It went much better. We discussed what type of therapy I thought would work best for me. We settled on indivudual therapy. We discussed that my dad is an alcoholic and she said I possibly could have boarderline personality disorder- where my emotions are really extreme because of being a child of an alcoholic- but I also have lots of traits of being bipolar. So, those added with the fact that *I* think I'm bipolar, for now, she's going to diagnose me as bipolar and go from there and see if things change with time. The meds are stable for now, b ut she did say that I've gained quite a bit of weight on them and I should keep with judo to try to control it.

Nathan,

It sounds like everything went well. I am happy for you.

befuddled2

Christopher just told me he doesn't think I have any of this. I'm just said because my life is not in order, he said.

Dear Nathan....he is in denial...good thing you are not.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I'm not sure about that. He has told me that his first wife was/is bipolar. So he thinks he knows "all about it". He also is a Christian Scientist and of course they believe that as little medicine as possible (preferably none of course). So I don't blame him for feeling the way he does. I actually would LIKE that someone believes that I am okay. Not a denial way but in an "I know you and you are not ill." Where the balance is, I am trying to figure out. I think I need some more skills and yes- I know I see the world a bit differently than everybody else, so between the meds as a stop-gap measure so I'm not swinging so wildly with the emotions and feeling out of touch with reality- but I have some long-term issues that so far I have been able to fake my way around, rather than deal with. They did say I have learned many of the things they teach in DBT groups, on my own, which is good. You see, Christopher has seen me when I'm at my wit's end with this- even before I realized I might be bipolar. He was there when I'd burst out sobbing over nothing- many times. When I'd talk too much and overthink things and generally back myself into a corner afraid and totally confused- to then say "Go relax" or "go to sleep" (when I was sick), or something to get me to where I was calm. He also prays for me and yes- it works. Dunno how- but it does.

Its a gorgeous warm November sunny day here so I'm taking my kids out now to lunch and the park. More later. Loves ya, Bizzi!

I guess I should not have posted so shortly in my post...
Your quote is why I posted what I did.
If he doesn't think you have any problems then why are you in therapy...there is nothing wrong....


The fact that he is christian scientist...explains his belief.
I unfortunately have to take medicine for the rest of my life to function.
I will probably be in therapy for a long time...I look at her as my life coach, someone to help me figure out how to live in this crazy world.

I think you are doing great!
This is hard work and it is worth it...you are worth this struggle!
(((HUGS)))
bizi

I am learning about what C.S.'s believe. I am not one nor have I been one my entire life as he has. I will say that he does not dismiss that an illness exists. He won't look at you with a 104 fever and say "You don't have a fever". Of course you do. He is more concerned that I don't just medicate myself and not cure the root of the problem. For instance, I have had those stomach aches. Well, he and I had figured that it was wheat that was a culprit of those reactions. But that is also a clearly medical view. To heal one's believe that they are sick is more where C.S. comes in. Do you see the fine line there? Many think that C.S. just shun all medical care sight unseen and end there. This is not the case- at least not with Christopher. I know this is hard work. When you are are your wit's end with medical treatments- esp. re: my stomach aches, and now sort of with them not diagnosing me properly as bipolar- and prayer and caring of a deep friend DOES help, of course you will take whatever you feel helps. Its not blindly jumping off the deepend, if that makes sense. The same goes with me and Depakote. Yes the medication is helping me with the worst of my symptoms, but to just say "Well I have this drug and now I am cured of my problems" is a) the easy answer and b) not going to truely heal the problem. Its like taking Nyquil. Sure- your symptoms go away for a while and you can sleep but you still have the virus in you and your body is still trying to fight it off. It hasn't suddenly ridden your body of said virus. In fact, with both Nyquil and Depakote, you are trading one bad set of effects- aching, fever; mania, etc.- for another- grogginess, sinus weirdness, whathaveyou; muted emotions and extra-sleepiness, while still your body is fighting off the virus or you are working out the root cause(s) of your bipolar.

Dear Nathan,

The therapy that works for you is the best therapy.

I dislike any philosophy which assumes that its adherents are at fault for existential events. On the other hand, if it works, use it. CBT & DBT both make this assumption.

Nathan I'm glad you had a good appointment. Finding the right doc is so important thing. Sound like she's a keeper. Whatever works for "you" is all the matters.

Dear Nathan,
I find this interesting that you discovered that wheat is a problem for you. Have you seen mdocs who have been able to dx and help you. Have you stopped eating wheat?


We have a forum here at NeuroTalk for people with sensitivities to gluten and wheat. http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/fo...sprune=-1&f=13

Mari