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schema therapy
From Love Traps 101 in the September 2007 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine.

Jeffrey E. Young, PhD, a cognitive psychologist and clinical researcher at Columbia University Medical Center says most people follow a pattern in their life laid out from early childhood. These "schemas" shape our relationships and life choices. People tend to relate to one or more of these 18 schemas. Which schema or schemas sound familiar to you? Read on, or take the quiz!

Abandonment
People who cling to others because they're afraid of being left and don't feel important relationships will last. They're usually attracted to partners who cannot be there in a committed way.

Emotional Deprivation
Most of the time, these patients haven't had someone to nurture them, to care deeply about everything that happens to them or someone who was tuned in to their true feelings and needs.

Defectiveness
Someone who thinks they're unworthy of the love, attention, and respect of others and believe that no matter how hard they try, they won't be able to get a significant partner to respect them or feel they are worthwhile.

Subjugation
In relationships, these people let the other person have the upper hand and worry a lot about pleasing other people so they won't be rejected.

Unrelenting Standards
An individual who must be the best at most of what they do and feel there is constant pressure to achieve and get things done. Their relationships suffer because they push themselves so hard.

Mistrust/Abuse
Those who feel that they cannot let their guard down in the presence of other people, or else that person will intentionally hurt them. If someone acts nicely toward them, they assume that he/she must be after something.

Self Sacrifice
Someone who puts others' needs before their own, or else they feel guilty, and usually end up taking care of the people they're close to.

Social Isolation
Individuals who don't think that they relate well to other people and/or feel that they don't fit in with any sort of group.

Dependence
People who often feel helpless or aren't capable of making a decision without the aid of another person.

Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
Hypochondriacs and/or those who consistently fear that they will be involved in a catastrophe like an airplane crash or hurricane.

Enmeshment
Young's patients who have a weak sense of personal identity and habitually cling to or "mesh" with other people do so in order to feel like a complete person.

Failure
Someone who believes they will never succeed or that they're not as bright or talented as the people around them.

Insufficient Self-Control
Those who lack self-discipline and want to quit a task at the first sign of frustration or failure. (People with milder forms of this schema will give up personal satisfaction or fulfillment in order to avoid conflict or confrontation; could be described as a slacker.)

Approval Seeking
Individuals can place an extreme importance on other people's opinions and sometimes put a high level of significance on appearance and social status as a means to get attention.

Negativity
Someone who focuses on the worst parts of life (disappointments, missteps, and embarrassing moments) and might have inflated fears that they will make a mistake that will result in a personal crisis, like financial ruin.

Inhibition
People who are afraid to show emotion or, for that matter, initiate conversation—might be described as a wallflower.


Punitiveness
Those that believe even the smallest mistake deserves punishment. Usually hold themselves—and others—to very high expectations; find it hard to empathize or forgive mistakes, their own and those of others.

Think you relate to one of these schemas? Take the quiz!