I've been up since 4 a.m. today as ever since I've seen the guy I have the crush on, Bobby, I have been getting up super early. When I spoke with my friend, Phyllis, this morning I could tell she was unhappy with the converation on Bobby cause she got me off the phone real quick. She told me to get Bobby's phone number to give to her. Then she said when she gets his number she'll get get him to take up both out to eat. I told her if I go out with Bobby it will just be him and I. She didn't say anything for the longest time and I didn't say anyting either cause i was waiting for her to respond. After a long period of silence she finally told me that she guessed if her and Bobby go out she'll go out alone with him too. I told her I suppose so. When I talked to our friend Nancy after that I told Nancy what was said between Phyllis and I. Nancy said she didn't know that Phyllis liked Bobby. Then Nancy said that she didn't think that Bobby liked anyone and he was not worth messing up my friendship with Phyllis.

Well, when I went into the restuarant where I met Bobby this afternoon Nancy, her friend, and Bobby's good friend Elizabeth was all sitting at the corner table. Nancy asked me to pull up a chair so I did. I could not stop starring at Bobby and I became very nervous not really knowing why I was so nervous. The nervous feeling stayed with me for a while even after I got home. Bobby mentioned right away that he was not feeling well yesterday and went to the emergency room. He got out of the hospital today so I'm sure he told me that maybe to let me know that's why he didn't call me yet. When I told him my phone number would change when I moved he perked up and looked at me quizzically like oh yea what is it but he didn't say anything.

You know, this Bobby thing I think has me nervous cause I am falling for him and he is unknown terriotory. It scares me to get involved. I can still remember the hurt and pain with my ex and getting into a new relationship is scary. What if I get hurt again? What if I hurt him?

Barbara

I'll just say what I should said to my brothers after their first divorces.
And I should have said it again after their second divorces!

Just look for a friend first, and take your time, there is no reason to rush into anything.

There is much less chance of getting hurt if you do take the time to know the real person before you give your heart.

It can take 2 years before 2 people are real with each other.

this time frame does depend on how often you see each other and how much time you are actually spending together ...

and if it's an exclusive relationship vs "seeing others"

I think that nancy may have something with her advice to you.
JO gave you some good advice too.
I am sorry I don't have any advice to give,
time is your best friend.
I guess that is my advice to you.
beth

Barbara,

one thing is you do sound really caught up in this. now i can only speak for myself but when i start to fall for someone i usually fall quite far before i realize what's happening and feel a little bit pre-hurt and have to bail myself out of my own feelings. because what my problem is is i focus on it too much... obsess about the situation.

and it sounds to me like you are getting real focused on it ... maybe too much... don't allow yourself to obsess that is dangerous territory. you can hurt yourself without anything even happening!

Try to occupy your mind with other things... read if you can... do manual work if you prefer but anything that also engages your mind to give yourself a break from thinking about this guy.

As far as the actual relationship... pursuing one or not... i think Jo gave really good advice. To be a successful couple, ultimately, you must be able to be friends. So test that territory first. And test it WELL. And once there is a standing friendship (not just acquaintanceship or casual frienship) then you can step it up. in two words "friends first."

take care

~ waves ~

Thanks everyone. All advice well taken.

barbara