Hi,

It's been about a month since the cleaning lady was last here.
We need her now.
The apt seems dirtier than last year when my parents visited, but I care a lot less than I did last year.

I'm mostly worried about getting some sleep one day soon.
All day at work, I had to fight to stay awake.
Now I am up and afraid to go to bed.

I don't understand myself.
Tdoc said that I stay up late out of a choice that I make.
Whatev.


Mari

I am so glad you are having a cleaning woman. That should be a huge relief.
I am sorry about your sleep problem. I hope you fell asleep shortly after you wrote your message. I know it really throws me off big time not getting enough sleep at night
bobby

*cough*bullpucky*cough*
That is like suggesting someone with diarreha is just making a choice and can just will it away.
I've done the sleep institute.
I've done the sleep study x2.
I've tried dang near everything on the market.
I still don't sleep.
Choice my posterior.

Your tdoc doesnt understand this part of you either, which is why he/she said it must be a choice.

I hope you were able to nod off.
I'm doing the same thing. Fighting sleep off at work and fighting to fall asleep at home. Wish I had an answer for both of us.
Bobi

I started to go to bed around 5:00 am.
Then hubby woke up and we talked about work and such until almost 7:00 am.

I want to cancel the cleaning lady so I can go back to bed in a few hours -- but I can't do that to her. I already rescheduled once.

Mari

Tdoc uses the word "choice" to make me feel that I am not completely powerless. She uses it to make me feel that I have some control in my life.

She is annoying about it.

But then she has also says that sleep problems are a big part of bipolar and tries to get me to be more accepting. NOT HELPFUL.

We're on break for a few months because of my work schedule.

Mari

It does sound annoying.

the pending parental visit is probably not helping either. maybe having the apartment cleaned will help you relax tonight.

pick up some good take out for dinner, talk the hubby into going for a walk with you, and try to relax in the clean house.

(and last but not least ask her to come pick up mine. my house looks like the armpit of death right now. with the start of the school year my schedule is insane, and i'm too tired to care when I get home. maybe hiring a housecleaner to come in and deepclean about once a month would do me some good too!) Hmm, I'm going to have to check into that!

I hope tonight is more relaxed.

Oh boy, that would annoy the pants off me too on both things. It's definitely not a choice, even though we would like it to be, sleep either comes or doesn't. I am so lucky it comes to me at all too. I hope you get some decent sleep soon Mari.

Pam,

Here's the thing.
I sleep fine most of the time.
I just don't like to sleep.
I don't go to bed.

It's not a helpful pattern but I've had it for a long time now.

Mari

Mari,

I stay up late also and love to not sleep. I think the thing with me is that when my night meds wear off the next night I do not want to waste a good clear mind and want to stay up to enjoy it. So I put off taking my meds until I've had enough of being awake. Also I think part of my staying up late is due to racing thoughts.

I hope you can rest today. Take care.

Dear Befuddled,
Yes. You explain it pretty well.
The night time is a good time.
I think that I don't have racing thoughts so much now, but I still have the habit and desire to be up -- even if I have to be up early.

Mari