Sorry all.... I've been a little stuck in this tornado... I've read everything here... Oh and Mari... NO WORRIES!!!

I take 400mg of Seroquel daily...at bedtime.

I am having major anxiety/panic tonight... I have a phone interview in the morning... FSSA---they call it a redetermination interview... This is my foodstamps but could also be for Medicaid or even the State Insurance Program for which I applied.

My tdoc called this week to find out what it was about but the guy she talked to said he didn't see any reason for the redetermination that everything looked good!!

I'm scared... If they take my food stamps then I have no food...I have no $$. If it's for the medicaid or state insurance program I wish they would have stated that....

Please if you have an extra moment and an extra prayer.... please send one up for me... I really need to keep the foodstamps and I really need insurance. I'm afraid that my RSD and Bi-Polar--depression are winning right now.

Thanks everyone for all of the input... I love it and am trying to impliment...Mari---music I love! I saw Melissa Etheridge in Berlin, Germany several years ago...wonderful concert! Great Music!

I will also ask tdoc about ADD.... what's one more thing ...BP, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety/Panic, Social Phobia w/borderline Agoraphobia.

Bizi... your right...some part of me wanted to get the terribles out...I just wasn't ready to deal with it on a concious level....

Hi Waves...nice to meet you!!! Thank you for the input... I found a small notebook to carry with me... I'll give that a go...jot small thoughts down as they happen...

Hugs to all!!!
Love ya's!!
Abbie

Dear Abby,
I want to take those fears away from you....
give them to me...(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
bizi

Abby,
'Sending prayers and good energy and lots of light.

Mari

You sound more together than you perhaps feel. Funny how that is sometimes... i read my own posts back at times and go, gosh, i sound ok, but i'm not.

i'm sorry you are in a panic... sending you soothing thoughts, and will keep you in my prayers. yes just jot down little thoughts if things pop into your head... sometimes that helps just so you don't have to "remember" it. that sounds better for where you are than sitting and writing. also, i didn't mention, but i myself write impromptu only when i want... it's just that i'm longwinded (if you hadn't noticed )

You do sound like perhaps, beyond the anxiety, you might be having some racing thoughts. the seroquel should help with that, but if you are still having them, you might ask your pdoc if an increase would be in order. i used to take 600 when i took seroquel. when i was at 400, i used to wake up in the night, sometimes hallucinate in the dark even after getting up, if not getting up just waking up and having episodes of sleep paralysis with hypnagogic hallucinations, and just generally not sleep well. the only problem was that 600 was very sedating daytime too - after 14 hours of rock solid sleep, but if you are very activated, that may not be a problem with you. report and describe your tornado, and ask about the seroquel.

what you describe in therapy... jumping from topic to topic and that your therapist noticed but you hadn't... corresponds well with racing thoughts, be there an anxious component or not. i had at first interpreted it as an anxious reaction which can cause confusion and disorganization in the head. but it sounds as though your tdoc is perceiving "flight of ideas" ... that is the technical term for the outside observation of when one's thoughts race. when it gets bad enough, we get the sense of not being able to get things out at all... "pressured speech" almost like 100 ppl trying to all squeeze through a door at the same time.

i had wanted to post this sooner but i was not doing so well. anyway. so there you have it.

do what you can. do what works to keep you grounded. one night when i was sooooo agitated and my thoughts nuts and probably bordering on psychotic (i saw my gp for some scripts, and he was alarmed and wanted to send me to hospital!) well, i found that doing simple things, like drinking water was good. sipping it. focusing on the wetness of the water. even talking to myself. saying, water. water. maybe this sounds really stupid. that night i also took a massive dose of zyprexa and made my bed in all pale-blue sheets a kind of obsession/fixation thing that got on me... i didn't want patterns. my big thing is LOW STIMULUS. but Mari's experience was different. so ... try things and do what works.

best wishes for you interview, and serenity before during, and after.... and continuing.



~ waves ~

Hey Abs! Just wanted to send some hugs and positive healing thoughts and prayers your way. I hope you are doing better soon. take care my friend.

Oh I change the topic all the time a like a gazillion times when I am around people with out realizing it and trust me when I am in public it is embarrassing! People look at me like I am nuts! But it is something we can not help sometimes. I have to worked on it however and I am doing a little better. I have to tell you though focusing on one subject at a time in my opinion is just plain BORING. LOL
One thing that helped me if you can, I did my ABC's back wards slowing visualizing each letter. or spelling out a slow song I know. twinkle twinkle little stars. Like spell each word out visualizing each letter you in each word. I also used to sing a slow song and then go upside down on my bed. I listen to zen meditation or baby lulabye music. I hope this helps.

Sharla
oh try writing these thoughts. in a book. I write a lot if there are things on my mind. I think what would be helpful for this forum is to have a blog. So when we have these thoughts that are too much we can just put them out by writing. I am not sure if it will work. But it is worth a try?

I saw new Pdoc today... she's really nice but she's only staying through December... sigh....

She was a little frazzled and had someone else's folder when we started... confused me but she found my folder then things fell into place.

She's not happy about one of my meds...said two of them shouldn't be mixed... she ordered a bunch of blood tests but told me to wait until my insurance came through... I hope it comes through soon.

I have appt with Tdoc on Wednesday... at least my brain has calmed down a bit today....so we'll see what happens....

for all!!
Abbie

she is paying attention!
great!
thanks for checking in.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Abbie Which medications is she saying shouldn't be mixed?

Abbie Is the large iron cube like isolation,and the tornado like torment. If so,I have the same thing. We will make it through this. BF