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12-10-2006, 10:52 PM
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One time of homelessnes, living in a church shelter, I called my older daughter and asked if she could call my father to ask if they would let me move home. They hated every moment of it and made me pay dearly for DARING to impact their lives. Loud unpleasant complaints to relatives, right in front of me... Complaining loudly and frequently about how my mother's niece was VICTIMIZING her father, having moved into his home with her young child when she nowhere else to go. Her father didn't complain and was happy to be helping rear his precious grandchildren. He is the kind of man who personally nursed his ex wife thru her final illness and death. I signed up for food stamps and bought food for them, but they didn't even say thank you. They were even angry and resentful that my daughter had not offered a home to me -- with her and her husband and toddler in microscopic 1.5 bedroom apartment. And their lease would NOT allow another adult. So I finally managed, while paying for car repairs, insurance, etc, to finally save up $800 or so and they gaily said goodbye to me. I enrolled in one summer class, paid the deposit on my daughter's first apartment, drove her everywhere that summer, paid for all her groceries (foodstamps), bought her cigarettes and struggled to find a job. My daughter screamed and yelled at me (bipolar I), and I was so traumatized, I couldn't complete my single class - either semeser. Then she stole all the money I had left but a bit in my purse to pay her legal fees off, and threw me out that night, piling all my possessions on the sidewalk. I didn't even consider calling my parents. I knew that I was not supposed to fail and show back up on their doorstep. That wasn't in the plan. I slept in my car and on a few couches. I begged a friend with an answering machine to let me use her phone number and address while I looked for a job. I never even told my parents about what happened, how I lived, until a couple of months ago. I was ashamed for them to see me as such a loser. I found a live-in position as a maid and cook. Solved both problems - money & housing. But never again will I do it. It is a nightmare to be in constant fear of losing both at the same moment because they no longer need you or their kids convince them to fire you. Worst part, now that I had a "home", my parents made me take all the possessions I had ever left with them. I didn't live in a garage apartment, I lived in a warehouse. This second time when I asked them for help while I sought mental health intervention, I spent my entire allotment of food stamps on the family and ate very cheap for myself, but my mother told my dad I never did more than buy the occasional loaf of bread or gallon of milk, and that I spent all the rest of the $120/month on myself. What? Filet mignon and truffles? Had to keep up their self-image of being USED AND ABUSED by the FREELOADER. I paid rent of $50/mo for all the EXTRA electricity I was using - for one shower a week and washing my face and one load of clothes a week? Anyway. Maybe it was my body heat making the air conditioner work harder. I did housework, yardwork, painted a cottage. Wasn't a lot more I could do. My parents told me I was not mentally ill, that I did not have bipolar. They told me that I had gotten fat to get on SSI (I wasn't THAT fat, but it made a great thing to tell people, I bet). Told me I had just TOLD the doctor my diagnosis (and apparently coerced him into passively agreeing with me??). I begged them to come to an appointment with me so they could talk to the people at the clinic and hear about my illness and how the clinic people saw my functioning and my needs - but they refused repeatedly. All they wanted was for me to leave. Even tho I lived in the cottage and they sometimes did not see me for days. I was encrouching on their lives and making them see me as a deadbeat child sponging off them. I was not being a good daughter according to the American standard shown on 1950's TV. With family like mine, living on the sidewalk can begin to sound GREAT. In fact, I was seriously considering it - VERY seriously. That's how bad it was. I planned it. What clothes I would pack in my little 20-year-old sedan. What would I need. Could I find a place to park where I wouldn't have to feed a meter or worry about getting towed. After I got SSI, lost my food stamps and moved out to a HUD apartment, they then had my sister move in for 18 months after her divorce. No complaints in front of HER and no demands for her to leave - tho some encouragement towards the end. But she was a teacher and had a good-paying job and was helping support her kids. Plus she owed them a buttload of money - they had put out $10,000 towards her divorce and more (she gets $1,000/month in alimony). What is funny is that she was paying them only a little more than I had a month, and SHE considered it her paying back the loan. But they saw it ONLY as rent and still consider her as owing them the entire amount. They still can't understand how come having an apartment and Medicaid and groceries hasn't made me able to suddenly become "well" and "act normal".... more signs of thinking I was just faking it. But now they are ashamed of me and really don't want me around local people. Image is everything. My dad asked me lately if I could move to the city so I would live far away. And as it is, I only see them once every month or two. Hardly ever talk to them on the phone. Never leave my apartment. But they want me to move away. Now THAT is sad and makes me want to cry for myself.... it really gets to you when you finally sit down and write it all out. Telling my truth. Telling the truth, tho, for MANY MORE PEOPLE THAN JUST ME. It is the truth for some of us - the ones whose families are severely disappointed in them and embarrassed by them. Teri |
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| "Thanks for this!" says: | bizi (09-18-2010) |
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