[scott76]

I have a brother-in-law with bipolar disorder and at the moment it seems he is having a manic episode with him showing alot of anger as well as delusions.. How can I deal with this? It feels to me that he tries to provoke me. If I do something around the house he goes behind me and undoes whatever I do.. I turn off an appliance, and he turns it on, I lock the door, he unlocks it.. And if I am nearby he will be giving me this sort of confrontational/angry/hateful look.. It is impossible to try to talk to him since the only responses I get from him are either nonsensical statements or just plain refusal. The symptoms had grown to the point where he went around the house drawing his special symbol (something like a combination star of david, crescent moon and squiggles) all over the place, on cabinets, calendars, table cloths, windows, doors.. I tried to get him committed, but at that time he hadn't been dangerous where I could see, and he was completely unwilling to go into any voluntary treatment. He started demanding his mom's car (his license is suspended). He eventually did find a key to the car, one I didn't know was left behind, so he took the car and went driving around, picking up an old friend with whom he had done drugs with.

I have to say that I lost my temper then because I was at work at the time and since his mom doesn't speak English well, I had to call 911 and talk to the police several times and then call his mom and the person at home who saw the car is missing. To make a long story short the police never saw him driving so they couldn't take him in, and when I got home I kicked him out the house. I knew the other people in the house were scared of him, but I assumed it was just brought to a head by his "borrowing" of the car. His mom didn't want me to kick him out, but I really had reached my limit (he had taken cars without getting permission several times before, usually just before getting arrested or getting some kind of traffic related violation) He came back the next day driving someone else's car, and seeing him back I told him to leave the house again. This time he went off verbally in the two languages he knows, I don't know what he said in his native language but in English he did threaten to kill me and my family.. Evidently he made similar threats in his native language to the other people in the house.. He also attempted to convince me how I was nothing, a false god, with his knowledge of things like arithmetic with infinity and of some kind of hand gestures that he related to various beings like Jesus, Buddha, Sau, and TH Omega T (at that point I was just listening, not responding to him, so I don't know where that came from) to I called the police and he has been at the hospital for the past week.. And will be for more.

Everyone in the house is scared of him getting out, since I am the only other male in the house and noone else would be able to prevent him from gaining entry into the house if he tried to force himself in..

I have learned in this short experience that pretty much any response I have to his actions seems to just feed his anger.. How can one deal with this? It feels wrong to me to just not put any rules or restrictions on how he behaves around here, but any kind of enforcement kindles his anger.. And if I involve any outside authority, he will compose himself and be calm and friendly and insightful, even though a few hours earlier he won't admit he is ill and gets resentful that we might want him to get treatment.


I hope the hospital stay can stabilize him, but I fear that given enough time outside the hospital, the same problems will surface again (as they have done so in the past).. I don't think that permanently kicking him out is an option since his mom will always let him back him (either willingly or her son will make her let him in out of fear).

He has never been physical with me (I am significantly larger than him, and also I haven't shown any fear or shying away when he starts yelling or pounding his fist on stuff when he doesn't get his way), but evidently he has done something to his mom and done things like yanking hair on the close family friend that lives there too.

I realize that in me losing my temper that probably helped feed his illness, but how can I otherwise react? My wife tells me to talk to him nicely, but from what I have observed, talk rolls off of him like rain off a turtle.. Getting in his way will stop him temporarily, but it seems to make him even more determined to do it.

I read through this just now and it is a bit rambling, so sorry!!! I could probably go on for thousands of lines about what I have observed about his behavior and my behavior and how we react...

Thanks for reading and if you have any suggestions (constructive ones preferred, of course) feel free to respond..

[scott76]

I think I accidentally posted this thread twice... oops..

[Curious]

it's ok scott. i took care of it.

welcome to nt.

[Mari]

Dear Scott,
The short version:
There is very little you can do except to help your mother in law with emotional support.

The longer version:
Google "NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness" for their web site.
They have meetings in towns and cities all over the country for support and information for family members.

Originally Posted by scott76

Everyone in the house is scared of him getting out, since I am the only other male in the house and noone else would be able to prevent him from gaining entry into the house if he tried to force himself in..

Try to work with his team in the hospital. Let them know that he cannot be released to his mother's home. The social workers might be able to find alternative placement for him before he is released.

I have learned in this short experience that pretty much any response I have to his actions seems to just feed his anger.. How can one deal with this?

Leave him alone. No one can reason with or respond to someone in the midst of mania.

