[befuddled2]

I have this strong desire to right a wrong that has been done by me. I have trouble letting go of these wrongs so much that the injustice done to me consumes my every being. I need to let go. I've learned to let go to a big degree my hate towards my ex and his family. I've long forgotten about the wrong Goodwill done me and now I sturggle with trying to let go of the wrong the Dept. of Rehab. had done to me. I really believe it's in my best interest to let things go and move on but I have trouble with doing this. It also has a lot to do with my mentality of, "I'll show them or get back at them revenge type of emotion." I think though that most of the not being able to let go is I've got to pave the way for others so they won't have to deal with the injusties I had to. But I'm not up to it or believe I am capable of teaching to the wrong doers that they need to reform. And that is it in a nutshell I suppose, the wrong doers will never change no matter what I do. I can't change how the Goodwill treats people badly or how the Dept. of Rehab. does not care if you can make an affordable living or not. Voc rehab only cares that you get off SS period whether or not you make enough to make it worth your while.

Thanks for listening,
befuddled2

[Mari]

Originally Posted by befuddled2

. . . . I can't change how the Goodwill treats people badly or how the Dept. of Rehab. does not care if you can make an affordable living or not. Voc rehab only cares that you get off SS period whether or not you make enough to make it worth your while.

Thanks for listening,
befuddled2

Dear Befuddled,

I hear you.
I think you are talking about more than one thing.
How we feel about and deal with harm done to us by individuals is different that harm done to us by institutions.

I'm not sure how handling it is different. But it seems different.
Voc Rehab and Goodwill are institutions stuck in institutional bureaucracy and I have no idea how one can try to fix that. It's a mess. It sounds like they follow the letter of their mission to help people but not the spirit -- pretend help, not real help.
And worse, they act high and mighty about the work that they are doing -- at least that is what I remember from your other posts. And some of those people were not bright enough to be doing the kind of work that they are doing and they certainly did not seem to have their hearts in the right place.

Are you still dealing with these organizations?
Are you still connected to them in some way?

Mari

[befuddled2]

Hi Mari,

I have not had any dealings with Voc Rehab. since this past summer and that was only through emails. I had them investigated by the Dept. of Education and that went no where. I have not had any dealings with Goodwill in almost a year or more I suppose. My sister told me something that makes good sense. I'm starting to learn to pick my battles. I'm going to put all papers and such in a box concerning Voc. Rehab. and tape it up and save it for when or if I decide to pick that as a battle one day. The battle that I choose to focus on now is with my in-laws as that is the most important. I also plan to just go ahead and try to make my own way with the resources I have myself. It is scary to be on my own and have only myself to rely on. I don't have that much self confidence yet believe in myself. In a way I do believe in myself and in a way I don't. I need to look in the mirror every day and tell myself I Can do the things I need to do to become self sufficient.

[Mari]

Dear Befuddled,

You might be stronger than you think you are.

That's a good idea to box everything up and put it away until you might want it in the future.

Your plan sounds good -- concentrate on what you have to concentrate on now AND train yourself to have more self-confidence. You have already made incredible progress in gaining self-confidence.

Mari

[Jomar]

"You can do it" -- we all need to say that to ourselves quite often
I know I do it.

[befuddled2]

Thank you Mari and Jo.

befuddled2

[Pamster]

I am proud of you befuddled2. You have come a long way since that experience with Goodwill and even the bad experience with Voc Rehab, you're so right, they only care about getting someone off assistance. It's really not fair but that's how the organization is set up. So there we go.

Keep on trucking befuddled2, you're doing great!

[befuddled2]

Thank you Pam.

befuddled2

[Pamster]

You're very welcome befuddled2!

[befuddled2]

I've had a neighbor offer me money to take a picture of her dog. That made me feel good as that is what I would like to do anyway is to take pictures for living.

befuddled2