This is going to be one of the hardest post I've made. But I need to talk to someone who will understand, and not just always tell me I need to leave.
Even if that is what I should have done many years ago. It's really not
something I can do at this point. But its somehing I am working to be
less dependant from now on.


This goes back to the beginning I would imagine of my marriage. Many say that I have been emotionally battered. And they are probably right, even though he has no clue that he is doing it. His family his just like this.
Its gotten better as time has gone on. But if I ever get to independent then
I might as well get ready for more mental put downs, and being told I am not
going to be anything. Which is the way my life has always been, so it might be that I feel that from my childhood.

The thing is that I went to college after we married to get a degree in computer programming at IVY TEch, and I loved that. I also was given much of the if the kids are sick you stay home. You deal with all the problems, your not doing anything. I'm making money or just going to school.
Even though the last 2 years I worked in a work study in the registrar's office,
and then in the Financial Aid office and made many houre of need for work at times. So he still didn't think I had a job, I just dabbled at play, I was after a job. So I could get insurance so he could decide what he wanted to do.

Anyway, the real thing and problem, is that he has never found his place.
He has been unhappy, neediy, needing someone other than his wife to talk to.
So much so that he was either on the phone, or not at phone till bedtime,
then I got no conversation.

I learned the hard way about the times he needed women's company just to talk, that of course turned to other. And it was always it seemed either
one of my friends or one of his tenants.

So I always seemed to get the left overs, it took many years of a naive wife
not having a idea. Before I thought I had a hold on things.

Just to find out recently he was helping a friend of mine move. And decided he wanted more. So he is at it again, But of course once again its my fault
I wont talk to him. I wont cuddle with him. I just wont do what he wants.

GOsh I finally gave it all to him, and even asked who died made him, god,
the king of the universe, and the owner of the way I should feel when he
is on the phone all the time when he is home, or always out doing the rental houses, can't even remember he promised to take me to dinner, gets mad
because I need a driver for two surgeries, and then tells me that his money
and job is more important that my life or surgery so to find someone else.

I won that one, he takes me to my surgeries now, and even though he
likes to tell me he has a girlfriend, he has been warned that better not
be true. She better not be more than a friend that is a girl that needs
help with things, and I'm there too.


I'm tired of being the one that he forgets is his wife. If he wants one to
truely have that he thinks he loves, then its time he remember how to
treat me. I hope I don't make anyone think I'm a whining idiot.

I just needed to put this out, because at times I really need to talk about
it. Because my son who knows is so upset, he just jumps out of his skin.
And I don't have a clue if the other son knows. I had to go to the trouble
of telling Derrick, because when we all seemed to be at Indiana BEach.

I can't stop them from showing up at a public place, he was a idiot and
was not only holding her hand, but in front of some of my grandkids, kissed
her.

I was in charge of the day, and had responsibilities, so I wasn't surprised he
was off with a group, he was supposed to be. So that Derrick especially
could still ride.

So now its considered the old fool is going through his mid life crisis.
Thinking he can't get old, and you girls will keep him young.

He has been warned, this older lady has no wish to be second or to
hear about anymore women.

So thats my story and one reason I have been quiet. And by the
way my surgery went very well, as the weeks go by to the next
surgery I'll update as to if I was lucky to keep pain down, or if
it gets really bac too.

Donna

P. S. Please dont tell me to leave him, or things like that.
I still love him, like the day I married him 28 years ago.
I just needed to share my feelings, with someone that understands.