You mentioned a bunch of stuff that you certainly didn't deserve experiencing.

It sounds like, and I think it's something all of us have in common, that when we were young, the people raising us, perhaps, imparted some kind of distorted, disproportional, and irrational self-perception upon us. Like they thought that what they taught us, was "freedom" or whatever. And that it would help us overpower people who held us back from what we wanted if we disregarded other people's feelings. But really, the product of some of that "independent" thinking only serves to obliterate those nearest to us.

Of course you depend on him, after 28 years, so does he is on you. But it seems like there is a mechanism in place in the relationship, which, perhaps you think is for safety, but has somehow become dysfunctional. Like a safety belt that's always to tight, or an emergency brake that won't disengage.

I'm not suggesting that "cheating" is okay.

But sometimes, maybe you have to let the dog off the leash only to realize the only thing he's gonna do is hump someone's leg.

There is no more vulnerable position to be in, than when you're sick. I love my wife, and we've done tons of great things together, but when either of us are sick, I hate to admit it, we always fail the other person. I don't know why, it's like we're suddenly reduced to behaving like small children. We know that we'll have to do it better next time, but when it's happening it's pretty difficult to fill the roles we've been dealt.

-BPB

So thats my story and one reason I have been quiet. And by the
way my surgery went very well, as the weeks go by to the next
surgery I'll update as to if I was lucky to keep pain down, or if
it gets really bac too.

Donna

P. S. Please dont tell me to leave him, or things like that.
I still love him, like the day I married him 28 years ago.
I just needed to share my feelings, with someone that understands.[/QUOTE]

Thank you all.

I have been busy, and tired. Seems the surgery took a lot out of me.
So its been lots less computer.

I am dealing with this, and all else I'm given, its the only thing I can do.
And I really appreciate all the good thoughts.

I had a ultrasound today, gosh it just continues.

Donna

Donna,
You are very brave to post about this.
M

Mari

I may seem very brave to post about it. But it was tearing me up.
And I really have no one that isn't biased to talk to about it.

So I really needed to get it out. I know that I can trust the people
on the site to give me good advice, and to do just what they
did in this thread.

Listen and understand. Its the thing I needed the most.

Donna

[/QUOTE]


************************************************** ********


You Know I'm not sure exactly why all this quoted but it sure feels good to see it all in one place. I love lots of things about this place.

But the thing about neurotalk I love the most is this ROOM and most people
would find that odd. But you want to know why.

Because you never judge another, and you always love another.
You welcome all. And you want all to be happy.

Its one of the reasons it makes it so easy to come and talk to everyone
here. And I feel honored to be part of your world.

I have to admit, the last few days have been a real rollercoaster because
first I dealt with a roving husband. Told him off. Think he just might
have gotten the message.

Then I have been visiting my mother a lot in Kokomo, because she had shoulder replacement, I feel so far away being here. When she needs
help. But I'm doing what I can from here. ANd my sisters and rest of
the family is doing what they can there.

SO I can't take it to hard. She has 3 months in front of her for recovery.
My husband even was very much helpful, he came right away and put
in a new bathroom floor. When I asked him to look at the old. He
even fixed the commode and the wall behind.

And my son got to spend the week with my sister and her husband and another friend of theirs who are all Bi- Polar. Now he had a ball and I knew
he would. They are the exact ones I would have chose to ask too.
THey chose to offer.

I had surgery and I don't really think my husband got how much the surgery
was hurting till later. Hoping the next time, he will be more considerate at
the time. And not have to leave right away for work. Its the worst vise
he has.

But then, it just might be that after my helpfulness today. With a document typed he needed. The thing I was promised 9 years ago when we moved in here will be done this weekend. WOW, what a blessing I might not break my neck this year. I porch light finally

I'll believe it when I see it. But he usually doesn't write what he doesn't
mean.


Donna

I also wanted to say I took a course called I can depend on me that helped a lot!

I agree, see a therapist for yourself. Consider also seeing a marriage therapist together. And don't let these two therapists be the same person!

In addition, nurture yourself and do this double time. Explore ways to grow as a person and as an individual. All of these things will strengthen your self esteem and self worth.

I do lots of things I like to think nurture myself but maybe that is
part of the problem. I do things for others because it makes me
feel good.

Maybe I need to start doing more for me. I am working to
get back to the club, its taking some work. Because of the
surgery I had.

Donna

'Doing Exactly What It Is You Want to Do Is a Very Dangerous Thing."

-The Flaming Lips:

Go to Youtube: Flaming Lips: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

Be dangerous as you dare.

It gets me into trouble, but it's the only way I remain sane.

-BPB

dear donna,
You are an amazing woman.
jsut remember this....that you are worthy of a good life and family. You work hard to take care of your family and your kids know this.
Please take care of yourself...
hope you have a nice weekend.
((((HUGS))))
bizi