Thank you all so much. I copied and pasted the below so as not to retype most of everyting.

I lost in court today. The in-laws get the whole house. To make matters worse one of my Hank's girlfriends argued about it with me when she picked me up from court. She siad things like, "your attorney must not have done her job. All the ladies in Hanks are a bunch of busy bodies and think they know more than anybody else. I could go on about how much grief and aggravation the ladies in Hank's have caused me. One of them, Phyllis, thougth that because my in-laws already have a house I should get the one I fought for. None of the busy bodies in Hank's took into consideration the way the law really works and that not all things are admissable in court. Nancy kept telling me, "Did your lawyer say this and that?" I told Nancy from the start that I did not want to discuss it but she went on and on. When she asked me did my lawyer say this and that I told her that not everything is admissable in court. I've thought long and hard over how to deal with all my friends in Hank's and I've come up with this: When they say their negative feedback I'm going to ask them, "How is this going to make me feel better?" My friends in the neighborhood are not judmental like the ladies in Hanks'. I wanted to be with my neighborhood friends and not my so called friends in Hanks who should have more compassion and sense than the people who don't work and are in my neighborhood and who get high and such. That's like my friend Phyllis from Hanks who says I should move to get away from my next door neighbor. I asked her if she'd sell her house to get get away from a neighbor and she said no.

It's a lesson all learned in how to deal with peoepl of all types and acceptance for things for the way they are. I'm okay with things really because now I kinow in what direction to take my life. I know where my priorities should be and I know that I willl never learn all of live's lesson's before God calls me home. The journey is interesting and rewarding however hard it is. I don't have any regets, well maybe a pssing thought of a few but that's it. I will survive because I'm tough and determined. I've already started thinking of what my goals should be now without the money from the hosue. For now I will let it all sink in and continue to accept and redirect my life.

Barbara

Dear Barbara,
You are a strong lady and I am very proud that you are looking at getting on with your life.
You sound very healthy.
good for you.
beth

Barbara

I totally agree with Bizi.

And I also think you rock.

Donna

Thank you Beth and Donna. I don't feel so hot this morning. I feel worn down and beaten. I feel that life is just so unfair. And what really bothers me is that a lot of who I thought were my friends like those outside my apartment complex are not really good for me. They are very judgemental and opinionated. I didn't see it until today. That's my biggest diasppointment I believe. I had to avoid those girlfreinds after court because I knew they would have just made me feel worse like my ride did.

barbara

i SO ADMIRE YOU. You tried your best instead of not even trying...what a great leap that is...then the way you faced the decision....what a hero...now also learning and deciding that those people are toxic. It is hard when you are single and getting older and unemployed to be alone. It is easy at first to overlook a lot of other things in the other which might not be worth associating with them. With your attitude and ability to deal with life, I just know things are going to work out for you. This was a very painful learning lesson, but I bet you in the long run will think it was really worth it. You will start taking care of yourself much better and value yourself more and more.
YOU WON! and truly rock
Bobby

Dear Befuddled,
It stinks to have to go to court and not get the results you were hoping for. Sorry. :(

Regarding your friends:
I don't know. But maybe now that you have wrapped up a chapter in your life and are moving on to new things you will have a chance to meet new people and find new things to involve yourself in that bring you "bliss." :)

M.

Dear Barbara
 

Well, I'm sorry it turned out this way. :( I was rather hopeful for you. I agree with you life is unfair... or rather... i certainly feel that it is unfair. more intellectually, i think fairness is a very ummm... "confined, human concept?" so it is difficult to apply it to something so much bigger than us, and unknown as "life" ... so i toss up my hands. we just have to get on with life fair or not though.

You had a strong attitude in your other post, and i'm hoping you will bounce back soon. They say when one door closes, another opens ehhh - you know, one of those lovely platitudes to make people feel better when something doesn't go right. It has never made me feel better much, but i think the point is not to keep looking at the closed door, and it sounds like you aren't. That is commendable, and really the only constructive way to approach things.

As for your friends and neighbors, well only you can really decide who the best people are for you to be with. My only concern in your neighborhood is exercising caution since we know "the" not nice neighbor lies and can manipulate others, and at least one neighbor was somehow sucked into lying on her behalf. So my fear, from far away now, and not knowing the other neighbors or their possible strength of character, is that she may pull that stunt to "use" other people against you. I certainly hope not.

Now, even if someone uses drugs does that person will not necessarily lend themselves to be the woman's pawn. The only caution there is to stay clear of premises where there are drugs, during times use is ongoing. Because if there is a raid when people are using, pretty much everyone on the premises will be booked regardless if you never touched the stuff.

But as far as friends go, follow your heart. I just hope you have some people, neighborhood or not, that are good for you and good to you, and that honestly help sustain you. Especially at times like this.

Take care. :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Thank you Bobby, Mari, and Waves.

As my life goes along people come and go out of my life all the time. I believe that there is always a reason for each and every passer by in my life whether good or bad. For the ones no longer in my life they are gone because their purpose with me has been accomplished and are no longer needed. The toxic people I've ever allowed in my life are teaching me to learn about setting boudaries with people. I have always had a problem with boundaries so maybe that's why God keeps putting those people in my life to give me more practice with setting boundaries till I get it right.

The neighbors of mine where I live respect my wishes to not be around me if they use drugs. Not all do drugs. One is in a treatment center for alcoholics and that's it. I've had my trials with my friends here at 1st but we worked them out and now we are cool with each other. When we do have hurt feelings or anger we'll talk it out or apologize and then move on. My next door neighbor seems to have it out for me but I have to deal somehow because now I have no way to move. I know these people better and longer except the one next door, than the ones who are of outside the neighborhood and totally straight people. I do not know how to deal with the woman outside the apartment who are judgemental and opinionated. They do it in such a sneaky nice way I don't realize I let my boundaries down for them when they meddle. I have no experience in dealing with these ladies outside my apartment complex like I do my friends in the neighborhood. I will though learn how to deal because I'm not going to be able to exclude everyone out of my life because they overstep my boundaries. They would not be doing so if I set boundaries with them in a way that will work for them and I. Once I learn how to tailor make my boundaries with these ladies as they are complete opposites of what I'm use to in the neighborhood friends I will know more. If they don't accept the boundaries I set with them then I can get them out of my life.

I know that was long but I kind of wrote as I thought it out. I'm going to do some soul searching and ask for suggestions as to set boundaries with those on the outside of the neighborhood.

Good luck with that barbara,
I too have a terrible time setting boundaries or invading some one elses boundary.
beth

Thank you Beth. I called my one friends this morning who I knew would give me a hard time about what happened in court. She told me my lawyer was no good. I asked her what did she have to back that statement up. She said she was sorry maybe she shouldn't have even mentioned it even if she is right about it. I let her know I was unhappy for her comments about my lawyer and she said she has a right to express her opinion. I told her not if it hurts and upsets me. She said since we were disgreeing she was going to hang up. I see now that I don't want her in my life unless she comes around and treats me better.