[befuddled2]

This is a trigger about death:











I've been depressed now for a couple of weeks with it getting so worse that I've been sleeping all day and all night. I've only been staying up maybe 6 hours or so. Today the phone wakes me up and I was asked if what the caller had heard was true.

Get this:

My ex husband passed away last Sunday. I know he was no good but I was with him for the past 12 + years and it is quite disturbing to me. Also, now that he is gone, I won't be getting anymore alimony. I just want to lay down and bury myself under covers from now till Monday.

befuddled2

[DMACK]

Befuddled2

Dear lady your in my thoughts tonight....

David

[waves]

i'm sorry sweetie.
i will keep you in my heart.



~ waves ~

[Dmom3005]

Barb

You are in my prayers and thoughts.

Please take care of yourself. I've been coming back here a lot
tonight. For some reason I was worried about someone.

Now I know why.

Please be safe.

Donna

[befuddled2]

Thank you all. What also really hurts is that my best friend knew my husband died from her best friend who lives by my ex-inlaws. Not one of my freinds who knew all this past week told me though. I'm sure it has something to do with me trying to get some money out of his death before it is too late. And my best friend had enough nerve to say, "your upset because you won't be getting any alimony now."

That hurt.

befuddled2

[moose53]

((((((Barbara)))))),



That

You must have all kinds of conflicted feelings about this -- about losing him, about being glad that he's gone, about the marriage really-really being over My EX died in 1996 (more than 16 years after I left him) -- I was really surprised at how hard it hit me. He was sick for about six months before he died. I spent that last week in hospice in the hospital with him and his wife and his son and our son. I had just left a couple of hours before he passed and I was the only one there when the priest came.

It's sad that a man dies young -- even if we do have negative history with them, it's still sad.

It's gonna be a real kick in the about the alimony. Make sure that you re-apply for all the services that you applied for originally -- you might be eligible for more due to changed circumstances -- Section 8 Certificate, food stamps, Medicaid, etc.

I've been in a kind of low-level depression for about six months. Not eating right or enough. Not sleeping well, but sleeping too much. Staying up until 3AM and sleeping all day. I finally got into a clinical trial for SAM-e which is a nutritional supplement, but, it's been shown to work well in boosting the effects of SSRIs (Prozac) and SNRIs (Effexor, Cymbalta). I was only in the trial for about two months and I've noticed a huge difference. It's nice to wake up without that cloud hovering over my head. Right now, I'm in a second phase of the trial. I'll take the drug on my own (if it ever warms up enough here for me to get to the pharmacy) and go back once a month for follow-up.

I don't know what to tell you, Barbara. I know you'll get over this -- you're a strong person (even if sometimes you don't feel it). You've got tons of support here

There's at least one of us (Moi) here that understands how conflicting it feels to have an ex-husband die I do understand all the kinds of things that might be running through your head

Try not to push everyone and everything away from you when you're feeling down. That was the ONE thing I did not do this time during this depression -- back away from the forums. I didn't go as low as I used to 20-30 years ago either, I think that's because I held on tighter and I learned from my history.

There's been way too much crappy/bad stuff for you this year. Maybe that means that's the end of it!!?? Hopefully, you can start the new year on a better, more solid footing WITHOUT THE DEPRESSION. I certainly hope so.

BIG HUGS (and love)

Barb

PS: I hadn't seen your second message. Some friend !! Call the Social Security Administration. I think there might be some sort of benefit off his account because you were married more than 7 years and neither of you remarried. I'm not 100%, but check it out anyway. If you want to keep that friend, tell her/him that "the remarks were rude and inconsiderate, that you have a right to know that someone that you used to love and were married to for a long time has passed away and it doesn't have a dang thing to do with money. It has to do with 'heart'."

[Dmom3005]

I believe Moose is right about the Social Security.

So please call Barb.

And I also think she is totally correct about the friend.

or ex friend if it turns out to be. I think you are truely
a great friend to all.

You definately deserved better treatment than you got.

And its too bad they didn't think so.

Donna

[Jomar]

[Call the Social Security Administration. I think there might be some sort of benefit off his account because you were married more than 7 years and neither of you remarried. I'm not 100%, but check it out anyway.]

I heard that too when my bro in law passed.
Something like -the wife he was married to the longest ? should/could file for benefits?
It's worth checking into it.

[watsonsh]

Oh Barb

They are right about the Social Security benefits you are entitled to somethng. Everything little bit will help and you deserve it.

Take it one step at a time. Feel how you want to feel right now and slowly it will pass and get better.

You are in my prayers.

[befuddled2]

Thanks everyone. I was only married to my husband for 6 years but I will check into the Social Security thing. There are all kinds of emotions going on with me tonight. Even though my ex was an abuser I still would have liked to said something to him had I known he was going to pass.

befuddled2