Dear TRitone,
This sounds very difficult for your family.
If they were disillusioned about the issues he faces they will soon see his true nature that is unless he chooses to change his behavior and straighten up his act.
Maybe he can change?
I am very glad to hear that you are thinking about couples counseling....this should help things between you guys.
glad taht you had a nice visit with your mother and that she was nice for your visit.
beth

Dear Tritone,

Well that's some good news -- that your mother stopped drinking at a time when you could benefit from some decent family reaction.

As you know, these things with your son take time.
It's very much ok that they family he is staying with does not have the whole picture -- and think about it, how could they -- it seems very complicated to an outsider?
Maybe it is better if they don't anyway.
Stay focused on what is important. It does not matter what they think of you. It matters that they want to try to help your son -- that part sounds like a blessing. It is a fabulous thing that for now, your son is in good hands.

Try to take one day and one thing at a time. Things have a way of working out one way or another over a looooong period of time.

Good luck with graduate school.


M.

I'm glad your mom has stopped drinking. That is one less thing on your plate.

Hugs,
barbara

Tritone

I believe that your son needs this family he has found. And that at some point he will find his way back to you and your wife. It sounds so weird to say. But things happen for a reason.

And I know how hard it is to let someone else be the parents to him.

Just keep working on getting some time with him. He needs to find out
that life isn't always going to be his way.

Donna

popping in...
 

Dear Tritone,

i don't really have any special words of wisdom that haven't already been said, perhaps better than i would have - and certainly using fewer words...

but i wanted to stop in and say i have been reading this thread and i wish all of you the best.

in the midst of all this i was really glad to hear your mom stopped drinking and of your good visit with her. drinking can change how a person behaves and they often can't see it until they get out really, much less how hurtful they can be to others while drowning troubles in drink. The fact that your mom stopped in her elder years is a difficult one too. That is a real victory for her, and must be a relief and a joy for you.

i hope that your son improves with his "fostering" family. They do sound good.

and i wish you and your wife well bouncing back from all of this.

i hope things come full circle one day like Donna says and your son grows to appreciate you and your wife more.

take care and keep us posted.

~ waves ~

Thank you for all the thoughtful responses...

I spoke to a family lawyer we know up there and she basically said that there is nothing for us to do. We can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do... And we don't really have any power to enforce anything one way or another in CT.

He really needs to be in therapy. Ideally something very intensive and daily, or even residential. His Mother up in CT tends to completely deny everything - but he really needs it. He also needs to be enrolled in school, even if there are only a few days left... but there isn't much I can do to enforce anything from here...

My concerns were that I would be held accountable for his actions, even through he is in another state 2.5 hours away... The lawyer said no judge she's known would hold us accountable since his mother is up there and lives 5 minutes away.

So I think we are just going to let the situation alone...

I joined a gym near my job and just got through my second week of going regularly. My body is still in "uh, what do you think you are doing..." mode... but I feel better for it. I was able to get by on one less Seroquel last night. The goal is to not take it at all... I'm down to the Emsam patch and a small dose of Lithium everyday, and then Seroquel at night. It seems to be working pretty well so far.

I was on the stationary bike today and had my headphones - and I found if I listen to heavy metal music and get my heart rate to around the same pace as the music, I can close my eyes and my mind goes blank! I mean no racing thoughts or anxiety. It sounds really stupid - but I'm serious. It was like an opiate high in that respect. I thought to myself it was a few moments of real inner peace that I haven't felt in a long time. Even at home trying deep breathing something *always* jolts me right out of it and I go into a kind of "mild panic" - maybe some of you know what I mean...

So far, I deal with it by either reading, watching TV, playing music, or doing computer work - but these are more like "distractions" - my thoughts actually came to a stop today for a few minutes and it was pretty cool.

thank you for checking back in
and that is so cool about your momentary nirvana....
I think they call that the runners high???
I take .5mg of klonipin to sleep at night but am also on geodon,
I went off ambien last summer and did not sleep for about 4 months...thankfully the klonipin and the increase in geodon does the trick.
we have to sleep!
beth

cool
 

Hi Tritone,

thanks for checking back in... and...

i thought this was really WOWWWW. :D if i had a way to get my heart rate up (can't run, have no gym or equipment etc) i would try this for myself! Definitely will keep it in mind. and it did NOT sound stupid!!!! thank you for sharing that.

Take care...

~ waves ~