So I posted my pathetic query & the first six pages of the book I was hoping to enter in the Amazon Contest, on the writing board and it got ripped apart. That is what they do there but it's supposed to help. Yet their comments and well meaning advice makes me feel so darn hopeless. I just feel like giving up. I feel like giving in and throwing the towel at the ring, I can't write, I can't work, I feel like a lump on the butt of society with no redeeming features.

I have decided if the memoir won't sell this SECOND version around, I am not rewriting it a third time, and I am not going to finish any more novels. If I can't get the memoir to sell I am done with writing. I feel like sitting here and crying, like I am now, the aid has Jackie in the other room for awhile which is fine, but I feel like curling up into a ball and crying....

I just feel so useless, and writing was all that I had to make me feel good but it's NOT making me feel good anymore. It makes me want to just give up on anything but being a caregiver to Jackie....If writing no longer makes me happy, why continue doing it right? I just cannot keep up the act like I will become a writer, I have no hope in heck of making it with the fact that I can't sell any of my work....I appreciate just getting to vent here, because on the writing board they won't understand Bipolar depression you know? And it's terrible affect on my ability to listen and process their feedback....

You all on the other hand, do understand. Thanks for caring so much, I'll get over it eventually, but I have a feeling the memoir won't sell and I am just living a dream that will only haunt me for the rest of my life no matter what I do.

Well more feedback has come in and it's still not very good. I am not going to delude myself any more, I am no writer. I only wish I could write and that desire is going to hurt me more and more if I don't toss it aside. It hurts but I figure it will get better with time. I told Jack last night I wish I could go back to school for computers and he said I should keep writing, but try my hand at something else. I just can't though, it's time to give up. I have given this over ten years and five actively trying to get an agent for numerous novels, so enough is enough...

The critiques were brutal. Eventually I learned to deal with it.

When you are making something..creating something..you are very vulnerable out there putting yourself on the paper.

You can learn to deal with it...but you have to practice a bit and give yourself time to do it. Everyone who creates, feels this.
If you let it hold you back, that would be a shame.

I do have some qualms about internet critiques. My son writes, and he shows me some of the things people say. I don't trust the internet for this at all. You need to see the people who are critiquing you, and you need to see their work as well.
The internet breeds some types of people who get off hurting others. So do keep that in mind.

Please don't quit writing just because you can't sell something.

Do it for personal enjoyment, then let your turtle critique it!

Don't stop writing or give up......you just keep going, maybe it's not meant to happen so fast, and maybe you need to explore other places to get your writing observed, read, etc.

Just because one or two, give you some crap, that doesn't mean a thing.

Do this for yourself, don't be hard on yourself either.

Enjoy, relax and let it happen.

Hugs, Nikko

Pam, read it outloud and record it.

Play it back and listen to it many times.

Any regional sayings or wording are something to watch out for. People in other areas won't understand.

For instance: up north, you may hear, can I come with?

Well, down south, that sounds weird. As does Y'all up there.

Are your paragraphs complete? Does the idea that started it, have an end? Are they too long? Too short?

You stated that this is memoir. Does it follow a strict timeline? Is it narrative?

We know you can write. We read your posts. Go back and see what a great job you do at description.

Here's an idea, what about turing your memoir into a story of fiction?

I think you're right MrsD. I was feeling bad and I think my meds must need a tweak, but I have to wait til MArch before I see the new P-Doc and even then I don't know how it's going to work out. But I definitely think the one post that upset me the most talking about careless errors was simply a mean person, because it's just not so, they are full of beans!

I just got off the phone with Mom and she told me the same thing MrsD, so thank you for posting what you did it makes me feel a lot better. Thank you all for caring, I really don't feel right, I feel very vulnerable and am thinking of looking into the writer's group our library hosts, that would be a better place for feedback of the honest kind. Writing is a finicky business to begin with and one person's preference is different from the next.

I won't be giving up on writing, however I think I will NOT be posting my stuff for open critiquing any more on that board...Too many possible trollers. Thanks for the faith and confidence in me MrsD, Twinkletoes, Curious & Nikko. You all are such good people, I am so glad to be able to call you friends.

I apologize for the drama, I was feeling awfully wretched since last night but hearing your thoughts and talking to mom helped. She said the exact same thing you did MrsD. Exactly. So I feel much better.

Dear Pam,

The library group is a good idea.
I noticed that on some web boards, people like to show off.
Do not take what they say to heart.

I know that you work hard on your writing. I wish that you were getting helpful comments instead of comments that hurt.

Learn like you say, to let the hurt roll like water off a duck's back.



Mari

plus posting it online - it may get "stolen"
You might go remove it from public view on that site if you can..

good to see you are feeling better about it.

Yeah I am a little worried about it being stolen too, I can't really trust those people since the board has over 14K members...It's huge! I definitely feel better then when I posted earlier, I hate crying like that and its happened three times that I have posted on this board I go to, I think I will go remove it when it goes back up.

Thanks for the support Mari & Jo! I really appreciate your kind words.