thinking of you... glad you have the DV counselor. that sounds terrible i wonder if a case can be made based on a non-DV manslaughter case with similar circumstances in the "m.o." of the assault. i would think your lawyer would know but... heck... if there is no precedent, it would be great to create one for future DV cases.

i'm so sorry you are hurting. i wish i could make you all better.

~ waves ~ sends warm wishes

(and a big hug)

I need to bump this again.................

Hi, Nikko,
How are you?
Mari

hi Nikko,
It's Wednesday.
How is your week?
Mari

Nikko,
Thanks for the poem,
I am going to print at work.
I am a caseworker for a visitation center. I am a survivor of DV, a retired law enforcement. My own children had visitation at the center 20 years ago.

Two years agao I was a victim again by my brother...I found the system poorly responding compared to protcol establish in 1990 our local county.
I was told by local Chief to suck it up, get thicker skin from the threats and stalking. I had a magistraite refuse to enforce a criminal intent violation, he didn't think it arose to stalking or a threat. My car was pinned against my house by the perp's vehicle. The judge, when I got the case before here said, she was not happy I went to another magistraite and she told my abuser sorry for his trouble.

Now, I have experianced both ends of the abuse and enforcement...If I with 18 years law enforcement can not get the system to work right, how do women that have no knowledge in the system survive?
Dianne


Just this week our laws were toughend. Three years on a PFA and all weapons are removed even if not used! HOORAY!
Di

Hi DiMarie,

The system does not work in women's favor, that is for sure. What he did to me (it is in prior posts) he would get in more trouble if he did it to a stranger! I've been gooing through hell, physically, mentally and financially.
Twice his pre-trial was postponed, due to him not having a public defender, then them not having time to get there crap together! Oct 16th is the next pre-trial, it won't go to trial too many witness's. He is taking the plea, reduced jail time (no jail) class's (that my DV case mgr) told me only 2 percent of men actually change, and a monitering system I believe an d I assume probation. He could of killed me. He hit me in the head with a beer bottle at our complex pool,then my chair went over and I hit my head on the cement,this is after he dragged me out of the pool, and smashed his laptop pc. The charges are Assualt, and Aggravated Criminal Damage.
Plus he has prior's from back East, which I don't know if they will take into account.
I think I remember you from the Spinal Disorders Forum, only my name is changed now to protect myself.
October is National Domestic Violence month. I pray for anyone who has gone through this. I thought he had changed, stupid me. After 2 DV from back East.
Hugs, Nikko

Yes Nikki, I was on the spinal forum and a forum member since 1997. This past year my daughter was very ill with a super bacterial infection that almost took her arm and life. She has healed physically, but the battle has flared her with bipolar problems.

The meds make her psychotic and we now have legal issues from ill trained co-workers coming in gun ho and making her emotionally combative during a medical crisis. That hearing is next week and she does not even know what it is about.

Yes, this is Domestic Violence month. At our court house last week we had the dinner table set up with the "empty place settng". There was a place for all the victims murdered in domestic violce situations in our local county. Three of them I was close to. The last is an empty one for those that may be victims this year.

One of them could have been me, one day could still be. There is restraint with the perpertrator now that he would immediatly be the prime suspect. He will wait for it to cool down a year or two...then do it. Some night I will be getting out of my car, one morning walking to the mail box, I truely believe it will happen.

I did not cause my brother, 50 yrs old to lose everything, or commit the fraud, or financially cause him to be in such legal trouble..that was a path he chose and lived. All my siblings and others protect him.
I only attempted to protect my fathers estate, as Dad's Will and Dad personally requested of the children.....Brothers problems are his own, but, it is easier to make a fall guy of me. He won, the estate is lost, and everything my parents worked for is gone.

My husband and son's are supportive, they are sick at the system. Especially the son's that testified honestly and see how the system sucks.

But, Nikki, it never ceases to amaze me the women that stand in line EVERY SINGLE WEEK to have protections orders, not amended, but lifted.
I gget it....I know how difficult a time it is, I know how many are threatened not to pursue, but, the courts should refuse to drop, and only amend.

