Hi,
I like this one. I have told myself this many times when I need to feel ok.
M.

Thanks mymorgy. Wasn't that a unskilled classification that she put me into. She missed the real problem by a hundred miles,and was quick to label me by something that I said about myself that I did about the symptoms more then 25 years ago,and that does not define me whatsoever anymore. I'm by no means a substance abuser. That makes me agitated. That's more of a quick unskilled judgement. I hate it. I've been injured by people who have done this before. They shouldn't be to quick to speak. That's my two cent's worth. Gosh that makes me angry. I've heard hundreds of these things over the span of my illness. I'm going to have her call my psychiatrist tomorrow again. We called him last week, and they where gone. He's not been there allot recently. Thank you Peace of mind. I appreciate your input. I hope that you are doing well. Thank you Mari. That's a healthy way to look at it,and that's what it is. It's a genetic flaw that has come down the family tree. There are a few people on my Mothers side of the family that show signs of OCD,depression,and other problems. This is a little off the subject,but my Grandmother on my Mothers side died of ALS,or Lou Gehrig's disease. My mother died with MS,and My sister has developed MS. It's rare for this to happen in a family. On my Dads side there is Anger,wrath,alcoholism,and cancer. I never knew what kind of mood he was going to be in when he got home. He became a alcoholic,and he would explode with anger,and I'd be hurt with the shrapnel of his words. His three big brothers where the same way. My cousin in another state said he was mean to people until the day he died. He died of cancer,and so did one of his other brothers. His other brother was murdered,in front of his Supermarket in the 70's. These guys where waiting for him. When he was locking his store,they came up to his back,and shot him. No one knows why they did that.They where not robbing him,they executed him. He was my favorite uncle. It didn't make any sense. I loved him. He was the only Uncle on dad's side of the family, that lived in the same city that we did.

You know what I think might help you... getting involved in activities that are empowering. Go for an hour long walk and get those endorfines flowing through your body. Buy a yoga workout for beginners and do that once every other day. I recommend Yoga for weightloss, with Suzanne Deason by GIAM. The title is meant for selling purposes, but it is a good soothing well rounded solid workout that really calms me down. I always recommend Yoga to people because I was able to cut my medicine dosage in half due to it and I actually feel more calm now than I did on 200 mg of Zoloft for OCD.
hmm.. what else. Write down 10 achievable goals and take proactive steps towards achieving them. Some of them can be centered around helping other people, for instance as a single, working mom, I make goals centered around spending quality time with my son and or nieces. Like planning a play date for them, buying them gifts etc. Doing things that make them feel good make me feel good.
Also, before my boyfriend died two years ago of cancer, at age 29, he told me never to allow myself to be a victim of anything, not even myself. And I have followed his advice, "he said "always pull yourself by your boot strap" which denotes a self sustaining process. Being a victim of a genetic problem is one thing (it's not your fault that you have it) but don't allow it to control you or victimize you. You will not allow yourself to be a victim of it. There is a song that says "Fake it, if you don't belong", but it's true! After awhile of "faking it" you can develop a network of supportive friends, even if you are forcing yourself to be positive. You might actually start feeling positive and good in the process. Your friends may not know the difference and might start seeking you out.
The key with being positive is to not to be so optimistic that you are lying to yourself, but always tell the truth. For instance you wouldn't want to say todays going to be a great day ,everything will be perfect, you would say I'm going to make the best of this day and get some things done. Also, don't put so much pressure on yourself to 100% better. Even if you feel 20% better that is tremendous progress so feel good about it.
In terms of your finances, take steps towards sustaining yourself. Take baby steps make yourself a resume, even if you don't think you can work. One thing I've learned with the major agitated depression is that working, excising whatever helps use up the adrenelyn, actually allows you to have some peace at the end of the day. Ask your family to help you put together a resume or find a job. They may actually appreciate your proactiveness. In terms of my family, I avoid talking about my psychological problems, I opt to call my psychologist and or counselors or go to forums like these. Generally unaffected people don't like hearing about that stuff they don't actually understand it or are in denial about. If they don't want to hear about it don't force them to. When with them engage yourself in relaxing and light hearted activities, even if it's just watching a funny movie. I hope these suggestions help... they have been a life line for me. I hope they don't sound harsh, they really do work and add to the quality of your life. It takes time though.... Good health to you!!!

