Dear BJ,

Sending you love.


M.

(((BJ)))

I'm wondering how you made out yesterday and I sure hope you were able to sleep.

I’m still feeling like a wet noodle and can't be upright for more than a few minutes at a time but at least I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, #1 is over. I thought I had an idea of what chemo would be like but I was wrong.

I had to get a shot today to build up my white cells; I can’t remember what it was called, neupo something. She told me it would make me feel achy because it's stimulating the bone marrow and was she ever right. I’ve barely been able to get up from the sofa for a few minutes without feeling so weak. Hooper’s enjoying all the cuddles though.

I really thought I was a strong person and I thought that I could power through anything that I put my mind to, but now I know that strength really has nothing to do with it. It is an oversimplification to say that you can just decide you are going to beat cancer. It is hard-really hard. Harder than anything I have ever done and harder than anything that I ever plan to do again. I have to redefine my definition of strength because the one that I had is not enough.

As soon as I feel a bit better I’ll share how my day went. It was full of waiting, anxious moments and many tears. The chemo nurses were wonderful though and helped me see through.

You take your time BJ, you're our Miracle woman and we'll keep posting even if you can't. You're AMAZING!

Dear BJ,
Your feelings about this are going to go up and down and all around.

You don't have to be strong.
(I actually gave into my bipolar a long time ago. I know that is not the same thing as you are going through)

Don't be strong. Focus on being good enough to survive when you get to the other end of the treatment.

Focus on one day and one task and do what you can. You don't even have to be your best. Do what you can. "Can" is the part you need.

You need to be here with us at the end of this process and you will be.

(I hope some of this make sense.)

M.

Dear Bj,
Thank you for getting back to us.
It sounds like it was a very hard day for you but you made it thru day one and now almost day two.
you can do this we will help you.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

i know it sounds strange but maybe you are finally learning to not be so very hard on yourself. what a painful lesson. i am relieved that the nurses are so humane..thank God you are in warm hands. thank you so much for keeping us informed
bobby

(((((((((((((((BJ)))))))))))))

Thinking about you.... Always in my mind....

I will pray for you... Life is full of miracles, and this is one....

Love to BJ

Donna

more hugs
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi