Hey there sweetie!
I am so sorry that you are feeling this badly....
our feelings come and go and they are jsut that feelings...they are chemicals and I am so glad that you were able to not react to that feeling.
WE are here for you and feel free to PM me or anyone else and we can go to a chat room and chat.
We can make our own bipolar chat room for anyone who wants to go and chat with each other.
I hope that you do sleep well and wake up feeling better.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

it takes time for the chemicals to get back to a balance or else at least to go in the other direction if not a balance....give yourself time and just don't listen to them...you know you are not alone and we understand what you are going through..i hope that is a comfort...we have lived through these feelings...and come out the other side repeatedly....and we know it is the chemicals that are talking...
to be bipolar means that we are very brave just to put up with it and it does have its blessings too....but boy does it get absolutely terrifying and so horrifically painful at times...but they pass....
maybe you can contact your doctor on monday and have your antidepressant raised...my doctor did that for me and it really helped at least consciously....
Bobby
ps I haven't been pushing myself or anything for a long while now...i haven't berated myself for anything....i try to push away painful memories and thoughts..

Dear Befuddled,
You did a good job settling yourself down and going to bed.
I hope that the morning finds you in better spirits.

Mari

i hope you got some good rest befuddled.

i'm sorry i didn't see this until now. i wasn't online saturday night.

you did the right thing by posting. people here care about you. the mods too! :)

we are here for you. you can pm us anytime. take care hon.

Hi,
I am so glad you were able to get past this and hope you got a good nights sleep.

Post today when you feel up to it.

Hugs, Nikko

Thank you all,

I am hung over from increasing my meds last night. I had fallen asleep a few nights last week without my meds so this is probably why I felt so bad last night. I will probably sleep on and off today as the increase in meds last night has me pretty doped up now.

I have cocconut pie filling in the oven. That's correct, just the pie filling in a casserole dish because I have no pie shell.

befuddlded2

Coconut cake is better than no coconut at all. ;)

I am so proud of you for not giving in to the pain last night. You must hurt so bad right now.

You are so increadibly strong. You did a good job.

Keep talking about it when it starts to creep in on you again. You'll get through this and we all want to help.

Dear befuddled2:
Enjoy the coconut custard!!! ;) (that actually sounds so yummy right now)

I would like to say GOOD JOB on identifying what was really causing those feelings, and taking steps to fix it. You are such a strong woman. I'm glad you are doing better after getting some sleep.

(((((((hugs))))))))

Dear Befuddled,
Thanks for checking in. I hope today goes better. Getting the right meds should help.
How was the coconut pie?
mari

Thank you everyone,

The cocconut custard was okay but I needed something nourishing so I went to the store and got a baked chicken. I also got 3 bags of Hershey kisses for me and not the trick or trickers.

I was really in a bad way last night and didn't care if I lived or died. I drove all over town yesterday to 3 bars and one restuarant and still everyone was in couples. All I wanted was some one in person to talk to. The only place I went to where people were nice were a bunch of drunks.

My cousin from NJ who speaks with my brothers called me Friday. I asked her why my brothers woud desert me when I needed them the most. She said because they are afraid I'll become needy like my mom was. That was really a low blow in my book.

I called the nursing home by me to volunteer on Christmas Day but I should really try to volunteer on the weekends also. I don't want to try to commit to a job until I get everything settled.

I'm okay for now as I took some extra tranquilizers and have my chocolate. My friend Ron in Chesapeake, VA asked me if I'd been drinking when I called him last night crying over the phone to him. I wasn't drinking though and he told me he'll listen to me as long as I wanted to to talk. Then I called Mike afterwards and Mike listened.

When my older brother's wife in Georgia called me back to give me hell she said I must like just having myself as if me getting mad at her was the reason for them not having anything to do with me. That was the biggest bull I'd ever heard from her. They haven't been there for me except to ask once in a blue moon if me and my husband had settled.

I do have some friends to talk to by phone who will listen but only one person who ever comes to my house and that's about once a month. I am going to make it though.

Thank you everyone.

befuddled2