I will go back to your post, and keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Wish I could be there on the 16th, but I will be in spirit!
Di

Hi DiMarie,
Back East I was one of those woman who twice stood in line to have the Order of Protection lifted and I got it. Although, he did get Probation for a year and classes. I really thought he had changed, and they don't......
Now, I can even get an Order of Protection - because he is a master of disappearing, besides manipulating.
I am going to call my court advocate and see if she can get the Order from the court (where it was sent back) and see if we can get him served before we go into court on the 16th.
I have learned sooooooooooooooooo much from my DV case manager, and I will never go back with him, ever!!!! They don't change and I feel very badly for the next woman he gets involved with, because she won't know, and may not be as lucky as I was.
Now, I need to get him off our lease, try and get that Order served. The address he gave the court, they say he doesn't live there anymore, he is supposed to be living with a couple from work at that address. I'm sure he is.
He was supposed to have his address changed, yet I still get his mail.
He only had it changed with his temp agency, so he could show court he did with a pay stub. Stupid!!!! It doesn't take much to go to the Post Office and have it done, yet he continues to even play games with the court.
I could be evil and show the mail, I could be evil and say he broke HIS order of protection, via phone right after this happened in July, but will it really be worth it?
From what I understand, judges don't like it when pre-trials are postponed so many times, makes more work for them. Also, Probation officers don't like DV people, and make their lives hell, one screw up and he will go to jail.
Sorry to hear all you have gone through. PM me and I will tell you who I am from the SD forum.
Hugs, Nikko

I really wish there was something I could do to help Nikki. The best thing if you were here with me is I would say focus on today. There is so much pressure on the woman to lift the order that it is not the victims fault, it is still part of the control of the men. I blame the Court, in your case he still had the probation and classes.

Our county is just starting classes. With the violations, unless asked if there were any, and they were back in July it may not look favorable. I saw reactions fromt he judges that were not supportive as there was no in contempt filed then.

Go forward from today, remeber to document anything, I have to keep a camera phone handy, a tape recorder for the calls, hit the trace code to show the origin of the call.

I thought he ws served because he showed up without a PD. Was that a different order.
As far as serving, if they do not serve him before the hearing, does he know about the eharing to show up then. That is a big deal about not having a new order served prior to the hearing and violations, before he is served. But, if he arrives he will be given formal notice then, and the second hearing notice will be given.

It is tough to be strong.....Did you ever see the Jen lo movie she runs from her abusive husband after he begins to injure the child and grows testostorne.
Man did she go back and put a hurtin on him. I would not reccommen it, but great to watch her in action.

I guess your counslor gave you tons of information and statistics.
I would tell you there are men out there that would never get physical, they can be kind and supportive. There are others that mentally abuse for years. Wonder what we have instore for our daughters..(oh, or son's if in combative relationships, I am not gender focused).

This is the toughtest battle of your life, hopefully this judge is great and can get this guy to let you alone with lots of incentive. Maybe a night in the cell would be an awakening for him. I hear that from men and women once they have to spend a day or two until eharings.

Big hugs,
Di

Hi, Well, I have made some progresss, He is off the lease!!!!! He cannot go there and get a key, nor will they give him any info.

Plus, right before court on the 16th, all I have to do is bring one of my copies of the Order of Protection, and once I go through Security and meet up with my Court Advocate, any police officer there will serve MY order of protection on him, prior to him stepping in the court room.

Hooray for me today, made some progress. So, I feel somewhat better about this mess. I have NO intentions of ever seeing or speaking to him again. The court date is the last time I hope I have to see him, although I do not make eye contact with him at all.

The Judge is a woman and she is not a happy woman at all, I don't know what his public defender is.

I put back on my phone "privacy service" so they have to say there name when they get a recording, then I hear the name and they can't hear me, and I can decide then if I am going to speak to whomever is calling.

Only because I am getting way too many Name unavailable or Unknown and hang-ups, which could be just nothing, but I am sick of it. So, having this privacy control on will really help.

Anyway, I got some good things accomplished today as far as my phone calls, if nothing else.

I am still so fatigued, it's terrible.

That's all for now. I'll be checking in though.

Happy long weekend.....Nikko