[bizi]

This is a quick read, I think you might like this book:

The Four agreements:

The 1st one says "to be impecable with your word".
Say only what you mean.

The 2nd is "Don't take anything personally".
Nothing others do is because of you.

the 3rd is " Don't make assumptions".
..ask for clarifications.

and 4th says "Always do your best".

[Mari]

http://www.toltecspirit.com
Living the Four Agreements: A life changing Journey

1. Be Impeccable with your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Why Living the Four Agreements Is Such a Challenge

We have out of years of habit not paid attention to how we express our self. The responses that come out of our mouth are often automatic. They were learned from years of habit living by the agreements we learned. We do not consciously choose our words, or the emotion, tone, and attitude that we express.

Over years our mind has filled with beliefs that generate incessant thinking. In all that thinking we have many assumptions that we are not aware of.
We even make the assumption that what we think is true. We imagine and assume what others think of us and how they will react.

We also assume that the judgments and self criticisms we have are true. We have learned to make so many assumptions that we aren’t aware of. These assumptions are not the truth. These assumptions and the faith we put in them is just one way that we are not impeccable with our word.

Through our domestication we have also learned to take things personally.
We assume that when someone has an opinion about us that their opinion is valid. We end up having an emotional reaction to what someone says because we assume it is true.
We can also take personally our own opinions.

We also take personally our own self judgments. These self judgments are nothing more than an assumption.
Over years the mind has developed many habits of making assumptions and taking them personally.

[Vowel Lady]

Love this stuff.
It is "right on!"

Look at #2 and #3 re: taking things personally and asking for what we really want. Re-read. Then look at this quote:

"We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are."
Anais Nin

(I have some minor conflict with the idea that folks might not have a reaction to something you might say or do. For example, if you behave inappropriately, a person might chose to limit their interactions with you. Largely, what people say and do is a reaction to their own personal feelings about life. The lenses they are using to go through life with. I do think we should have concern about how those very close to us feel about us...but then again...not to take things personally. Instead, to double check that our behavior is appropriate and if so, to let it go. If not, make a correction, and then let it go. Again, not take it personally. We can't go through life worrying about what every body is thinking about us. That last part is key. This is top notch advice and very empowering.)

With reference to #1 and #4....these things would go a long way with work related situations and all would help with reference to interpersonal relationships!

I've read this book before...really top notch!
Thanks guys for the memories....very strengthening.
Wishing you much health and happiness.

[bizi]

Happiness

Through Self Awareness: Change core beliefs, emotional reactions, and create love and happiness in your relationships

http://pathwaytohappiness.com/happiness/

[waves]

Originally Posted by bizi

http://pathwaytohappiness.com/happiness/

i found this passage - that deals with feeling like a fraud - particularly "enlightening" ...

Good Self Esteem vs. Bad Self Esteem

Odd feelings can happen when we attempt to make our self feel better by enhancing our positive self esteem, or self image. If we attempt boosting our confidence with tools like affirmations, we can create a conflict in the mind. We envision a positive image of our self and attempt to put faith in the idea that that image is us. The problem we run into is that we might be looking at that image from the point of view of a failure with the feelings of low self worth.

When doing this practice from a negative image point of view we can feel like a fraud. From the negative image point of view we don’t really believe that the positive image is us. If we have awareness we will also know that the image we are projecting is false. It is a good positive image, but still not what we really are. The voices in our head can engage in self judgment over this disparity and possibly push our self esteem lower. As a result we end up feeling worse about our self than before we started trying to improve it.

and along the same lines...

However, our self images in the mind are not real. They are not who or what we are.
Basing our emotions, self love, behavior, actions, and self worth, on a mental image in our mind also causes us to be false. When we pretend to be that image in our mind, even a very positive one, we are not in our integrity. We are not genuine or authentic. Having a positive self image, one that you put a lot of faith in, will help you to feel more confident. However, those feelings will be built on a shaky foundation of an abstract mental picture of your self. Anytime your opinion of your self is altered, or your point of view wanders from that perspective, your emotions will follow.

Having a solid base of confidence in which to live your life involves having faith in your Self, not in an image of your self.

~ waves ~

[Mari]

Hi, Waves,

Just as explanation, I use "affirmations" to self-soothe. They help. I can manage on my own without calling in the pros if I can bring myself down or up a little bit with the self-soothing.

And affirmations are not much different from prayers -- used across cultures from early times I imagine.
I guess I have to read the link when I am clear headed and see more about that.
M.

[waves]

Originally Posted by Mari

I use "affirmations" to self-soothe. They help. I can manage on my own without calling in the pros if I can bring myself down or up a little bit with the self-soothing.

And affirmations are not much different from prayers -- used across cultures from early times I imagine.
I guess I have to read the link when I am clear headed and see more about that.

Yes, absolutely! I too use them to self-soothe. sometimes can avoid a pill doing so. same with prayer... in that sense i see a similarity (in other senses... i can see big differences, depending on prayer style and type of affirmation!)

The article does say they give short-lived benefit (and that is what i use them for.) But often "Daily Affirmations" are offered as a long-term, cognitive technique to improve one's self-image. I omitted the context in my post, as i was focusing on the "feeling like a fraud" business. But, with regard to affirmations, that is the utility/futility the article is on about - long-term.

The article doesn't discuss what we do - self-soothing / talking one's self back into one piece, so i see that as a separate thing. i agree that they are very valuable for this. i will frequently use very simple ones like "i am ok, i am a good person" and "the sun will rise tomorrow" lol.

take care. hope you get some rest and feel more clear-headed. the sun WILL rise tomorrow!

~ waves ~