Dear BJ,
I send my condolences on the loss of your parents. That is a lot to deal with, especially in a short amount of time.

Your pdoc should give you meds that help "stop the committee in your head."
When do you see the psychiatrist again? In a day or two if you are not feeling better you should telephone and let him or her know that you are still not sleeping.

How much Abilify do you take and what time of day?
Some people do well on Abilify and some people do not. You need to let the pdoc know what is happening.

The pyschiatrists expect the meds to go through some trial and error. Feel free to stay in close contact.

Mari

welcome to nt bj.

my deepest sympathy for the loss of your parents. you have been dealt a heavy loss in such a short time span.

i'm sure you will find lost of support here. venture around. many of us post in a bunch ( or like me...just about all ) of forums here.

btw...i'm a friendly mod here. not actually of the bipolar forum, but feel free to contact me if you ever need anything. the mods of the bipolar forum are fab!

here is a link to our grief forum
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=51

Welcome to our group. You will find a great bunch of people here, with a wealth of information.

I am very sorry to hear about your parents.

Keep posting.


Nikko

I’m taking 15mg Abilify at noon. I was taking it at 4 but I’m trying noon to see if it helps me sleep more. I toss and turn all night long which gets me so frustrated. I got up at 3am and folded the towels in the linen closet again (4th time this week). Oh the joys of being bipolar. I’m not sure when these will kick in but I’m really frustrated with it right now and myself for not getting up the nerve to tell people I am bipolar. There I said it – I’M BIPOLAR.

I can’t seem to stop moving and my mind is racing terribly. I’m not sure if it’s from the Abilify or the Effexor which I’m still trying to adjust to. I’ve worked my way up to 225 a day but I know this is making me sweat and even more jittery than I already am. I don’t see my PD until Thursday and hopefully he will adjust something here.

I’m ashamed to say this but I’m a “survivor” and don’t want to go “there” again. I hated the hospital and how I was treated and definitely don’t want to get like that again. I just want a little peace in my mind and need to sleep at least 3-4 hours straight just once in a while.

I have a question that maybe can’t be answered but this is all so new to me. Do you have any signs that you are on the onset of mania? I’m not sure if I’m just in a happy mood (and have a fetish about folding towels) or am I heading for a manic episode? I’m supposed to keep a mood dairy for my PD and I’m having a hard time describing exactly what mood I’m in.

Hi,
I don't get classic mania so I can't tell you what the warning signs are. Someone else can.

Here's a site for an online mood journal: http://moodtracker.com/

It is possible to have more than one mood at a time --especially if you are having racing thoughts. If I were making my own mood chart I would come up with symbols similiar to the simlies:

Then I would circle which ones apply from like 8:00 am to 2:00 pm, 2:00 pm to 8:00pm and then maybe 6:00 pm to 8 am. Or whatever,.... you get the right idea. Then I would write in RACING THOUGHTS. The pdoc really needs to take care of this. You don't have to wait until Thursday. Put in a call now/today.

Some pdocs do not prescribe anti-depressants for bipolars. Maybe the Effexor is getting you wired and anxious (did you say anxious?). But be careful and don't just stop taking it. Most people need to taper off Effexor.

Or the Abilify could be making the problem worse instead of better. It does that sometimes. Let the pdoc know what is going on. The mood charts will help when you get into the office. It is good to have things on paper so you don't forget.

My note is scattered and all over the place. Sorry but I wanted to respond.
Don't feel bad that it took you awhile to embrace the bipolar dx. Everyone needs their own time frame -- not one minute more and not one minutes less.
Take it easy if you can. Call the pdoc.
Mari

It took me years to accept that I was bipolar. a couple of my counselors did not believe I was either....lets just say that it is hard to deny this when we wind up in the hospital...
I am glad that you are a survivor...
I too worry about your meds...like mari said...some folks have to be weaned off their antidepressants...you still sound hypomanic to me....and that is not elation....it is the agitated, anxious, moving , head talk kind that is very upsetting to go thru....been there done that.
I am sorry that this is so frustrating for you and it will take lots of communication to adjust the meds and it will also take time.
so be patient with yourself and know that you are moving in the right direction.
I am going to bump up a thread for you about mixed mania, dysphoric.
bizi

Thank you Mari for the mood journal and helping explain how to use it. Right now I have nothing written down except vroooom because that’s what my mind feels like…a racing car for lack of a better word.

Bizi thanks for the info on hypo mania. This is all so new to me and I never heard any of these terms but now I’m learning some of what is going on inside and I hate it. I’m always thinking okay I’m I on the verge of another episode? How long will it last and when will I hit bottom and go into that hole?

I tried the combo I’m on today thinking I need to adjust and I couldn’t even concentrate enough to stay at work. I haven’t been able to tell anyone and it’s eating inside me too. If I can’t get some sleep and shut my mind down I’m calling first thing in the morning. I was just going to stop the Effexor but I’m afraid to. I’m not sure if it’s helping or hurting but one of them is wrecking havoc in here.

Thanks again.