Passive Agressive is me

befuddled2 · 12-15-2006, 03:33 PM

Hi all,

I'm afraid when I'v had enough of someone after taking things from them that person may wonder where in the heck my aggressiveness is coming from. I'm afraid I may have been harsh on a cousin last night and she may not have known where all of it was coming from. I should have expressed myself to her from the beginning with the disappointments so the disappointments would not have built up in me to be so cold last night in my email to her. This has had me feeling rather down today.

befuddled2

Mari · 12-15-2006, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by befuddled2

I should have expressed myself to her from the beginning with the disappointments so the disappointments would not have built up in me to be so cold last night in my email to her. This has had me feeling rather down today.

Dear Befuddled,
You are going through many changes right now. If you sent out a cold or slightly angry email, don't worry. (Maybe she needed to hear it anyway.)

Being angry is a good healthy honest emotion.
The same with being agressive. Maybe you were standing up for yourself and, again, you are not used to doing so.

Mari

Mari · 12-15-2006, 05:19 PM

I found this on Passive Agressive.
Sorry that I am only in the mood to post links today.
(I thought I already posted this but can't find it. If it is a double post, I apologize again. Time for nap.

http://www.mcg.edu/students/mentalhealth/PAbehavior.htm

Quote:

Passive-Aggressive Behavior

People with passive-aggressive behaviors show hostility and aggression in passive ways. Their aim is to resist job and social demands. Examples of passive-aggressive behaviors are:

-Forgetting to do something on purpose
-Making a habit of putting off or being late with social and/or job tasks
-Failing to do one’s share of the work or doing sub-standard work on purpose
-Having a constant negative attitude
-Criticizing authority figures, not openly, but in subtle ways

The goal of passive-aggressive behavior is to frustrate the wishes of others and make others angry. This anger is most often directed at bosses, roommates, spouses, parents, teachers, or anyone who has power or authority. But, sometimes, people are not aware that their behavior is purposeful.

What leads to passive-aggressive behavior?

Some researchers think that these behaviors stem from certain childhood experiences.

They believe that parents who were aggressive and exercised complete control over their child did not let the child express himself or herself. This may have pushed the child into adopting passive-aggressive behavior patterns to cope. If, for example, the child openly disagreed with the parent and was punished for doing so, the child learned to substitute passive resistance for active resistance.

A person who shows a lot of passive-aggressive behavior can have a Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder. A person with this disorder:

+Is irritable, defensive, and resentful
+Lacks self-confidence
+Has a hard time getting pleasure from relationships with others
+Feels others are making unreasonable demands on him or her, but thinks he or she is doing a better job than what they are given credit for
+Blames others for his or her problems
+Is not aware that his or her self-defeating behaviors are part of their personality

befuddled2 · 12-15-2006, 05:55 PM

Thanks Mari,

I had no idea that is how passive aggressive personalities are. I can see where in my marriage I was punished for expressing myself. I do try not to be like that with loved ones. It is an interesting article. Thank you for posting it.

befuddled2

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