Hey all - what's up and happening?

Not much with me, had a very emotional roller coaster week in a nut shell.

Court is next Thursday to determine the trial date. UGHHHHHHHHH


Check in.............Hugs, Nikko

Hi Nikko,
Do you have to go to all these court dates? Even the ones that determine a second court date? Doesn't the prosecutor handle that.

Sorry if I upset you. Just wondering if you can find ways to make this easier on yourself.

mari

Hi,
I'm not sure about the weekend yet. Today was a big day with phone calls, a trip to the therapist to talk about sleep, and then 20 minutes at the gym.

The therapist figured out that I like night-time better than the day-time and that that is why I stay up. She is partly right. .....I am so glad that she can stop talking to me about sleep hygeine finally!

She did mention doing some hypnosis aversion exericises to helpe me dislike the night. I told her no freaking way. I barely have anything in my life I like as it is. I'm pretty miserable because I took everything out of my night life so that I could sleep instead. But I don't sleep either.

Then she asked me to think of things I like about the day that we could emphasize/work on/use to reward myself. I couldn't think of anything good about the day -- except that I enjoyed walking on the beach in the morning on the rare occassions that I have done itin my life.

I don't see her for a few weeks.
Mari

Mari,

I'm like you. I like the night better also. I always have.

befuddled2

If you're a night person, then you're a night person, it sounds like. I'm a morning person. Even when I sleep too much and stay up too late- I'm still a morning person. I love to pop up fresh in the morning! (Which is why I'm sitting at the computer right now instead of going to judo lol. I guess I'd better hurry up!)

Hi - Mari - I don't have to show up at the court hearings/pre-trials, but DV says it's a good idea to. Because otherwise I wouldn't know what the heck was going on. Plus it notes that the victim is present and my input to the prosecutor is important.

Plus, if I hadn't brought the priors and all, this would of gone to his advantage with a plea. Me being there shows that this isn't something, that I don't care about and want justice served.

Make sense? It's not fun, but I don't even make eye contact with him, actually he is like a stranger to me now. It's real strange.

People think that once the physical abuse is over, its all over. Well, it's not, the trauma, the depression, the mental anquish, the fear, the trust issue, stays with you, sometimes for a very long time. Since he had so much control over me, it's like he took a part of me with him.

So, going to DV counseling, educates you, and helps make you look and think at things much differently. Makes you realize these people don't change, they continue to manipulate to their advantage, lie and con people.
It's just there way of living, they think the world owes them something.

Nikko

WEll I am headed north a couple of hours drive is all.
Will find my hubbys hotel and hang out there.
He is rehearsing with the orchestra as I type,
very nervous for him....I am still amazed at how much better I feel today...being able to go was unfathomable yesterday.
Mari, I hope you feel that your therapist is helping you....
Hugs to you dear Nikko
((((HUGS))))
bizi
thank you for all of your support!

Hi,
Hubby brought home a 5 month puppy (not sure of breed) for a few hours. I made him take it back.

I was at my girl friend's house when he called me to tell me his friend had a puppy to get rid of. I said, "Listen very carefully. No F'king Way!!"

Then hubby called a few hours later to say that he and the dog were home in our apt. and happy. He was sure that I would fall in love with the dog. He wanted a trial period of a week or at least a night. (What part of "No F'king Way" does he not understand!!!! ) I almost felt like I had to protect myself in the household after I made a statement like that and he ignored me. Yes, this is minor drama. But still real and a bit silly too.

I came home, played with the dog, told him the dog was cute and lovely, and then explained to hubby all the reasons why he can't have a dog, especially a 5 month old puppy. Mostly, we're not home during the day for the dog. More importantly, I don't want any dog. And hubby grew up overseas in a culture that considers dogs bad. So he is not used to dogs. I would have to train him and the dog. And yes, hubby is motivated to learn about dogs but I am not motivated teach.

I felt very bad but I made him get on the phone with the "friend" and bring the dog back. This was just before midnight. But screw it. The friend can't force me to take a freaking dog.

Hubby is sooooooooo disappointed even now. Before he went to bed, he asked me to think about it.....because we can still go back and get the dog.

I promised that at some future date we can have a dog.
When I read what I wrote here, it sounds pathetic. I just can't handle the drama.

I guess I should picture trying to explain this to my therapist. She would agree with my decision on no dog. She thinks that I have done a good job managing my life with what I have to work with.

Mari

I have had the flu/cough/cold/virus something for the last month and a half. Just can't quite shake it. Bleh. No motivation. And I think it is making me depressed. Really in negative mode. (Kinda why I don't post. It's hard to stay positive and supportive and you all need happy things in your lives. )

Wes went over the top manic for a few weeks. Did the whole song and dance in front of the pdoc last week so he put him on Lamical. Instant steady and rock solid. With one frigging dose. It never ceases to amaze me how increadibly chemically sensitive he is. We are putting him back on home and hospital for school. It's such a huge trigger to even be there that he can't function. So, back to home school.

Con is doing well. He got the brunt of his brothers mania the other night. Big brother attacked him and they got into a physical struggle. And he didn't want to tell cause he thought we'd send Wes away again. Oh man, that hurt. He'd rather take the abuse and be afraid than to loose his brother? OMG. Told him he had the right to be safe and feel safe in his own house no matter what. He cried for a few hours.

I long for boring, uneventful days and steady, healthy family time. Yesterday was wonderful. It had moments of deep saddness that I shared with my friends regarding the loss of their father, but it felt good to let them just talk and cry while I listened. I can't do much to help, but I can listen. Took Wes to get his tounge peirced. It was so nice to be able to talk and joke and laugh with him. I have missed him this last month.

His father is a butt though. So much drama. So my husband said he isn't allowed in our house until he can talk to me like a grown up and without being abusive. The kids told him so yesterday. He was mad but the boys explained they agree with the new rule.

I ache for all of you anguish this past month. I lurk. I check in to see if Waves made it on through dial up hell for a minute. To see if Morgy is still moving. To see if bizi is feeling better. To hear if Mari has gotten settled into the new appartment. To hear of the events that unfold for Nikko and boxer and all of you. I could go on and on.. but I care for each one of you.

As I have said before, I feel the need to let everyone in my life know how much I love them. It is very intense since my friends father died. So....

I love you all so very much.

Love you back more.......Sorry to hear about the struggles in your life.

I too feel like I just shouldn't post cause of a lot of reasons.


HANG IN THERE, KEEP CHECKING IN.

BABY STEPS.

HUGS, NIKKO