i have no idea what to do anymore. Im at a loss.

im mad/sad/lonely/confused/needy all at the same time


the only other time ive felt this terrible is when my grandpa died. someone please help me:(

Hi Meg
 

Try some self-soothing.
This is what a person would if they had a counselor trained in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.

Do something right now that activates each of your five senses.
-Look around the room. Write down what you see. Notice it.
-Now move on to hearing. Sing something. Listen to yourself.
-Next sense.

You can also go exercise for 20 mins to 1 hour. That works.

Go do the five senses or take a long walk and come back and tell me what you feel. OK? :)

Mari


http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/self-sooth.html

:( I wish I could do the sight one without having 28734528 triggers pop out to me :(

Look at something else. Just for now. Not forever.
What do see? Are you in a room with carpet? Can you go to the freezer and put a piece of ice in your hand?

Do all five senses. This works.

Mari

Try to take things slowly...you are trying to go so fast...you have plenty of time to figure things out.
When does school start for you?
bizi

September 2nd, but it feels SO far away.

Dear Meg,
How are you?
Do you exercise? Go for walks? Be around nature?
How do you spend your day?
Mari

I spend my days as an emotional roller coaster, unexplainable happiness to rediculous bouts of severe dread and depression.

I need something to do. :(

Hi, Meg,
The valium might help. Give it a try. It lasts longer than Xanax.
How much are you supposed to take (how many milligrams?)


Go for a walk. That is the best thing.
Or put in an exercise DVD.
Or work on your journal and listen to music.
Or make a list of things that work for you, so that in the future you can refer to your list.

Ask the pdoc if he has a better plan instead of giving you more anti-depressants.

Mari

I havent picked up the new perscription yet cuz I dont have any money to get it (pathetic I dont have $10 bucks), I would walk if I had like a treadmill or something, I can't walk outside, I get so worked up seeing things that remind me of how much everything is nuts, and i get all panicky i'd prefer to stay inside. i dont have any exercise DVDs or room to do any exercises, I feel so overwhelmed attempting to update my journal.

my pdoc plays NPR in the waiting room and I found it kinda relaxing that i listened to it in the car and i dunno.

I wish I was mentally strong enough to think about everything and just write it all out. This whole back and forth back and forth is exhausting. I would love to write it out when im in a good mood but itll put me in a bad mood.ekjgbhwekrgj

:(

and im not trying to like, reject all your ideas, i appreciate them and all of your comments i just feel like all of this is so hard to push through alone :(

It's ok.
I used to sleep when I felt rotten. I still do. Sleep works and keeps me out of trouble.

I hear you.
It sounds like you need more help. Like you say.
You are doing too much all by yourself.

M.

these are mood swings....
What meds are you on again?
bizi

I was on alprazolam (xanax) but I just got a new script for valium (i dont have it yet) so currently im not taking anything.

Example: Yesterday, I was driving to Sterling to hang out with Mike. The weather was kinda crappy (rainy/cloudy) and I was talking to God (out loud while driving) and I was SO SO happy, and as I was driving the sky started to clear up and it was sunny and beautiful and I was so thankful to be alive, and I was happy to see Mike and just hang out.

This morning: I woke up feeling physically and mentally a wreck. I felt like if I left my room, I'd just be more upset, so I locked my door and stayed in bed for hours. I usually go to my friend Lizzy's house in the afternoon till late at night, and I didn't go tonight because I didn't wanna leave my house.

and it's been like this all day, just upset and depressed and thinking about everything upsetting in my life.


Its been like this for weeks. :(

hi meg,
so you are not taking any thing at all?
I think you need to see a psychiatrist and see if some medication can help you.
You are going thru some rollar coaster mood swings, maybe this is normal for the stress that you are under.
I don't know.
I agree the valium is a better med. last longer...
bizi

my pdoc perscribed me xanax, and then valium, i havent picked up the valium yet.

is it terrible that all i wanna do is scream/yell/cry/flip out but theres no one I want to do it at except Mike? LwkdjfhbwkjrebAHHHHHHHHHHSW U just wanna get everything out and have him ANSWER me. and I know its probably not safe/smart to keep thinking about him but I cant help it.

tonight is supposed to be our movie night as/dlkfvhajfkghfd and i kinda dont wanna go, but i do, but im mad because hes playing with my head, but i want to see him and have him hug me so bad and tell me "no sad" but how can i not be sad/mad/upset when HES THE ONE CAUSING THIS?! I dont even get it, I want to hate him so bad. I want this to be OVER. every other relationship ive been in has ended badly (with me hating the person) and thats fine with me, i dont care it makes it easier to get over (for me).

but i dont want this to end like that. I want to be around, but im so impatient and I want answers and things to go right so badly that its making this 'limbo' thing hurt SO bad. I dont get it, you have no idea how mad i get.


aksjdvgahsjhgadsvkjaws I dont even KNOW.

