This week cannot go by fast enough for me. Court is Friday afternoon, and I am worried about the outcome. I walk into that courthouse, nerves and all, and I hate it. I know no matter what the outcome is I will have to deal with it. I walk out totally drained.

He is even in my dreams! Not in a good way either. I'm stressed to the max and depressed. Today I am going to just try and chill out. Wednesday and Thursday I do have things I have to do. I see my DV counsler on Thursday, which should help, I always feel good walking out of there.

Besides mentally exhausted, physically it is making me sick in little ways. I think I may be getting a chest cold, or I am just smoking way to much. My stomach is going hay wire, that's nerves. Headaches probably stress.

Ok, in a nut shell, I feel like CRAP. I wonder how I will feel after it is over, well lets hope it is finally over with court on Friday. I assume whatever happens, I will go through some type of emotions.

See, it's like I know how in whatever way, I will have some reaction. It is just so difficult to deal with everything. My head is spinning all the time. I know I should do this and that, but I can't right now, I can't function, concentrate, feel good, nothing.

Anyway, that's my life right now and it sucks. The thought of the holidays is doing me in too all I feel about the holidays is sadness.

Okay, enough of me complaining.

Hugs to all, Nikko

Time to crawl into a hole and whatever happens - happens. I am sick of myself.

Ta Ta


Nikko

Your feelings are important and you are right...you go through the different levels of grieving too.
Try not to judge yourself....
you are a strong woman
your like a warrior
(((HUGS))))
bizi

Hi Nikko,

It may be a good idea to hava an appointment set up with someone to talk to not long after court. Me, I did not want to talk right away though. Today I see my therapist and tomorrow see the abuse counselor.

My STUPID CD player my husband gave me for Christmas last year does not go to the next track but instead plays the same song over and over. It's cheap just like everything else he ever gave me. I accidently jammed a CD in his big expensive CD player so I cannot use that one.

befuddled2

Nikko,
Just remember, that you do the best you can. Repeat the truth, honest free flowing reccolection, the facts will support themselfs. There will be closure for this part of the ordeal. Finality over thee charges will give peace of mind over it in a few days. I know that knot, crushing tightness, leading up to the hearing and going through it. But, carry any streangth that we have to be strong outside, even if you have butterflies inside.

The judges hear tis all the time, they should know how to enforce things, and protect you. I feel it with the DV thre to help all will be great. The past history of this man is his own worse enemy!

I was on the other end when a sucky female judge did not give the true judgement or outcome and I actually collapsed from an asthma atttack over it,

BUT, I did go on, left it go, I made a plan of action because I knew that he eventually will violate!

Our strong support and prayers are there for you, you have a DV worker, take deep breaths from the tummy!

If you have an ativan, xanax, or valium you take , take it right before the hearing...or green tea, warm bath, dress nice, speak well,
You will be fine!
love to you
Di

He too, has a female judge and a female public defender.

So, it looks like the odd's are in HIS favor. Because he is a liar, manipulator, and has that charisma about him, makes me ill.

I always dress nice, and speak well as long as I can take my Klonapin prior to court. I don't want to have a shaky voice or cry.

God only knows what will happen. God only knows if I will make it till Friday, and if I do, well I don't know how I will react to anything.

Going back to my hole, I feel safe there.

Nikko

Nikko,

I hear you. Hugs to you for Friday. Just think of it as a stepping stone to getting on with your life. Sometimes we may get tripped up by stumbling on a stone but in the long run things will be better.

befuddled2

Nikko, hang in there. It will be over soon, but I'm sure the waiting is killing you. I have a good friend going through the same thing right now. Don't get hard on yourself. You don't have to do anything you don't feel like. No one is going to judge you. Keep in touch. I always enjoy reading your posts.

Hi, Nikko,
Waiting stinks big time.
I hear you.
Mari

Thanks everyone, I appreciate all your support more than you know.

I do not have to answer to his public defender. Since it is the state vs him, because I was such a mess and afraid to press charges.

I only have to talk/answer to my prosecutor, and give my input. I suppose I will have to answer to the judge if asked.

Yet, my court advocate can for me, but I would have to have it written down, and I can't do that, since I do not know what or if she will ask me anything.

I will be busy today, which is good, and tomorrow the DV counsler, which is good.

I agree BF2 that I should have an appt. ready for Monday, because I don't know how I will feel. I will do that tomorrow when I see my DV counsler.

On Friday it isn't until 2pm my time, I so wish it was at 9am, so I could get up and just get ready and go.

Hugs, Nikko

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo AFRAID