Here I am confused and upset with jackie. Back to the same situation only Jack just came to my rescue. I was in the bathroom and Jackie ran off two feet with my chair thinking Jack was nowhere to be found but he found out otherwise as he backed right up into him! Jack has him sitting in his room with him for a extended time out because he sat here for an hour driving me crazy.

So beyond this I am looking at scoring a job, I have a pretty good resume set up and know I will most likely get one of the few jobs out here, but the trouble is that I don't want to be here with Jackie anymore. He was awful in the pool today, pushing and shoving, nearly broke my neck, little things like that. I just can't deal with it anymore. I don't want to come home to this nonesense....

Jack is trying I give him that, but Jackie is just too much. He was messing around with the total gym (along with numerous other things over the course of an hour) and I wanted him to stop but he just said F-U and kept at it. And yes, the little stinker did say the actual words. *sigh* He doesn't seem to care that we want him to listen, Jack thinks again, I'm the one with the problem and just today while I was inside trying to find out some job info outside Jackie was giving Jack a hard time. So it's NOT Just me...

I wish that I knew what kind of group home he would go to. And another thing, suddenly Jack wants to go with me to the therapy I have set up....I am in such a quandry, because he thinks that he's gonna get the therapist on HIS side and have them tell me I NEED help with my parenting skills and he's FN crazy! I feel like this removes me from having a safe place to go for support now. I have to give up the new peace and support I found to take his Verbal abuse with me there too...I could just cry.

It really seems like I have no choice but to just let people around me beat up on me and manipulate me in ways that suit them. I am close to tears right now, Jack was horrible last night, thinking I am 'up to something' and called me names again, and told me h e'd never forgive me if I put him in a group home and how awful those places are and all his entire tangent. He didn't find out about the letter, he's just assuming I am up to something. I feel like this is definitely not working and never will. I just have no choice but to accept the undesirable outlook of losing them both when this goes down IF I can ever GET them to DO what needs doing. I have to get letters from my doctors and it's just horribly depressing.

I wish I could just not wake up sometimes, I haven't been using my cpap again mostly because I am afraid Jackie will rip up the only hose I have for it and because I don't care about it anymore at the moment. I just don't care if I have a heart attack from apnea, or a stroke....SOMETHING is on the horizon, just what I can't see, but I worry that Mom will withdraw her offer to let me live there if I get a job and stay here taking this crap much longer. I just don't know what to do and I hate it...

Dear Pam,
Can you make an appointment with a social worker in the state agency that places children like Jackie?
You need to talk to someone who can actually help you and give you useful advice.


Jack is not helping.
He can get his own therapist. What? He doesn't understand boundaries? He is trying to control too many things and too many people.


Get another cord for the cpap. You have more energy and you feel better when you sleep with it. Then keep Jackie out of the room.

Mari

Have him get his own counselor.
I think you need to talk to your mom again, jsut make sure she is clear about things time lines etc. So she can reassure you.
It sounds just awful there....I am sorry.
bizi

I just applied for a job at AT & T for CSR and hoping to get picked. I have plenty of experience so if they are looking for someone who they can rely on I think I am it despite the living conditions I have to endure at the moment. PArt of our problems are financial but the rest is like you said Mari, he wants to control too much. I just don't know what to do, I wish I could just run to Mom's, but I have obligations to them to make sure they are taken care of. I may be the one with the purse strings but Jack rules the money and I suppose he's serious when he says tonight during dinner we'll need a truck. SO I will have to use my new job cash to cover that so he can drive Jackie around to local appts. That's if it works out, who knows I might not be able to pass their written tests and it might not go through, plus it's driving two hours a day.

I just don't know what's worse, where I am at now, or where I will be in a few months if things go down the way I think they will....*Sigh*

Dear Pam,
Good job about ATT.
Keep taking steps to help yourself.
I'm here.
Mari

Just awesome pammy!
keeping taking those baby steps...better days are coming my friend!
bizi

I'll keep you all posted on how it goes, it's only about thitry miles from here so it won't be a two hour commute, just over 45 minutes probably. Wish me luck!

woohoo!

Dear Pam,
Your pic of Mr. T is so cute.
How is he doing? Is he handling the potential chaos around him?



(I'm in a silly mood today. Tdoc went well and have been getting stuff done for work. )
Mari

Hehehehe, Mr. T is doing good, getting bigger! I will have to get some new pics soon. I have good news I think...I already heard back from the AT&T job, and it's good news so far, I have to go in for testing tomorrow morning and then a face to face meeting with their hiring manager like next Monday since I don't want to do Thursday unless I know I will have something cool to wear, Mom is bringing over her stuff from her business days and I hope that there is stuff that will fit me and make me feel confident about working.

Jack is a little leery, but other then that things sound definitely good, I would work 4 days out of a week and then saturday, so that leaves me one day a week to squeeze in appts. So it's going to work out. I am so excited and yet totally scared! I can't believe I turned in the online application yesterday and POOF the recruiter called today! I have to think that's a good sign. He mentioned problems people sometimes have like it gets too loud in the call center, but I told him I was used to it from the call center job I had at the ISP I worked at.

This is going to be so exciting!