Thanks Mari, I am sure it will help, but it can be great on the weekdays and hellish on the weekends, we'll have to see, so far Mom and I have been taking him out on Saturdays still. And he's been good for us, though we took him out last Thursday (Job interview day) because Jack had an appt. My Mom is so good to us, she came on virtually no notice, I had planned on trying to have Jackie here myself but then chickened out and she came in the nick of time before Jack left for his appt.

I shudder to think of what would have happened had she not been able to come over. And while Jack was working out yesterday Jackie still threw himself at me like he likes to throw himself at the walls and doors. It's so annoying, he did it so hard that he nearly knocked over my chair a couple times. It's so hard getting through these last few days of the summer. *Sigh* I just hope I can find it in me to write again, all summer I tried and couldn't, no time, and nothing came to me so it's not like I was able to get into a grove and go with it even if I wanted to.

ANyway, I am gonna go make some coffee.

Well Jackie was obnoxious again during Jack's work out and it was really trying on me to keep him away from the room where Jack works out, then when he wanted to shower Jackie was pulling his usual stunts and it's just been awful. I feel simply awful, I was crying earlier because of all the yelling, this kid never shuts up unless he's inhaling food and then it's so hard to even think with it all going off.

Jack had his radio up too damn loud and I was so anxious because of it. All I can say is this is NOT working, and it will never work, he is expecting too much out of me to keep Jackie quiet, off of him so he can concentrate, and it's taking its toll on me and my poor nerves. Getting up at 5 stinks when you only went to bed at 12:30....Because you just can't sleep....I feel awful, simply awful.

Jack needs to protect you and help you come up with a plan. Can you talk to him about what you really need?
m.

I wish there was something I could do. Just take you out of there and bring you somewhere safe and comforting. I pray (every night) for you and that things will be better soon. If there's anything you need, please please don't hesitate to PM or anything. Just know you're not alone and if you need a hand, mine is extended out to you and it always will be.

Edited out because it's been read and seen by those who it was intended for.

It helps just knowing you and the others are there and CARE about MY feelings and the emotional pain I am in Meghan, thank you so much for the hugs. I may be suffering now and I know I will suffer more before it gets better, but I am doing my best to keep Jackie from hurting me by blocking him when he rushes at me and fighting hard when he headlocks me in those neckbreaking hugs of his he likes to do out of the blue from behind...This kid is in serious need of the structure a group home will provide. I just know it's going to be soon that he's placed and we move out of here....

*Sigh* But knowing that doesn't make getting through it any easier.

Pam,
This whole thing stinks.
M.

Yes it sure does...I am going to pack up and go to Mom's soon. Not sure when but definitely soon.

Yes pammy, please go to your moms.
She is so supportive to you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I agree with Bizi..and do it without guilt..you have more than tried your best..you can't put your life in further danger. It is also not good for Jackie in the long and short run
Bobby