or "winded" during our relationship. She would pause when walking, frequently, to ease her back, but not, (or, at least, so she said), for reasons of fatigue.

I still think of this event as a tragedy of theatrical proportions. After Sisyphean effort, we get to the top of the mountain, only to fall off the cliff.

Fondly,

Dear Highahtsize,

Indeed, you do describe a tragedy of theatrical proportions.
It sounds like she trusted you and had hopes of getting better. You gave her those hopes and those are great gifts.

Are you eating yourself up with "why" questions?
I hope not. You and she made decisions together based on what information you had and based on what was in your hearts.

I am sorry that you are suffering.
M.