It feels wrong to me to just not put any rules or restrictions on how he behaves around here, but any kind of enforcement kindles his anger..

Exactly.
It is possible that when he is released from the hospital he will have the mania under control and you can lay out ground rules -- for example, stay on the medication and the treatment plan. Again, it might help for you to have a therapist, psychiatrist, or social worker in the meeting when you lay down the law.

My wife tells me to talk to him nicely, but from what I have observed, talk rolls off of him like rain off a turtle.. Getting in his way will stop him temporarily, but it seems to make him even more determined to do it.

Your wife is right. You can't reason with a person who is in psychosis and/or mania, at least not without some special training. All you can do is protect himself and yourself by helping to make sure that his disorder is under control with medication and other treatment and that the mania does not show up. With his treatment team, you can come up with a plan about how to act when he does get out of control.

This stuff is not for amateurs!
Educate yourself about the disorder.
Keep reading on-line and get some books (I don't have any titles to recommend off the top of my head.)

Also, try to remember it is not all about you. He is suffering.

Good luck.

Mari

[waves]

Dear Scott,

WELCOME to NeuroTalk's Bipolar Forum!

My, you are dealing with a LOTTTT. Your BIL sounds QQQQUUITTTTE maniccccc. I did read all your post - it is fine, you had much to explain and answered a lot of questions we might otherwise have asked, and then some.

I also read Mari's post and she has excellent advice. Particularly about having a professional third party present when - eventually, hopefully - setting ground rules. I would like to stress the third party should be a professional and not a friend/acquaintance or such, who might later be intimidated if it came down to an "i never had that conversation" situation. You might also consider having the ground rules written down, and three copies one for each.

I want to add a couple notes here. First, as you educate yourself, also educate your housemates and encourage them to do their own reading as well. Second, a caution... should he get this way again:

Mania can present in many ways. Sometimes there can be a great increase in libido, which, along with his tendency for aggression and confrontation, add in what you said about his responses being incoherent (could be due to flight of ideas, loose associations, or psychosis) but bottom line is, he could just so happen to have a zinger of a sex-drive one day and whichever female/s are in the house might be targets for sexual advances... harrassment... and aggression. As you say words wash off him, and likely if a woman in a compromised position with him rejects him or even finds a polite way out... he can take it the wrong way, particularly if he psychotic, but even if not. he may even "interpret" a female's behaviour as being provocative and welcoming regardless of reality. he seems really out of touch. i hate to say these things, but i felt a strong need to alert you to this aspect of bipolar. Add to this, that mania disinhibits a person hugely and brings strong impulsivity, so a manic person is much more likely to act first and not think about it till they "come down."

NOT ALL bipolars experience rises in libido as part of mania, but some do - and when i say rises (no pun intended) i mean you cannot immmmaggggine; it is overwhelming. males, unfortunately can become "testosterone-bombs" if this happens to them.

I don't know how you might handle giving your housemates a heads-up without scaring the daylights out of them... and can't think of what they could do to shield themselves. i might suggest to avoid provocative clothing but with someone so far out, it probably wouldn't make much difference if they all wore environment suits. Perhaps you could ask a professional how this could be handled. hopefully there will be no such risk - hopefully he will remain in psych care and not reach this stage again.

listen i am sending you a pm as well... check for that.

do get counseling for yourself, even a psychiatrist - preferably ask if specialized in mood disorders - my current one is apparently NOT . You need support counseling, but medical insight regarding his behaviours might really help you as well.

i hope he comes out of hx much better and with a functional med asset. still do the contract/rules thing before his return. sometimes meds need to be tried and errored before a person becomes fully stable. also, returning from a stay in hx can be really traumatic. if he seems ok (coherent, cooperative, etc) but very troubled or anxious, he will need support from you. when i came out of hx, though i was not so severe, i was a crying trembling overwhelmed mess for a few days. and i read this is quite common.

there, i wrote a lot more notes than i thought. i hope they are helpful. heheh we could start a contest for long posts you and i.

keep posting. let us know how things are, how you are, ask questions, vent, hang out....

again, welcome.



~ waves ~ from across the ocean

[bizi]

excellant advise...
He may come home with an improved mood and more rational state of mine...this is the timer to then go over rules of the house hold...expectations from him if he wants to continue living with the family.
HOpefully he will come out with meds that willeven out his moods and take awy this delusional ideation. He will be placed on an antipsychoti for sure and a mood stabilser, even an antianxiety med.
keep us posted.
this sounds very challenging for you and scarey too.
let us know how we can help you.
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
bizi