Oh, the beach I miss, living in the southwest, I have the pool, and the mountains are beautiful. I sure don't miss those New England winters.

The holidays will be tough, I have some crappy memories of them, especially my big S episode one year between Xmas and New Years . Actually my last birthday (not this week one) last year I had another big S episode. My mom was so sick for a year on my birthday last year it hit me hard, she was on her death bed. This year my birthday I cruised through and made the best of it.

Halloween was my husbands decorating thing and all. Thanksgiving my mom and I are invited to my friends house here in the complex. Xmas, well I like Xmas Eve most, I don't know how I will handle that or NY eve. Maybe volunteer in a homeless shelter, I've been thinking about that for Xmas day.

My mom has no problem cooking a roast or making lasagna, she can't do a lot, if I was to volunteer, but then I would come home to dinner with her.

We aren't doing gifts, financially we can't. Unless, I do things like calendars from the southwest or knick knacks to send from here. I did order some real cute Xmas cards from the Humane Society to send out.

I keep dreaming about my mean husband, but in the dreams he isn't mean. Ya know it is hard to just shut off feelings, no matter what the situation, but I know it will pass, because I will never go back to him, he had his 2nd chance and blew it with me.

It's Friday morning at 6am, got up per usual at 5am made a pot of coffee.
Doggies have been out and had there biscuits, playing with there toys now.

Cockateils don't wake up until the sun comes up. My bunnies are so cute since I put them in the same cage, they cuddle so cutely. They love being together, I thought they would fight, but no.

I am all set for Monday, his prior's records from back East, my medical records, him not reporting to jury duty card. His mail that he was supposed to change his address with the post office. His breaking the Order of Protection by picking up his things outside 2 or 3 times. He is off the lease of our rental home, and will be served with my Order prior to going into court. Thank God, I have a court advocate that can talk for me if I feel I can't. I did my homework with the help of my p-doc and my domestic counsler case manager.

As far as reading, I have been reading a lot of magazines. I love to read James Patterson books, need to try and concentrate and get into one of his new books, I am way behind on reading his books that I love.

Looks like only Sunday will be a pool day, tomorrow is going to be cloudy and some rain, but in the SW that could mean for the morning only or a few hours.

I'll be okay, I have no choice, I made it through this far and last year with my mom being so ill for a year. Yesterday just blew my mind in the store seeing the decorations.

I rested most of yesterday. I really need to do laundry this morning, then my mom and I have to deal with her tire and switch my new tires to her car, cause next week they will come for my car.

Dealing with a sinus headache pain and pressure, hope I am not getting a sinus infection or sick. That's all I need!

My meds have been tweeked. I think I mentioned that in another post.

My friends in the complex invited me over Sat night, I will see how I feel.

One thing that bothers me, there will be no closure really to my situation, except divorce down the road if I can afford it. Even then he probably won't show. Maybe it's all a blessing, I have to think that way. I do not miss him, or lonely for him, just remembering the good times hurt, because it could of been different, no it couldn't with his rages.

I am so sorry for rambling on, venting, I guess I just need to. I am sure everyone is sick of this damn situation. Soon it will be past me hopefully so you don't have to listen to me.

I am worried about leaving my dogs here on Thanksgiving, but it's warm here, so maybe my friends will let me take them and they can play in there yard, because they have a cat.

Tonight I am going to read my magazines, do the crosswords, maybe start a book, and then watch the show Numbers, it's really good.

Okay I will shut up now.

Hugs, Nikko and my zoo.