Hello,

My names is BJ and I've just this past week been diagnosed Bipolar 1. It came as quite a shock to me. I've been living with depression for about a year and a half. I lost both my parents within the span of a year due to heart attacks. My dad died first and then 6 months later my mom had a massive heart attack. I really think she died of a broken heart.

This is when all my problems started. I was being treated for depression but I knew something was not right. I felt my life spiraling out of control with my mood swings of intense highs and then extreme lows where I couldn't even get myself out of bed. I couldn't sleep (still can't) and I "forget" to eat most of the time. It's affected my work and my relationships with my co-workers and friends. So after psychological testing and evaluations I was diagnosed.

How do I feel? Very alone right now with all this and scared.

I hope to make some friends here to share my fears and also maybe I can be of some help. But it's all new to me.

WElcome BJ,
I am happy for you that you finally got a correct diagnosis.
Am sorry that you are scared.
One of the things that many of us have found is that once we are finally given the right diagnosis...it is so much more helpful knowing that there is treatment and options...finding the right medication path will take time and effort. Be patient with yourself and it takes time to see if the meds are going to work.
I hope that you are also seeing a therapist to help you to deal with your grief losing your parents....
How did you happen to find us here?
This is a new forum that was created a couple of months ago.
We came from another forum that was down for a long while...so many of us have a history with each other.
WE welcome new guest and are glad that you posted.
Ask questions and read everything that you can read.
Decreasing your stress on a daily level is what we all are striving to do.
This is really important in maintain our current level of health.
Look at the stickies above and there are some web links to help direct you to other places for information and support.
again
Welcome!
bizi

Hello!

It wasn't long ago that I discovered this board after I was diagnosed. Its been a lot of help and most of all, a place to come chat to friends who give a warm hug and listen and don't say "just... and you'll be fine".

Thanks for the replies. I'm really not sure about much anymore because my head spins and spins. All I know is that I'm so unsure of myself and I'm hiding from my friends and co-workers and I've never been like this. I haven't told anyone yet and I'm not sure if I will. But they know that I'm not myself. I am seeing a counselor for grief and depression too. Lots to talk about but I'm finding it hard.

I found this board actually from a friend that was having a lumbar fusion. He was reading and getting the nerve up to post in spinal disorders when BT crashed. He had the fusion at the end of July and he's doing fine.

I'm taking 15 mg of Abilify and .5 mg Klonopin 3 times a day. I've only been taking them since Wednesday and I know it will take time. But since I've started I seem more....can't think of the word, maybe "chaos brained" as I like to call it. I desperately need a good solid sleep that's for sure.

Thanks again and nice to meet you all.

Hi there.
Glad that you found us!
I really don't know about abilify...
have never taken the med...(I would think that it quiets your head chaos)
I know that most people take a mood stabilizer...
I take lamictal as my mood stabilzer....it also has antidepressant qualities.
I am one of those bipolar folks who really can't take an SSRI, antidepressant...makes me manic.
I also take a sleeping pill...to get me to sleep at nite.
How are you sleeping?
keep posting...talking....venting.....
bizi

Dear BJ,
I send my condolences on the loss of your parents. That is a lot to deal with, especially in a short amount of time.

Your pdoc should give you meds that help "stop the committee in your head."
When do you see the psychiatrist again? In a day or two if you are not feeling better you should telephone and let him or her know that you are still not sleeping.

How much Abilify do you take and what time of day?
Some people do well on Abilify and some people do not. You need to let the pdoc know what is happening.

The pyschiatrists expect the meds to go through some trial and error. Feel free to stay in close contact.

Mari

welcome to nt bj.

my deepest sympathy for the loss of your parents. you have been dealt a heavy loss in such a short time span.

i'm sure you will find lost of support here. venture around. many of us post in a bunch ( or like me...just about all ) of forums here.

btw...i'm a friendly mod here. not actually of the bipolar forum, but feel free to contact me if you ever need anything. the mods of the bipolar forum are fab!

here is a link to our grief forum
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=51

Welcome to our group. You will find a great bunch of people here, with a wealth of information.

I am very sorry to hear about your parents.

Keep posting.


Nikko

I’m taking 15mg Abilify at noon. I was taking it at 4 but I’m trying noon to see if it helps me sleep more. I toss and turn all night long which gets me so frustrated. I got up at 3am and folded the towels in the linen closet again (4th time this week). Oh the joys of being bipolar. I’m not sure when these will kick in but I’m really frustrated with it right now and myself for not getting up the nerve to tell people I am bipolar. There I said it – I’M BIPOLAR.

I can’t seem to stop moving and my mind is racing terribly. I’m not sure if it’s from the Abilify or the Effexor which I’m still trying to adjust to. I’ve worked my way up to 225 a day but I know this is making me sweat and even more jittery than I already am. I don’t see my PD until Thursday and hopefully he will adjust something here.

I’m ashamed to say this but I’m a “survivor” and don’t want to go “there” again. I hated the hospital and how I was treated and definitely don’t want to get like that again. I just want a little peace in my mind and need to sleep at least 3-4 hours straight just once in a while.

I have a question that maybe can’t be answered but this is all so new to me. Do you have any signs that you are on the onset of mania? I’m not sure if I’m just in a happy mood (and have a fetish about folding towels) or am I heading for a manic episode? I’m supposed to keep a mood dairy for my PD and I’m having a hard time describing exactly what mood I’m in.

Hi,
I don't get classic mania so I can't tell you what the warning signs are. Someone else can.

Here's a site for an online mood journal: http://moodtracker.com/

It is possible to have more than one mood at a time --especially if you are having racing thoughts. If I were making my own mood chart I would come up with symbols similiar to the simlies:

Then I would circle which ones apply from like 8:00 am to 2:00 pm, 2:00 pm to 8:00pm and then maybe 6:00 pm to 8 am. Or whatever,.... you get the right idea. Then I would write in RACING THOUGHTS. The pdoc really needs to take care of this. You don't have to wait until Thursday. Put in a call now/today.

Some pdocs do not prescribe anti-depressants for bipolars. Maybe the Effexor is getting you wired and anxious (did you say anxious?). But be careful and don't just stop taking it. Most people need to taper off Effexor.

Or the Abilify could be making the problem worse instead of better. It does that sometimes. Let the pdoc know what is going on. The mood charts will help when you get into the office. It is good to have things on paper so you don't forget.

My note is scattered and all over the place. Sorry but I wanted to respond.
Don't feel bad that it took you awhile to embrace the bipolar dx. Everyone needs their own time frame -- not one minute more and not one minutes less.
Take it easy if you can. Call the pdoc.
Mari