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Old 11-21-2006, 03:24 PM   #1
fiberowendy2000
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Default Newly diagnosed but....

looking back I have been undiagnosed for years.
I have a question for all of you. During what I consider my most manic period about 4 years ago, I made an error of judgement and got into a huge fight with my younger sister. To this day we haven't spoken.
Last year, I wrote to her and apologized for my behavior back then and left it up to her to get in contact with me and gave her my information.
Well, I never heard back from her.
Now the question, do any people that you have hurt during your manic episodes still hold it against you? How do you deal with that?
Like I said I am newly diagnosed with Bipolar II so this is new territory for me.
Any help would be appriciated.
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Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must. -- Goethe

Diagnoses: FM, Sciatica, Rosacea, Piriformis Syndrome, SI joint disfunction, Joint Facet Syndrome L3-L5, Pinched Nerve (somewhere on the left side), Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar II

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Old 11-21-2006, 05:00 PM   #2
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Unfortunately, yes. People will hold grudges. We are dealing with a son / dad issue right now. Dad doesn't understand and is really mad at my boy. (bad manic episode and some REALLY hurtful things were said on both ends.)

Just my oppinion; you did the right thing. Appologising really puts the ball back in her court and lets her know you want to try at the relationship.

I am so sorry. I really am. It hurts so much when family doesn't understand. I realise you weren't dx'd at the time, but it still doesn't make it feel any better for you.

HUGS.
I hope she writes you back.
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Old 11-21-2006, 06:05 PM   #3
fiberowendy2000
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Thanks. Unfortunately, I don't think that her getting in touch with me will ever happen and I am okay with that. Par for the course I guess. The unfortunate thing is that I found out through my grandmother just yesterday she was married in June!!! I am more hurt that no one bothered to tell me rather than being invited.
Does it get better? Does it sting any less after a while?
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Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must. -- Goethe

Diagnoses: FM, Sciatica, Rosacea, Piriformis Syndrome, SI joint disfunction, Joint Facet Syndrome L3-L5, Pinched Nerve (somewhere on the left side), Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar II

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Old 11-21-2006, 07:26 PM   #4
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Red face welcome!

You could continue to send her notes...just to let her know that you were thinking about her.
It would be pretty one sided.
People usually will read something that is sent to them...if you called she could just hang up on you.
Write her another note.
Sounds painful that no one in your family mentioned the wedding ...that does hurt.
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one day at a time....
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Old 11-21-2006, 07:31 PM   #5
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"Does it sting any less after a while?"

I'm gonna sound like a barrell of laughs, but no. How can that not hurt? I think it would hurt me.

I am constantly suprised by people and relationships. Something will happen in either one or both of your lives that will make you want contact again. My only suggestion is to be open and receptive when she makes her move. In the mean time, if it were me, I would work my tail off trying to forgive her. She may be hurt, but she is in this with you. Does that make any sense? (my brain-fog, fog, fog.)

I am trying to say that it takes two to fight and you didn't do this all by yourself. You sound like you have allready made peace with your side of things. She must still need time to sort out her end.

You could send her a congrats card in regard to the wedding. Just to let her know you think about her. Maybe?
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Old 11-21-2006, 08:08 PM   #6
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Hi,

My whole family deserted me when my abusive husband was kicked out of my home. One of the cousins who lives out of state said it's because they are afraid I will become dependant like my mom was. Yea, it hurts liket he devil but now I am going on with my life just like my family is going on with their life without me.

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Old 11-22-2006, 07:26 AM   #7
fiberowendy2000
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Thank you so much for your answers. Being Bipolar is a new world for me. I am still trying to understand the illness a little better. Hopefully by coming here more often I will understand myself better.
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Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must. -- Goethe

Diagnoses: FM, Sciatica, Rosacea, Piriformis Syndrome, SI joint disfunction, Joint Facet Syndrome L3-L5, Pinched Nerve (somewhere on the left side), Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar II

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Old 11-22-2006, 02:05 PM   #8
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I am new here and recently diagnosed, also. My brother and I have not spoken for years. Like you, I wanted a relationship with him for years. We share a common history of abuse. I have sought counseling and he has not. He blames me for the way my mother and step-father treated him (?).

I am looking forward to getting to know you. I have found this forum a very comforting place to be.

Hugs

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Old 11-22-2006, 04:01 PM   #9
fiberowendy2000
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Thanks Hamster and everyone. I feel very welcomed here.
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Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must. -- Goethe

Diagnoses: FM, Sciatica, Rosacea, Piriformis Syndrome, SI joint disfunction, Joint Facet Syndrome L3-L5, Pinched Nerve (somewhere on the left side), Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar II

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Old 11-23-2006, 02:21 AM   #10
Mari
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Dear Fiberowendy2000,

Welcome.
You got good input here.
I lost people during my depressive episodes. They got tired of not hearing form me -- or worse, they got tired of hearing from me and dealing with me.

And don't feel bad. Our interactions with our families are practically preprogrammed by the time we are toddlers (i'm sort of making this up but you know what I mean.)

I mentioned something to my therapist about my brothers and about how b*tichy/bossy I was to them growing up. She said something profound that I can't remember. But she let me off the hook. She told me basically that it wasn't my fault. It was part of the family dynamics that my parents designed, not I.
Not my fault.

Not my fault.
And I won't feel guilty about it.

But I do feel guilty that I don't stay in touch with them now. I can't stand their wives. Again, not my fault they they chose b'tchy/bossy women. One brother is too busy for me now, but my baby brother likes to talk to me.

Ok, see what happened? My post to your post got me thinking that I could at the very least give him a call now that it is Thanksgiving and we are all home from work! yeah.
Thanks!

Mari

Last edited by Mari; 11-23-2006 at 02:34 AM.
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