Dear Meg,

Do you still have some Xanax left?
Take it if your pdoc said it was ok.

I don't know what to think about Mike because I don't know him and and don't know you. It seems perhaps that you focus on him a lot. Do you have other things to focus on as well? Do you think about things that make you happy?



M.

I have nothing, the pdoc took the whole bottle of xanax, and i havent gotten the valium yet cuz i have no money for gas or my perscription.

i wish i had other things to focus on. thats why all of this is so terrible cuz i have no one to hang out with or go to or anything. :( the past year its been me and mike, thats it. so now im by myself and theres no one.

e;jvhwqerkvb:(

Dear mag,
kava kava, chamimile tea, valerian root, benadryl, these are some over the counter things to try to help with your anxiety.
of course the natural things like going for a walk warm milk, hot bath, listening to something soothing on theradio,talking to yourself, meditating, yoga, petting your fur babies,

you have the forums to hang out with.:o
I know that we are not in real life to give you hugs that you need.

IMO....It sounds like you are addicted to mike, kind of like a codependant relationship...it does not sound healthy.
I wish I could give you a real hug...
:grouphug:
bizi

i am addicted to mike, and it bothers me that i am and i want to stop, but i cant. urgqeikhre hes stringing me along with hope and its making me SO MAD but when i see him it all goes away. and even when im mad/upset and i try to talk to him about it, he just turns into a wall and nothing i say effects him awkjghaergh I JUST WANT ANSWERS THAT I DESERVE earqahg re:(:mad::confused:

aw furbabies, too bad mine both dislike me...my cat is terrified of people and isnt clingy and lovey (like mikes cat is who i LOVE) and my dog is all about my mom, doesn't really like me or anyone else much. my own furbabies dont even want me around:(

awe....
maybe you need to get a little kitten for yourself....
you can go to the pound a adopt one, play with it before you get one to see if she is affectionate or not.
Well maybe not...
you have school coming up and with that a lot of work...new kitties are a lot of work and need a lot of attention.
sigh bizi

The valium will help with your anxiety. I wish you weren't afraid to try it.
bizi
hope you feel better today.
what is your line of work? do you have to work full time?
jsut curious...working can be very stressful.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

i work at a dog day care,its part time, and by part time, its like ONE shift a WEEK.wjkvnkfd

woke up today in a crappy mood.

Hi sweetie,
Oh I had to chuckle, I am sorry you are feeling crappy, but when you said you worked at a Doggie day care and felt crappy, I started to laugh. Sorry no more giggling, well not too much anyway.

I am sorry it was a bad day, but maybe rent a good movie you LOVE great pair of comfy pj;s bowl of ice cream, or soup if it is as rainy and chilly as it is here.
Sending you a hug :hug: Oh, with the money, buy mechanical pencils, there are some great ones out there.
Di

ohhh mechanical pencils. <3 i could just write with them forever.

im looking for a new job since this day care situation isnt working. Theres a new animal hospital that was built like 20 mins from my house and I submitted my resume and asked if theres any positions available for my amount of experience (not much).

I also emailed a lady about watching her kids 3 days a week (like 10 hours a week at 15 bucks an hour is more then i make in 2 weeks at the dog daycare)

i hope one of these works outtttttttt

HI meg,
If you get the job watching kiddos, I have tons of sites for small activities to keep them busy and easy peazy snacks. Keep them busy and calmed down not off the wall makes the job easier. The mom can buy some small craft list things, keep TP empty rools, tissue boxes, foam trays, pipe cleaners, pins and seed beads.
when is the first day of school and how far do you have to travel?

Have a better day tomorrow,
di

You can also get information about jobs a your new school. Sometimes employers advertise with the job office at colleges.
M.

Good luck with the job search.
the veterinary hospital sounds interesting, I could not do the child care situation...too much stress!
that is just me.
keep us posted.
have a good day.
bizi:hug:

I almost had a panic attack last night. I don't have any medication so instead of being abou to stop it in its tracks, I was pre-panic for a few hours.

You know that feeling when you're really upset, and you feel everyone either doesn't notice or is like Jeez just get OVER it? That's how I feel.

All I want is a nice day to just lie in bed (with someone who cares) and have them just listen to me, and hear me cry and tell me it's gonna be okay. I so badly just want a hug. Last night I went to my ex-boyfriend Joe's house (yeah i don't know what I was thinking) but he's been really nice about everything, so I went to go watch a movie there, and all he wanted to do was kiss and makeout which wasn't my plan at all.

Joe is a teddy bear. Big bulky football player build, and gives great hugs. I was planning on him hugging me and telling me it's okay, you dontneed mike...but clearly that didnt happen. He had his own agenda and it had nothing to do with seeing if I was okay.

