Pam I am so sorry.

Well it is out now so you no longer have to hide. It will be easier getting things taken care of in the open. You are far from a failure. You stayed far longer than I would have been able to. You should get mother/wife of the century award!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Great Big Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You know where I am if you need me.

The 30 day countdown is on, I am so scared about so many things, I would just like to curl up into a ball and cry. Thanks for the hugs Christina. And for the kind words. I think that depression will set in now because it's all out in the open now. I am taking one dresser and my desk the turtle tank sits on, we're going to set it up in my room, I think that will be nice. Jackie doesn't seem to know yet that something changed today. I don't think he's going to know what's going on even after I leave him in his new group home.

It's just so damn tragic and sad. Thank you all for the continuing support, I am fighting tears of emotional pain, now that this is finally happening, it's not just a want or a need anymore, it's really happening. Jack took it better then I expected too, but this is only day one of giving him notice. So much for trying to get an aide and work it out...so they could stay here, he admitted already he can't do that, so it's just going to have to be uprooting him from school and home, and then just dealing with the fallout...Why didn't the risperday HELP??? *sob*

Dear Pam,

This is sad.
You've done all a human being possible can. I think that you know that in your heart. Maybe that is what makes it sad.
Cry. Be sad. Know that you will be all right. This is a transition period.
Transitions and new beginnings are hard but everyone will be ok after the moves.


More hugs.


Mari

You're right. It's like that this is the transition period towards a new life. I have done everything I can humanly think of to help this child of mine. But now it's dangerous for me to live with him so I don't have a choice. Thank God I have you and all of my online friends, I really CAN do this it's just terribly sad.

So Jack started up again and was saying how he won't go back once this goes down and had me thinking about Jackie and how crucial of a point in his life it is so I backed down for the moment. There's no rush since I already missed the deadline for Pell Grants I can't start in the 2008-09 school year anyway, but I WILL not miss it for Next year's deadline. We're going to have the support worker come out and meet with us and talk about what kind of services we can get and to talk more about group homes. Jack said "We need more then just a month to prepare for this and you know it..." and it kinda hit home, so I am no longer crying, but told him I don't want to go on the virginia trip and that won't be happening. So no worries there on that. Still going in for more counselling and maybe even with Jack about Jackie, we'll see. Man I was so set to do this and ready to just suck it up and place him, but thinking about it, it WILL uproot him from his school and he's at a crucial point where he'll be starting life skills classes so I want to give him one last chance, a few more months, and then see how it goes.

Hi,
You sound better today.
Jack is still putting too much on you.
Part of the negotiation to stay could involve that he has to give all the baths for example.
Also, he has to be nicer to you as Donna suggested -- it seesm that Jackie is picking up on Jacks's vibe.
Just so you know, the finanical aid deadline is not a real deadline. Students apply for aid all during the year.

I'm soooooo happy that you got clear on the no chance Virginia trip. I am glad that that is settled.
I wish you lots of luck on your new plans. You have a new beginning here in a sense.

M.

guilt is such a powerful emotion
the bond between mother and child is so powerful
can't you make a list of all the dangerous things Jackie has done and hire an excellent professional or two or three who are not affiliated with a home and let them help you make a decision. I really think you need external intervention. Also let them observe Jackie. Be sure to tell them his strengths.
bobby

Pam,

I hear you all the way. I hope whatever happens that it will bring more peace and happiness for you.

befuddled2

I have been thinking even harder about things and think that I might want to get a job. Going to see about one with the city a desk job. I would be the one to work and Jack would be a stay at home dad. We'll see, we're still talking about our options.

Pam, that sounds like a good idea.

befuddled2