[bizi]

Dear Waves,
I am glad that you posted.
It is so hard experiencing grief alone.
know that we are here for you.
If you want to jsut get the feelings out here do that without going into the details...that is fine.
I am sorry you are grieving...grief takes as long as you need it.
((((HUG))))
beth

[waves]

Dear Beth,

thank you for the thread. i might do that... i will think about it... a little later on. i have been crying too much as it is, my eyes are ready to fall out of my face. so right now, i am so-so and i don't want to get myself started just yet. i just had hot milk and am hoping to sleep some instead of crying all night.

but i will be back. it will be back.

it hits me in hard, crashing... and crushing ... waves.

~ waves ~

[befuddled2]

Waves,

I'm thinking of you. We'll be here for you.

Barbara

[Dmom3005]

Waves

Sending some hugs and thoughts.

Donna

[BJ]

Waves grief does come down crashing, like huge tidal waves, and out of the blue. Everything you are feeling is normal.

I just want to share something with you.

5 myths about grief

The Myth

1. We only grieve death.
2. People should leave grief at home.
3. We grieve in slow predictable pattern.
4. Grieving means letting go of the person who died.
5. Grief finally ends.

The Reality

1. We grieve all losses.
2. We cannot control where we grieve or what will trigger our grief.
3. Grief is an uneven process with no timeline.
4. Grieving means going on with our life; while maintaining memories, connections, and feelings of grief and loss.
5. Over time, most people learn to live with loss.

It takes time Waves

[Mari]

Dear Waves,

Please be as ok as you can.


On this path sometimes, it is good to let yourself be.
Perhaps (I don't know, not expert, but trying) it is good to let yourself be who you are and where you are.

Maybe those two statments contradict each other.
But maybe not. Maybe you can do both: try to be ok and also fully be where you are.

M.

[mymorgy]

I hope you don't think I wasn't caring yesterday. I wanted you to laugh to relieve you of some of the pain you are experiencing. I know the pain. I have been in it for about six months. Grief is so consuming. Maybe there is a divine plan. Oh for enlightenment. May your pain ease.
love
bobby

[bizi]

Dear Waves,
Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you.
I am sad that you have to grieve and go thru this.
know that you are not alone.
we are here for you.
(((((HUGS))))
beth

[waves]

well, here i am at 3.30 am again, gonna try to sleep.

past few nights have just cried. in the day i am in a crummy irritable leemmealone sorta mood half down, half numb. then at night when i finally settle down to sleep it seems this huge chasm opens up and wants to devour me from the inside.

i have been wanting to die.

these feelings of annihilation have always caused me to want to die.

(don't worry, i don't have the guts to attempt it by my own hand.)

thank you every one for being here. it means a great deal to me.

Donna and Barbara, for your wishes and presence.

Bobby, it is ok, i understood you were trying to cheer me up i never thought you were uncaring don't worry. i just was uncheerable. i laugh stiltedly at supposed-to-be-funny stuff on tv when i watch with housemates and am expected to laugh.

BJ thanks for the bits on grief. i don't think this will ever end. i need it to be better somehow though. i cannot handle this degree of pain ... it seems only to increase. perhaps because it is coming out of hiding. i don't know.

Mari, on being where i am... i think i have no choice... i feel so floating and helpless right now, there is not much else to be. i have no energy to try to change anything. i don't even have desires to do or change anything. the only desire would be... not to be anywhere at all. nothing is moving forward. it is as though i have already died. in fact part of me has. the rest is just about ready for composting.

Beth... i don't know what to say. again, thank you. by the way i managed to answer your mail finally.

i'm losing consciousness perhaps sleep will happen before tears tonight. off i go then.



~ waves ~

[Mari]

Dear Waves,
I hope that you sleep.
I am so sorry that you are hurting.
M.