Thank you Peace of mind for your input. I appreciate your concern,and advice. Thats very nice of you. However,right now my situation is at a strange crossroads of some type that I have never faced before. My anxiety has become so bad,I don't know what to do. I appreciate the advice on how to relax. As far as the job goes,that's out of my hands right now. I'm upset. My circumstances are at a different point,in timing. I have a binding contract with a lawyer,and my family,and I have already made a résumé for me,and I have already sought employment,and have been employed,and have had another bad experience. This is not a excuse,and there is a time for everything. I came to this web post in serious condition,and have anxiety,and hurt feelings,and mood swings that I cannot cope with. I'm so depressed that I have come to a standstill. I am looking for serious professional help. The torment in my mind has risen day,and night. I have been hanging in there over,and over,and over again,year,after year,after year.There was a time when I could relax,and look at the stars,and meditate peacefully. I read the," Power of Positive Thinking", by Norman Vincent Peale,and found that to be a great help. I read a book called," Telling Yourself the Truth" that I found to be very helpful. I read the book,"Poems that touch the heart",and it was soothing. I started meditating on many peaceful things,and thought about things optimistically in a way that I had never thought before. I read the Bible.That helped me out greatly. Many of these things are still in my mind,and in the back of my mind. I do have some friends that I have similar hobbies with,and I don't tell them a thing about how I feel. It would only drive them away. It goes along with that old saying," if your smiling,they whole world smiles with you". This is so true. If I would said any of these things that I am pouring out of my heart to anyone ,I'd have people backing away from me. However, no one on this web site knows who I am,and I'm talking about my problems now in desperation.This web site is for that I hope. I'm just a unknown person on this site,who's only motive is to get help. This is a rare thing that I'm doing for myself, because I need help now,or I'm going to have problems so severe,that I'll have a complete breakdown. I had plenty of exercise walking just under a mile to work,and lifting great weight in the bail room of a supermarket,and moping floors,and running back,and forth in the store each day for 14 years.Then I would walk home. Sometimes I would go through periods where I was exhausted for days like most people at one time, or another. I got harassed at work for no reason. OSHA doesn't seem to help you unless you get physically hurt. Thats the thing that bothers me,and has accumulated over time. It's not the work,it's the people at work that hurts me. They see your having problems,and they try to make them worse. I have a hard time ignoring it now,and have become wounded,and agitated. I'm a sensitive,honest,and sincere person. I care about my work,and about other people. After 9/11 things got much worse,and other situations where compounding. It's like I've said,I'm at a strange crossroad, that I've never been to before. I do try to think of positive things,but I seem to be spiraling downward for some strange reason that I don't understand. I haven't done anything to deserve it. I'm so anxious,and depressed,and I've been writing on this web site because I'm at the end of my rope. My anxiety has become uncontrollable,and has me upset. I really appreciate your words though. I'm on a course of seeking drastic professional psychiatric help from whoever knows how to treat this illness that has put me in this dilemma. I do appreciate you trying to help me. Thank you so much. You are a good person. I hope that your condition continues to improve. I wish you well,and it sounds like your situation is a hard one. Keep up the good work. The only thing that helps to remove that pain in the middle of my chest is massaging that area. I bought one of those Target electric massagers,and I try to massage the middle of my chest,and try to press it under my left rib,and that helps a little. Then I massage the left part of my back,near my kidney area. That brings some relief from the pain caused from anxiety. I have that pain right now. I think that Mari is right in the area of getting another psychiatrist,and getting a medication change. The medicine that I take is to small to deal with chronic anxiety,and mood swings,and depression.