[befuddled2]

http://www.legacy.com/TimesDispatch/...sonId=99028380

I'm the one with Rook and Ben. - Barbara

[Mari]

Hi, Barbara,

I checked out your picture. Maybe it was taken during a happy time. You look happy.

My BIL lost his exwife a few years ago.
He was torn up with lots of conflicting emotions. She was bipolar and left him after more than 15 years. He and my sis traveled out of state to go the funeral. I think that being at the funeral and seeing some of her relatives helped my BIL.

You were denied a chance to go to the funeral. And maybe you didn't want to go anyway.
But I think it is good if we find something symbolic to do to mark this change.

Can you think of something that would work for you?
--releasing a flower into a river
--taking a walk and having a talk with yourself about your time with him
--spending some extra time with a decent counselor
--a bereavement group
--doing something by yourself that you used to do together in good times

Then go back home and remind yourself what a wonderful person you are.
Buy yourself a little symbolic gift to mark your new free life.


M.

[Dmom3005]

What a beautiful picture of the three of you.

I am really glad you posted this here for us to see.

I have to admit, I have looked and didn't understand the
message. Thanks to Mari's post, I finally got it.

Donna

[befuddled2]

Hi Mari and Donna,

Mari, I have been looking at pictures and letters that my husband wrote to me trying to get me back to him. It's tearing me apart but then the more I think about it it had to be in God's plan for me not to know about my husband terminal cancer. He found out about the time that my neighbor Doug was in the hospital dying from what I hear. I would have run to my husband and took care of him had I know and it would have been too much on me. My husband had his mom to care for him in the end but Doug had no one but me. God put me where I was needed the most. Had I taken care of both when one was in the hospital dying and the other one getting ready to die I would have snapped big time. This way I had time to heal a little from Doug's death before finding out about my husband. It never ocurred for me to go to my husband's funeral although I would have liked to but it would have caused too much trouble. My husband's family hated me and was the biggest reason for the fights between my husband and I. I believe this was done on my in-law's own intentions to cause trouble between my husband and I so that our marriage would fail. It was true my husband had a choice and chose the wrong way but it was too late before he realized it.

Donna, what also hurts me is that my brother's have not even called since finding out about my ex-husband's death to offer their condolences. I called my cousin Johnny in town tonight and asked him if he's talked to my brother who lives out of state. My cousin Johnny said he called my brother at my brother's job to find out if he knew my husband died. But yet Johnny never picked up the phone to call me and ask me if I was alright.

Mari, I want to hear about my husband's life in the past year and that I feel will give me some closure. I want to hear from someone if he hated me like I thought I hated him. It's funny how when they die all the love for them comes back.

befuddled2

[Mari]

Originally Posted by befuddled2

I want to hear about my husband's life in the past year and that I feel will give me some closure. I want to hear from someone if he hated me like I thought I hated him. It's funny how when they die all the love for them comes back.

befuddled2

Hi,
A big part of me would want to know these things too.
But anther part of me would realize that these questions can't be answered to full satisfaction.

He's gone.

Sorry that you are hurting.
Going through two deaths so close together is much to deal with.

M.

[Dmom3005]

Barb

I can understand your being upset with your brothers. But then
maybe they just don't know what to say either.

Good luck with finding closure.

Donna