I'm not trying to be selfish (or maybe I am) but when is it going to be about me? It was always about Mike..and now everyone's like oh, its supposed to be about You. You're important...how can I feel important if no one else agrees that I am. Its hard to feel important when everyone makes you feel like youre not.

kjfvhqlkejrgv

I just dont even know. I'm sick of my hapiness being dependent on others.

Meg.
Eventually, you will learn how to make it "all about me."

In the meantime, stay safe. Keep telling yourself that you are important and deserving of the best treatment.

Mari

im done. this is it.

someone make all this bullsnap stop. i cant handle it. i dont deserve it and i definately dont enjoy it.

all I see around me is selfishness. thats the only way i can describe it. everyone else is doing what you all suggest me ot do: worrying about themselves.

can someone please step away from their own lives for a second and help me worry about me?

almost daily, i go to my friend Lizzys house. she actually is really random as to the point i never really talked to her mike left and i needed to find friends. so i go to her house and its like group therapy almost. theres like 10-15 kids that go to her house all the time and just talk and they talk to her mom Sarah. Sarah has MS (unrelated to my story but it fits with the forum) sarah has 2 natural children, 2 adopted children with downes syndrome, 1 adopted who i dont know what he has, and 1 child she took in because he is gay and his parents refuse to let him live in their home because of it. and then a 20 something year old who lives there but i duno why (i know everything is crazy)

long story short, i go over there in search of someone to listen. it seems everything turns out to be about Lizzy (shes had some HELLA hard times but not to sound terrible but theyve been dragging it out and not taking a break from this whole situation not even for a second)

^see there i go, being selfish again. thinking HEY PEOPLE PUT YOUR PROBLEMS ON HOLD AND LISTEN TO MINE qehgqergqre

anyway. the girl who lives there for i duno why, got some new luggage and it came with tons of notebooks in it and she gave me one. im gonna TRY to write down whats wrong, kinda like a definitive how to guide on understanding whats going on, so instead of trying to explain everything, i can pass the book around, and then people can comment etc (kinda like my blurty but most of the people i hang with cant be bothered with the internet or anything) so ill have a diary, and have them respond i guess.

maybe thatll help. in directly helping while focusing on other stuff.

erg;qerhg;uqreg I dont even know.

not to mention i feel like everyone is taking advantage of me, its really sweet (i love sarcasm)


srgjkeqrkghqerkjghkehvkjdhvkdsvh


my friend Christina said we could talk about stuff but it didnt end up happening.

i feel bad posting about how i feel overwhelmed and that no one is here for me.

you all have been MAGNIFICENT and more. and i feel terrible saying its not enough, because most times it is, but i feel righ tnow i need a real warm hug or a real shoulder to cry on, one without strings or secret agendas.

i wish i had a penpal. that seems like it would be really beneficial for me, not only to relay all my thoughts, but to get an answer, are their penpal correspondent therapists? that would be awesome.

or even just someone random to build a relationship with (not a samaritan or someone random) i duno why im so picky :( im just trying to figure out whats best for me, and im fighting the battle alone.

Oh, Meg,

You have a lot of stuff running through your mind. Do you ever have a few moments of peace and quiet or is your mind always running and racing? Just wondering.

I think that your idea to write in the notebook is a good one. Sometimes I used to hang out with random people in order to keep from being a lone with my random thoughts. Sometimes it was better than being a lone with my thoughts.

'Sorry that you have no one to share hugs with.

Mari

constant thoughts, always running. never stops.

i can barely sleep they run so much. and then when im lying in bed all i wanna do is turn over and cuddle mike and hes not there.


;ldkhnglshgkrfvj

i feel pathetic, i constantly refresh NT to see if theres anything new to read to try and keep me occupied. I dont understand.

thats it i dont understand but no one cares, or is willing to help me understand. i feel like im going to be physically sick and i just want to break down. i dont even know, i dont. and thats the worst part

Please just put me out of my misery and just TELL me what is going to happen. Its not in my hands, its in his. I just want to know.

:(

Dear Meg,
You need medical attention.
It's not you. It's something in your head.
What happened to the Valium? Did you get the 10 dollars and fill your prescription yet?
Mari

Here is something for you to read....it occupied me for about two hrs. this morning Meg...http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread52069.html

:hug:

havent gotten paid yet. my stupid job is bi weekly and ive been there long enough but clearly i have to wait because i have GREAT luck wejgfvblre (sarcasm saves my sanity)

I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow at noon, and i havent even gotten the perscription yet so how am i supposed to tell him how it works!? i dont even have money for my co-pay. i owe him $20 after next visit ewqjhqelkjrvh

and i dont get paid till thursday. as in a week from today.

I cant even begin to tell you how overwhelmed i am feeling now thinking about all of it jytdjyfi.k