[DiMarie]

I have had some life long anxiety issues with my 12 year old. As I think back when anxiety thoughts started my Dad was living with me providing care for his N-stage colon cancer that spread. Katie had a "thing" of death and skeletons, afraid to fall asleep that death would happen. She outgrew that part, but never liked trips, the "How long to get there, and get back". I had/have this too.

Then Dad passed away, My Mom a year later then last year here sister. In school if others teased her about -her hobbies, computer games, her hair looked gray as it is ash blonde, she took it very deeply. She abslolutly did not want to retun to school last Sept. She cried for home school or tutor as she had belongings taken and passed around there room for her to chase down.

At Christmas break she was pinched, very hard the bruise was there two weeks later to show at school. She tried to go to school but had anxiety attacks, was forced by guidance counselor to go crying. Waited to Katie to wipe face and take a breath to go in. One other day Katie went as As =Principle called on speaker phone to husband and I that it was not about feelings or emotions it wa a legal truancy issue. Katie went knowing she did not want me arrested. She was trying to go, at night she would plan outfit for the next day...but started with insomnia, up all night after a few hours sleep, sometimes up for 30 hours.

Getting long.
But bottom line, at home she is a different kid, normal, healthy appiatite, except for not sleeping or wanting to leave the home. She is adamant against medication, I am too....I saw what theraputic doses did to her sister, as did she.
I just wonder for others that were young on meds, did medicate a child how did it go, was it the turnaround for the child, any positive or neg thoughts.
I just think it is behevioral issues, and maturation will help as it did me, also that it is not chemical levels or imabalance, why medicate?
Lots of prayers needed anyway for us. It is really taking a toll on me emotionally.
Di

[Mari]

Hi,

What a shame that she has to deal with those awful people at school.

Has she been diagnosed with anxiety? It might help to at least get a dx from a pdoc. The staying up late could indicate something beyond anxiety (OCD, depression . . .) Some children act completely different at home and school. Some do well at school but not at home.

Originally Posted by DiMarie

One other day Katie went as As =Principle called on speaker phone to husband and I that it was not about feelings or emotions it was a legal truancy issue. Katie went knowing she did not want me arrested. She was trying to go, at night she would plan outfit for the next day...but started with insomnia, up all night after a few hours sleep, sometimes up for 30 hours.

This is another reason to get a diagnosis -- in case you need it for school administrators.

How about counseling instead of medication?

I've read that girls your daughter's age build self-confidence and improve their ability to deal with their own lives and with others by getting active in sports. Is there an actitivity she can join? One that she would not have anxiety about?

That school sounds like a pit. I hated every minute of school, and I would hate dealing with the bureaucracy as an adult.

'Sending prayers.

M.

[DiMarie]

Hi Mari,
She is seeing a therapist that is association with the areas top adolecent psychologist. I tried to get an appointment and it is June 15th, the other referral is a woman in Phila areea and no openings. The school had a meeting with the family and school official. The Principal was out sick so guidance counselor and school district assistiant to the superantanent attended. the plan was that the LCSW could not make the diagx, the name I was given would see her, that is not an option due to her schedule, her Pediatrician does not feel comfortable to diagx for anxiety until he has more records from LCSW, or PhD see;s her. So we are trying to get school system to agree to a MAsters at the behavioral center to see and diagx to start homebound. This takes off the book the truancy issue the Principal was using against her.

Daughter would NOT attend her awards ceramoney for the Culture arts photography she has placed, local, districts and States now. HEr portfolio from prior year places for last 6 years of awards was to be displayed. She tried to go, had me di her hair...and could not do it, had anxiety take over. Told her Dad, that the Principal would give the award and shake her hand and she could not face seeing him.

Three occasosions she discredited her emotions and concerns of safety, Whether it is her perceptions, she was pinched which was an assult....school states it is safe there and erronous for home schooling. Thank goodness the asst superentanent attended and overroad that option.
But I still need a phD diagx, There is going to be an IEP, based on a 504 under the Americans with disability Act for disability accomadation.
In Sept I and thinking to give her two years to mature, as I did to help me, not cure me; I would enroll her in the PA Cyber school.org. monies from the school district for the student will pay for the course.
BUT she has to have therapy to disapline herself. She does not dress, has even attended appointments in lounging PJ's, Drag her to shower and I have to do her hair it is waist/ no below the BUTT length. LONG PRocess.

