oh pammy, so glad that you got along with your new therapist!!!!
take things as they come....slow and steady....
((((HUGS))))
bizi

This is great, Pam.
You found someone to listen and understand and give some insight and advice.
When do you see her again? Is it once every week or so?

Mari

Weekly would have been nice but it's bi weekly for now. She asked me what made me seek treatment and I told her I needed more therapy for the upcoming changes I have to make in my life, first and foremost, Jackie, the separation from him, the guilt of am I doing the right thing...Then Jack, same thing, separation from him, I know it won't kill me and he'll find another girl in time, but she'll never be me and I won't be looking for another Jack, I will be looking out over my mother to pay her back for helping to get me on my feet.

So she asked me about when I would know I was ready for discharging, and I said, when I can look in the mirror and know I did the right things....She was prouid of me for making the choice I did in sending the letter chronicalling the abuse since its inception to the present events of this week which scared me beyond my ability to recover from...at least with Jackie in the home...Anyway she made me feel good, intelligent and like she agreed with my two year plan to get on my feet.

Part of the urgency is that I am able to see mom won't have the resources she has now in five years from now or ten, this is her last chance to really help me make it for myself. I have to do this. And seeing my new T made me feel up to the challenge. I have been and am still so scared about all this, change is so hard...But it must happen. and I figure it will by the 1st of next month, giving us thirty days to find the one he'll get put in. I have researched schools in the areas we were interested in and only one has a special needs school like he goes to now, so that area won out.

She wants the dell and I guess she's gonna get it, Jack wants the total gym and the HD TV and I will get the digital video recorder. If he wants the dell he's gonna have to let me keep the deposits on the gas and the water, both are 120 bucks and will go to help pay off the damn thing. so that along with the two almost three hundred dollar DVR I think I can swing mom into understanding he's paying for it...I want her in a better laptop with more warranty to it, so maybe I buy the laptop second. And get her desktop first.

Oh I am so scared....I talked with my counselor yesterday and she upped my lorazepam to 1 mg 2ce daily and I have needed it...At least it helps....

Pam

Please also get ahold of the autism support organization in your state.
They too may be able to help you with the problems of getting Jackie
placed.

I would also just call the police when Jackie does things that cause you
damage, or could. I would not worry about what Jack says or does.
And I would call the police right back there if after leaving Jack get abusive
verbally with you.

This will help the situation in the end, both ways.

Donna

I am so proud of you Pammy for being so brave.
Better days are coming for you....
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

I appreciate the hugs and prayers. I jsut got off the phone with the contact at the state and we are going to have to get statements from doctors too to add to the documentation. My Doctors and Jackie's Ped will probably not have a problem after I explain what he did this July. I am not disappointed, just a little irked that we still have to go the behavior analyst route and have someone out to the home and possibly have another aide come out and all that stress when I just want it to end...

It sounds like progress --- not as fast as you want -- but progress nevertheless.
That is my hope.

THat's what I hope too Mari, it's going to be really hard to wait for them to finish making thier decision but at least I got my letter IN their documentation.