[boxer22]

I have now been diagnosed as URCBP which I am alarmed at yet not surprised at all as I think I knew this all along. However, what I did not know was all the research that I have since done on this particular diagnosis whose prognosis is not to clever shall we say. From statics that I have read in some of the Pyschiatry books there is a 38% recovery rate for good maintenance level.

The rest leading to showing high levels of morbidity which I have and high mortality meaning in laymans terms high risk of suicide. Having failed four attempts one most recent with a post thread not to far from this I think you will find, we have joked at the psychiatric hospital that I am not very good at it, but this is no joke.

When I am well and everything is ticking along nicely suicide is the last thing on my mind but to be verging on the plummet to taking that overdose and then find yourself swallowing those tablets unable to do it quick enough holds a great fear for me. As I do know my enemy too well and it scares the hell out of me.

I have asked my pdoc if he is able to correct this imbalance or has confidence in being able to do so and he says that he has 100% - I am powerless as he has all the control which leaves me scared as hell if it doesn't work. I am in a very frightening place right now I guess would be my summation.

Boxer