Thanks Mari, I have no choice so I will go with the flow.:Doh:

Waves - How are you doing???????????????????????:Poke:

Check in soon if you are up to it, or email me.

Hugs, Nikko

Waves,

I am thinking about you now and wondering how you are doing.

befuddled2

I want to thank all of you for your kind words and support. you are really keeping me afloat these days. i am having trouble writing i get all head-bent-out-of-shape... there were so many responses to respond to... but basically, you seem to all understand...

I am still on my regular meds which are failing miserably, in fact i am decreasing the Zoloft because the muscle tension (and i have strained back & muscles) is too much, and i don't want to just 'cover' it with benzos. in any event i would not increase it further unless i were in a hospital. i take 200mg already. i have Zyprexa leftovers - will prob try to get reauthorized. it gives long deep sleep... long as you have several hours after "waking" then to nap slowly into full alertness. A calmer softer lighter alertness. but i can't take it regularly - too much weight too fast.

Due to bureaucracy in the state medical system, i don't know when i will be able to change docs. looks like mid-jan. I won't burn bridges, i need the scripts. i can keep countenance mostly - none of that spill my guts what is therapy for but i'll shut up now.

depression ==>
1 defer judgements
2. defer decisions

thanks all... and hugs back

~ waves ~ from a world of confusion

~

itsy bitsy replies?
 

Teri... "Dear Waves ... you are the very essence of gentleness on this forum - you always have been..." I don't know what to say. :confused: i am relieved or something. I guess i don't feel i live up to this in general, but i'm glad at least if i have been gentle with you.

Bobby - yes, I am safe... sorta. I really appreciated your wise and caring note and will try to follow. :) would like to be in touch more. everything is so hard. i am ridden with guilt and shame and uselessness.

Nikko, thanks for checking in on me... i loved the "hey you" poke. :) i am having trouble writing... just anywhere, my stuff, checklists, christmas cards - i think you might be the only lucky recipient as your envelope is the only one addressed! :o i am blocked at the start and end of things. thank goodness three years of not-exactly-what-turned-out-to-be-CBT was so helpful with that :rolleyes: not!

Befuddled2 - thank you for thinking of me, and letting me know. I can cry again now btw... i think it was too much and shock altogether. thing is, either i can't or i cry in fountains lately... sometimes hours and hours... to exhaustion and more, yet it is agitating. the last time it was that bad is when i took the Zyprexa. deep sleep and no pain for a good long time... but not final.

Mari... thanks for the note of wellness, and the hugs.

Bizi... you are a comfort. and i could use a warm bath i think. and my parents have a tub! :)

~ waves ~ sends hugs back to all of you

Waves,

It is nice to hear from you. I wish I could just say a magic word or something to help you feel better. I do know that one day the sun will come out sort of speaking.

befuddled2

Dear Waves,
I appreciate your staying in touch here, especially when the effort is great.

I am confused about whether you want to drop the pdoc/t or whether you have to. It's ok if you don't clear that up really. I get that you are having doc as well as bureaucracy issues.

I worry about having meds. Please tell me that you have refilled the Zprexa. It appears it is your good emergency med.


Yes, defer .....the same things they tell us to do when manic.


Waves, I have a sense that you might be putting pressure on yourself (Or I could be again misreading...not a surprise).
......I generally do better without pressure and am still learning how to keep the pressure close to none.

If sleep is the best thing, then sleep. And take the Z.

I hope that you have some good days (or less bad days) here and there and that those glimpses can help you hold on to hope.

:worried: and :concerned:
Mari

Dear Waves,
I think you are a wonderful woman and wanted to give you a hug this morning...for me afternoon for you....
((((HUGS))))
bizi:)

Waves,

Sounds like you are having an awful time of it at the moment but it will pass!!

Hope you start to feel better soon!

Take care of yourself, sorry I can't be of more help! (((Waves)))

Boxer

Mari
 

Thanks, the bureaucracy, besides the usual, is important to safeguard my exemptions.

No i have not filled the Z script because it requires: 1. a script (mine is expired), 2. special state authorization for coverage (mine is expired).

pdoc change is not imminent (Jan, even Feb). I intend to use our full T session on the 21st for a psychiatric/pharmacological consultation. When he is done farfle-farfle-pipik-ing i will ask about Wellbutrin, which worked well for me in the past. Also he will write a new script and i will ask him to put the Z back on it.

don't worry too much mari, though i appreciate it insofar as caring... i will be alright i think. worse come to worse, i do have a leftover referral slip for a psych visit... so i could go to ANY state-sponsored-clinic, but i need to sort some things out first. there is always ER and i do have 2 parents around most of the time even if at times it is uncomfortable. they don't always get it, but when it is evident (crying fountain etc) they have been very kind. and gentle.oh yes, tons, tons. to be alive, to take care of myself, ailing parents... to be self-sufficient, contribute to society... more i care not to discuss here. I too need to learn how to manage pressure. I think it is an inside thing.yes, they do. i saw a beautiful aurora the other day, and my african violet flowered a second time, despite the move. it handled it well. well that makes one of us :rolleyes: :confused:

thanks for writing to me. i hope you are well. i frequently wonder how you are keeping with your own transitions... including hubby-acquisitions.

take care, keep in touch

~ waves ~

magic
 

Thanks Boxer, your caring post is probably more help to me than you imagine.
thanks bizi, and back atcha!
:o I wish i could for you too, and Nikko... and Teri... and... i haven't read all threads/posts. But maybe some universal magic will touch you, and me, and all of us who are suffering.

~ waves ~