Spends tons of time reading, keeps up on school work sent home, not much being sent. The bully, the school will not address as she will not feel free to name names...
So I do not think from March to May she will get back to traditional school.
Thansk for the input. The only way I am going to get through this is brainstorming and caring friends.

She must also be holding in about grief too.....wants people to like her at school, hurts more then usual when someone had a differing opionin. So some is perception, but it should be given credibility, not said to not be an issue to school. Since Kindergarten the records reflect anxiety,
I hope for a diagx school accepts, the therapist can help, she does not want to talk and I am giving no is not an option.
The Advocate, educational Advocate is costly but the school folks were afraid of her, she got to the point and made request and protected ny daughters rights..
My hero!
Thansk for thoughts and prayers all
di

[Mari]

Hi,
My 16/17 year old cousin was sleeping all day and refusing to go to school. His parents sent him to therapy. They thought he was suffering from depression but I don't think that they ever got a dx. Finally his parents pulled him out of the private school because they were tired of paying the bills when he wasn't even showing up.

When he started public school for the new school year he did fine. In fact he is thriving. I don't know if he "grew out" of it or something changed at home. More likely, he is in a better environment. He has a better fit. He has school friends from his own neighborhood and so on.

Originally Posted by DiMarie

Hi Mari,
The Advocate, educational Advocate is costly but the school folks were afraid of her, she got to the point and made request and protected ny daughters rights..
My hero!
Thansk for thoughts and prayers all
di

The Advocate is extremely important for you.
I used to teach and I attended one or two of those meetings and heard about others. Teachers and school admin do not like to make accommodations. They want to think that everybody is the same . . . And I've seen them try to bully and intimidate parents.
Sometimes it takes a freaking lawyer and threat of a lawsuit to get them to do what is right for the child.

It sounds like you are on the right track.

It sounds like your plan is to start homebound now and then have her do her school work on cyber school.
That's all good.

She has a lot of good going on with her photography and her love of reading.

Mari

[mrsD]

I found a wonderful book at last years library book sale...I suggest you get it.

The Odd Girl Out:
http://www.rachelsimmons.com/index.htm

She interviewed many adult women and found similar stories about being
socially bullied in school. Then she decided to interview the girls themselves IN schools across the country. The resulting book is disturbing, but also cathartic. Girls can be very very cruel, to others and they seem to pick
victims. Understanding this dynamic may help overcome the cruelty.

As far as helping a sensitive young person, I'd try some inositol first to see if that helps. My husband and son had good results with this, and it was easy to do.

We buy the powder online at iherb.com
Start with 500mg/day and work up. Psychiatrists use very high dose up to 15grams daily for OCD. We found that 2 grams/daily was very effective.
I'd have supervision for anything over 5 grams.

Locally purchased inositol is expensive.
This is what we use:
http://www.iherb.com/ProductDetails.aspx?c=1&pid=126

It mixes into juice with no taste...it is pleasant actually.
Since SSRIs are the first line for social anxiety --you can also try to
increase serotonin naturally yourself. B6 (preferably in P5P form) and
L-trytophan may work as well. But I'd try the inositol first. We've been using it almost 2 yrs now, and my husband is MUCH more comfortable with people as a result. Wish I knew about it in the past.

Basically I think the best method for dealing with anxiety is to keep active and confront it. Doing "something" rather than obsessing, helps dilute the feelings and helps build esteem. Therapy can help with this, but the patient herself has to do the work.

Good luck.

[Pamster]

Originally Posted by mrsd

I found a wonderful book at last years library book sale...I suggest you get it.

The Odd Girl Out:
http://www.rachelsimmons.com/index.htm

She interviewed many adult women and found similar stories about being
socially bullied in school. Then she decided to interview the girls themselves IN schools across the country. The resulting book is disturbing, but also cathartic. Girls can be very very cruel, to others and they seem to pick
victims. Understanding this dynamic may help overcome the cruelty.

