I went to a support group meeting last week and they said that there was to be no "cross talk".
Meaning that you don't comment on other peoples sharing directly.
WE are to use I statements when sharing...they said this is to try and teach us to not be dependant on the others or try to make them co-dependant on us.
That we can't solve each others problems they are theirs/mine to work out for myself. I can't fix anybody and should stop trying.
This is all so different than the way I have been providing support.
How do you guys feel about this?
I guess this is the way I should be with my new therapist so that I don't become co-dependant on her?
bizi

I went to a multi-disorder rehabilitation center with alcoholics, addicts, anorexics, OCD, Bipolars and co-deps all together in one unit that was like that. I don't think it's a bad idea as an exercise now and again but I felt it was harsh on a daily basis.

Ironically among some therapists I think the term "co-dependant" is just a passive aggressive way of saying "personality disorder". The original meaning for this overused term as been lost.



(did I use the proper "I" statements? Oh, good! LOL )

Bizi,

You are doing great!
Mari

I don't get it, myself.

To me a co-dependent is an enabler to the person(s) who have issues/addictions.

I don't think group therapy is necessary for everyone.
People who are socially awkward, phobic or have addictions,
often enjoy them. But if your problems are more central to YOU then one on one can be more productive (but also more expensive).

Some therapists use transference heavily in one on one.
If yours does this, then the experience would be far different than your group style.

I was in therapy in the past for childhood abuse issues. One on one was useful for me to learn how to reframe and reduce PTSD. Listening to others' long stories and struggles, I found depressing, and useless. Remember the therapists tend to structure the group so there is at least one strong person in it.
If that is YOU then you don't get much benefit from it at all...you just enable the leader better. And you pay for that priviledge.

Bizi,

By the way.
Some people do very well in group support settings and some people stink at it. Sometimes, this has to do with birth order.

For example, my sister is a middle child and likes to be in groups. As the oldest, I hate groups.


Weight watchers is an example or even group exercise class.

My old tdoc used to tell me about all the benefits of group therapy. Everything he listed as an advantage sounded like a disadvantage to me.

I think it is great that we have many options for us to choose from -- and can let ourselves find what is right for us.

Mari

My therapist suggested I get the book:
Feel the fear and do it anyway. by Dr. Susan Jeffers.
Dynamic techniques for turning fear, and indecison into power, action and love.
So I did today....I have many fears so hope that this helps.
bizi

maybe the group can teach me how to be a better communicator....

bizi, I hadn't realized you didn't consider yourself a good communicator. You do just fine when you write.

I hope the book helps you overcome your fears.

It seems to me that the more cohesive a group is, the better and that some groups are better than others and some leaders are better (or are a better fit for some individuals) than others. Additionally, like some have already said, sometimes the group experience would be more suited for some than others.

I bought that book when it first came out and recall REALLY enjoying it!
I WISH I could locate it to re-read it...more than likely I gave it to someone.
It is one of the ones that a person might want to re-read. I have suggested that people read this book when they reach a "milestone" of some sort.

Wishing you well...I hope the book will be helpful and comforting.

Hi Bizi!

I have some strong feelings about this. First let me say I don't know the group or anything, so maybe this is all hot air... but:

For some of us being able to identify and reach out (uh, I think it is called empathy...) IS the therapeutic process. Some of us never thought we had anything to offer. Some of us never realized anyone else had the same feelings. Learning how it feels to share, and then see this help someone else is nothing less than extraordinary. As for narcissism or "co-dependence" - it is the group leader/facillitator/therapist's role to keep things moving in healthy directions. I've seen good and bad group therapists alike. Taking an interest in wanting to help someone, or share your solution to a similar problem is never a bad thing.

So I just don't get this really...

I think you've been *wonderfully* supportive to us here...

thank you all and nice to see you tritone.
I went again tonight....
there was a young woman there who shared and was crying after she was done sharing...she was jsut crying sitting there I felt so helpless sitting there watching her cry that I leaned over and patted her shoulder...which I know was wrong but could not help myself.
They explained to me that I was interferring in her ability to cry, grieve over an issue...her cousin was involved in an accidental shooting. I learned this later.
one of the other members then scooted over there to give her a hug which I was thankful for.
But to be honest...I was feeling very uncomfortable with her crying...I wanted her to stop crying.
It is hard watching someone suffer, she is a stranger to me. I was trying to control the situation....She is allowed to safely cry in the group with out my interferance.....sigh
After the meeting closed she got all sorts of hugs and support from the others and I never even said anything to her.
I realized that I reacted to my discomfort.
That doesn't make me feel very good.
I am uncomfortable with strong emotions, I feel numb....I try to do the right thing, say the right thing, act how I am supposed to act,
but having feelings...this is foreign to me....
~sigh
bizi
I am going to keep going, they are kind people, I think I can learn alot from them....and not take charge which is my first inclination...
I said no when the leader asked me to participate in something,
out reach stuff.