My mom passed 4 years ago today. I am very sad and angry at life at the moment. I don't have any children and my family has deserted me. I only talk with my half sister 3,000 miles away whom I've never met.

It is hard to be all alone at times. I hear people talk about their kids and husbands and it makes me envious. I have no family that comes to see me or call me. My half sister calls but she is so tied up with her family there is even a void there.

The whole society as a whole seems to be of one made up of people only out for themseleves. People seem to always have a hidden agenda. This is why people in love are good for eaqch other. People in love look after the other and nurture them. I haven't had this in my life for several years.

I've had a Mental Health Center turn their backs on me when I needed them the most. I tried my best to get away from the abuse of my ex with the help of the Mental Health Clinic only they would not help me. I got free on my very own and ditched the Mental Health Center. I had the Dept. of Rehab. jerk me around and stand up for Goodwill when Goodwill made my life a living hell. I had Post Trumatic Stress Syndrome from the abuse I suffered which created problems for me in itself. When someone puts themselves out there like I did when I was vulunable people take advantage of that and will walk over that person. It is only human nature as humans to be aggressive with those people who are vulunable. People will take kindness as weakness and pounce. That is it in a nut shell.

Writing this is making me feel better. The pity party is over and I am going to toughen up on society. I will find my way some day. I've still got that hope to cope it seems.

barbara

Dear Barbara,

'Sending hugs and hoping that you find "your way" as you say.
M.

Thank you for the hugs Mari. I haven't found my way yet. I have really been having a difficult time with things since Wednesday. I've seemed to lost the fight in me to face the world. I just want to retreat into a ball and stay there. I'm hoping that this will not last too long. I need to figure out what will make me happy and work on that.

barbara

Barb

You are a strong person. Find something you enjoy to do. And go out and do it.

Also you can create your own family. Not sure about were you are at
but sometimes here in our area they are looking for someone to come
in and either rock infants. That have been rejected , or help with young
children, who's parents have to work. Even though the parent is in the
hous..

Donna

Thanks Donna but that's not the solution for me. I was hoping more than 2 people would have responded to my cry for help so something would be a solution for me. It looks like though that this forum is not for me anymore as it has done very little for me for a long time. I've been pretty bad off for quite some time. It hurts me to see that I had only 2 people who even responded. Other less BP related things have started to seem to become the hot issues here. I felt like if I was drowning no one would care here. I have met a couple of 3-D people that do care about me and give me hope. But this Bi-polar forum does not do it for me anymore.

barbara

barbara

(((((((((((((barbara))))))))))))))))

sorry you are feeling down and neglected

remember many people read and care, but may not always post. sometimes words are hard...but that doesnt mean people do not care

I see a group here that truly do look out for one another and have shown a great deal of support for a long time.perhaps read through some of your old threads to be reminded just how much others do care for you

Dear Donna,
This sounds like you are going through a stinking time right now and you need someone to reach out to you.

Do you go to a church?
I think I remember that you go to a church.
Let them know that you need help. Tell them that you need 3-D support.
Would that work?

Is there anywhere else where you can reach out to for support?

Some people can find support by volunteering. If you find a group of people who are involved in the same things you are, you can feel connected.
I can't think of a group right now.
I know that some people volunteer at animal shelters for example.
That would not work for me.
But there are lots of other volunteer things for families and children. Would that be good?

Maybe through your church you can volunteer.
Some people find that very rewarding.

I'm throwing out ideas.

When I was by myself I used to take myself out to eat or drive to the beach or park to go for a walk by myself. Same with movies. Or free concerts. These things got me out of feeling low for awhile by filling up my time and my senses. They kind of cleared the gunk out of my head.
I don't know if that is what you are going through.

Do you need to make a change?
Do something different?
That can work.

Or, I remember that my old CBT tdoc used to advise his patients to do hobbies / sports / activities that they did when they were teenagers or in their 20s. He said that it is important for people to stay connected with an activity that makes them fulfilled.

Go find some people. I used to walk around in a mall. Even if I did not know anyone, at least I was WITH others.
Or go somewhere like a park (depending on weather) and sit and watch little kids.

'Not sure if that makes sense.
Mari

Dear Barbara,
I am sorry for not supporting you...WE jsut got our computer back on line and am trying to catch up with the other threads...I am sorry that I missed this one.
You sound very lonely and I like mari's suggestions for you to have some real life contact with people...so you can have more support.
These boards have been quiet this weekend....
try to not take that personally.
I am going to post some from a book that I am reading called the four agreements.

beth

Thank you Mari and Bizi and Chemar. I 1st reached out for support 16 days ago with this post so there were plenty of opportunities for responses. I'm sure if I took the time I'd find at least 6 to 8 responses since mine that were just chit chattering and not related to BP issues. I feel the chit chat has started to mean more to some than just giving a cyber hug to acknowledge that you hear what the person who is hurting and is saying. **edit** I've been on the BP Forum since 2004 at least and it's not what it use to be. Why don't everyone on here go out and get 3-D freinds for support for themselves? If I didn't need an online support system I would not be here.

I seem to be the least understood BP on this forum. Some may say I don't need a crying shoulder to lean into or arms to fall into because I do not whine, bi*ch, and moan like most. My kind are the kind that need it the most because after years of being the strong one when we snap we snap bad. When we are down or manic with lots of stress we get dangerous to oursleves. What outlets do a strong person have when everyone believes they will be okay without support becasue they're strong and will get through it.

I really do not belong here in the BP forum any longer for all these reasons. **edit** I usually only get the same 2 people, who are Mari and Bizi, respond to me. Thank you to both of you. I believe support should be a give and take deal and I've given so much to a lot of people and have not been given back from others as much as I gave.**edit**
Goodbye.

Dear Barbara,
'Sending lots and lots of hugs.

Please feel better.
M.