As far as helping a sensitive young person, I'd try some inositol first to see if that helps. My husband and son had good results with this, and it was easy to do.

We buy the powder online at iherb.com
Start with 500mg/day and work up. Psychiatrists use very high dose up to 15grams daily for OCD. We found that 2 grams/daily was very effective.
I'd have supervision for anything over 5 grams.

Locally purchased inositol is expensive.
This is what we use:
http://www.iherb.com/ProductDetails.aspx?c=1&pid=126

It mixes into juice with no taste...it is pleasant actually.
Since SSRIs are the first line for social anxiety --you can also try to
increase serotonin naturally yourself. B6 (preferably in P5P form) and
L-trytophan may work as well. But I'd try the inositol first. We've been using it almost 2 yrs now, and my husband is MUCH more comfortable with people as a result. Wish I knew about it in the past.

Basically I think the best method for dealing with anxiety is to keep active and confront it. Doing "something" rather than obsessing, helps dilute the feelings and helps build esteem. Therapy can help with this, but the patient herself has to do the work.

Good luck.

Excellent suggestions MrsD as always your advice is right on the money. I am so glad you post with us here in the BP forum.

I am so sorry your daughter is having trouble at school, I was a victim of bullying and teasing and sometimes physical assaults too. It definitely affected my confidence level and all. I had anxiety about social functions and used to NEVER go anywhere other then the library, home and school. The only thing that helped was after my accident when I took classes over the phone. That was so much better, but its not the way to go in this situation since she is able to make it physically to school. I had become disabled and that changed the kids' attitudes towards me dramatically, but I've always said it shouldn't take an accident to make people SEE you as a real person with feelings and emotions.

My best wishes go out to you and your family in dealing with this, hang in there and don't give up, getting the advocate was worth it it sounds like. Keep us posted on how her anxiety levels are as she progresses in therapy, good luck!

[Dmom3005]

Di Marie

I am so glad to read you had a wonderful advocate. As I imagine you know
that is what my job is here. Except for my parents I'm free. I'm paid
by the non-profit I work for.

But I love my job and any good advocate does. We go in and do what we
can for our kids.

Donna

[Mari]

Dear Donna,
That's great that you work as an advocate for parents and their children. That's an important service for the families involved.

Also, someone needs to keep the schools on their toes.
Mari

[Mrs. Bear]

I wish I had something productive to give you. In my experience with Wes, we have never been able to medicate his social anxiety. It is a huge trigger for him and he has been unable to attend public school.

From what I have read, I see you are doing everything possible for your little girl. I think she will make it with all of the support you have put in place for her. You are great mom and a wonderful protector. Awesome job, Di.

I feel your frustration. I hope you can see that you are doing what is best for her. I hope you also see what wonderful things are coming her way because of what you have put in place in her life to safe gaurd her.

Meds aren't truly the answer to everything. I have always felt they are the last resort, and once we have to take them, we have to stay on top of them and make sure we keep taking them.

I see you looking for every option before you have to go there. I feel this is an extremely logical process.

Big HUGS. Hang in there, momma!

[DiMarie]

Originally Posted by Dmom3005

Di Marie

I am so glad to read you had a wonderful advocate. As I imagine you know
that is what my job is here. Except for my parents I'm free. I'm paid
by the non-profit I work for.

But I love my job and any good advocate does. We go in and do what we
can for our kids.

Donna

How wonderful Donna, you are so valuable! I have the kids in my visitation program I advocate for, but can;t get a crediable word in to the school system. A total lack of support for parents with kids in crisis. Even the lack of handling the teasing and bullying is horrific.

THis advocat was self employed, referrals from attornies and child case workers. She is $100 for consult and $30 an hour, plus mileage. It cost me $178 but she had those school folks scared! She had a big set of Kanoogies. She has panic disorder too....
How amazing we can overcome and help others.
Even on the forum, so many here have a special gift of support, caring and just I am here hug to give.
THe most difficult time I am having is getting school work, and Katie going to the therapist. IT is stressful and a battle. After all, she feels it is not her it is the bullies.
Well, have to shower for work, something how you can help others but, not your own?
hugs and love to you all my dear forum family
di