It's raining it's pouring and I was snoring.

Belated Happy Valentines Day to all. I had a quiet one, nice card, chocolates and flowers. This too may not last, I really don't know anything anymore.

Haven't been posting much, busy with my courses, somewhat stressed due to my mom and issues.

Trying my best to keep my head above the water. Just tired and stressed.

I will make an effort to pop in everyday, I think I need to, it's just I don't know if I am in any shape to help anyone and I don't want to bring anyone down.

So,,,,,,,,,check in,,,happy thoughts to all.
Lots of Love and Hugs, Nikko

Dear Nikko,
remember this is a two sided street.
It goes both ways....
we learn to give and get support...
post whenever you are up to it...no pressure here.
I like it when you check in....how is the course work going?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Hi, and thanks........4 courses down and 18 to go, so far my grades have been,
90%,100%, 80% and 100%.

I have just finished chapter 5, so I will be taking that test soon.
It's the best thing I have done for the new year. I think in some way it helps keep me balanced and focused for awhile.

The weather was great the other day almost 80, so my girlfriend who lives here in the complex asked me to go sit down at the pool with her, and I did for a bit.

I was just in a jogging suit, sun felt good, the water was like ICE though. She had her suit on, she got some sun for sure. Then we took a walk to the convienence store nearby.

I need the sun badly, I mean I need to be in the sun, it helps me mentally, I feel some sort of connection, so I plan to do a lot of my reading at the pool when I go in my bathing suit for the day and all.

My dogs love their walks too, and it makes it so nice when the weather is just right. When it gets hot hot hot here in AZ, then I have to walk the dogs early in the AM and at dusk or after, due to the pavement on their paws, and just the heat itself.

Today it is raining, can't complain because it doesn't happen often, plus we always need rain. I even slept in today, the rain does that to me.

I am just in a funk, somewhat depressed, can't really pin point it, I just want some space and alone time I think.

Nikko

Hi Nikko and Bizi.

Nikko, I am proud of you for getting the scores you got so far in your online program.

befuddled2

Thanks, I took my 5th exam today and got another 100%, makes me happy.

Still raining. I am just sitting here at the computer, staring into space, my dogs by my side.

I hope to walk them if this rain lets up, which it will. It's only 6:30pm here now.

Dirk is watching a movie in bed. I am not very happy with him right now, yet it is most likely my fault, but I can't seem to help it.

I would of liked to have gone out tonight, maybe tomorrow night, yet I doubt he has to work tomorrow.

I should of called one of my girlfriends. Haven't even showered today yet, nor yesterday.

I sort of went on strike as far as the house too. I just don't care.

Nikko

Nikko

I think that if you got out it would make you feel better.

befuddled2

First post and first day here. I am a full-time US servicemember, happily married and proud parent of two. I have a happy dog and many hobbies and interests. Of the many helpful things that have come my way over the years is Randy Alcorn's book Heaven. I had just come back from one of many tours in the war on terror and came across this very hopeful and thought provoking book.
I am bi-polar and have, over the years, tending to fluctuate between being hyper-religious and being just very thankful that God has not smitten me I have always believed that this time on Earth is merely a blink in an eye of the time. My true home is Heaven and I am just a traveler here.
One of my favorite books is Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach. One of the quotes I think of often from this book: "Here is how you know your mission in life is complete - If you are still alive, it is not."
I have come face-to-face with death many times in my life. I do not fear it. I believe in what Nate Saint said to his son many, many years ago - in the 50s, as he was leaving his son to witness to a tribe of indians in South America, as showcased in the movie End of the Spear: "I cannot kill these Indians as they do not know Jesus - I do. I am ready to die, they are not." Nate believed that death could not take away what God had already granted Him - eternal life through His Son.
I believe that and tread lightly even though I am a fierce and dedicated warrior in the war on terror. I know that I could slip on a patch of ice and die just as easily as I could be sniped or mortared or bombed into immortality but I do not fret for - Like Nate - I believe that I am already immortal.
Because of this. I do not hate nor judge others for whatever they do to hurt me or others. This time, our lives here, is so very short.
I do get angry. I believe Gandi did have it right about us all being children of God and I am morally angered when people kill each other in the name of God. For this reason, I continue to soldier on - that peace may be promoted and war be lessened. I do not, however, think that we will ever get rid of war. In this respect, I am a realist.But, this is not all there is.
Just wanted to share a few opening thoughts. I'm going to go play frisbee disc golf now and enjoy the sun and continue to ponder my studies - I'm fortunately not on tour right now. Currently I am full-time enrolled in a Masters program and a year hiatus from service. Most likely, when I graduate this fall, I will redeploy for yet, another tour. It's O.K.
Today, however, the sun waits - the sky is blue - and flinging a frisbee is something I can imagine doing forever - might as well begin here. Do something fun today that you can imagine doing forever.


John 16:33 “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” Jesus

I'm so much better this weekend! I got better steadily throughout the week, less and less agitated and confused, and gradually calmer and more focused.
I've had some bad days and nights of crying and depression, but a visit to my therapist on Thursday, and to my son's psychologist Friday, gave me hope that I could handle the stresses that have been overwhelming me.
I've been able to call friends and family back today on the telephone , after being incommunicado for about a month. I caught up on some unpaid bills before they got reported to a credit agency. Did laundry. Returned overdue library books. Etc.
I talked to my therapist about hospitalization. I might do partial hospitalization program - 6 hours OP during the day. I have to talk to my pdoc first.
I hate this disease so much. But I'm so happy that I'm feeling back to myself. I hope it last more than a week or two....