[JoJo6]

The last "reply" thingy is the only one I can post to, you in this cass, KD before you it iwas me. only the last "reply thingy

[JoJo6]

I don't know whats wrong, but I can only post to me this time lol I am going to FF and see if I can post there

[FeelinGoofy]

I guess i qualify as a care giver. I was vdw at "the other place". My MIL has just been diagnosed with a form of leukemia, she also has a lung infection that mimics TB. My FIL has slight dementia. They live in a retirement place which i work at. I'm an activities person in the alzheimers/ assisted living section. My MIL has been in the hospital now for almost a month so my husband an i have been taking care of my FIL. I also have a 16 yr old son with tourette syndrome, and a 13 year old daughter.
Between my job and my inlaws i'm quite busy with the elderly...

[Feebs]

Hi, I am Fee, I have Chronic Pain and I have been taking care of my Dad who is dying of end stage lung cancer, has dementia and Parkinsons. We have hospice here checking on him, but Mom and I are taking care of his personal hygiene, feeding and sitting with him. Its hard. He can't stand or walk anymore. So we transfer him from bed to chair. I am not supposed to lift, I can do permanant damage to myself, but I have to, he's my Dad. He only just turned 71 yrs old.

He now has become incontinent and cannot even move his bowels. He talks to passed on relatives and friends, he says they visit him at night. He is living in the past as well. This past week, he has significantly weakened, cannot speak much or won't speak at all, won't eat or drink or take any meds.

Today though, he woke up very alert which shocked me, had an appetite and requested his favorite foods.The hospice nurse just left, noticed his skin was very mottled and whispered to me, it was not a good sign. I just fed him some ice cream per his request and he was staring at me, just looking as I fed him and I saw tears. I think I know what is coming, but too afraid to acknowledge what this sudden spurt of energy is, the alertness, the no confusion at all and wanting to eat all his favorite foods, when for months he's been in his own world and for the past week, wouldn't eat or drink at all.

I am having major anxiety right now and in my heart, I am praying that maybe, just maybe he's having a good day? I've been living with my Parents since June to help out. No-one understands and I am the "Strong" one, especially for my Mom who is in denial. I haven't cried or thought about anything thats really going on with him. If I did, I would break down and not be able to care for him out of sadness. I just do what I have to for my Dad. But, I can feel the anxiety welling up inside me, I'm afraid it won't be long, I pray I'm wrong. Hospice gave us a book and he has all the signs that say, "days or hours" before they pass. I pray its wrong, I'm not ready to let him go.

Thanks for letting me share,
Fee

[JoJo6]

Feebs, I am so sorry. Yes, I would say you are a caregiver.

I went thru this with my Mom. Hospice is good, but sometimes I wished they didn't say so much, or the wrong thing.

I puzzeled over that for a long time. I think they are only trying to prepare us for the end. It's hard to even say it. My heart is very heavy for you and your family right now. My prayers are with you.

One thing with mom, she wanted to be at home. I truely didn't want this but she did so that is how we did it. As the end came, she was surrounded by her family and everything she had called home for a long time.

Maybe if you could think that your dad is with his family and that would be what he wanted. I may not be right, but if I can help, listen, please call on me, ok? my love, JoJo

[JoJo6]

Originally Posted by FeelinGoofy

I guess i qualify as a care giver. I was vdw at "the other place". My MIL has just been diagnosed with a form of leukemia, she also has a lung infection that mimics TB. My FIL has slight dementia. They live in a retirement place which i work at. I'm an activities person in the alzheimers/ assisted living section. My MIL has been in the hospital now for almost a month so my husband an i have been taking care of my FIL. I also have a 16 yr old son with tourette syndrome, and a 13 year old daughter.
Between my job and my inlaws i'm quite busy with the elderly...

Hi FeelingGoofy, welcome to the caregivers forum.

Well, I would say you were a caregiver. How on earth do you do all of that? You have to be a special person. Being Activity director is not an easy job eith.

My MIL has Alzheimer's and she is on a Nursing home. I have watched the acrivity things and they can test you. lol It is good that your inlaws are at the same place you are, makes it a bit easier to cope, but then again it can be a problem.You son and daughter need a mom and I know you are a good one, just don't burn yourself completely, ok? take care, JoJo

[JoJo6]

Originally Posted by purplegrrl

I'm purplegrrl, aka Ria. Doing what I can to care for my mother, who has frontal varient Alzheimers, severe emphasema, glaucoma and a number of other medical problems.

Even before her formal dementia diagnosis, she was assessed as needing residential aged care. A year on (and with significantly increased memory problems), she still insists she's "perfectly fit to live alone" ... she'll accept a weekly cleaning lady, but has refused/sacked any other formal support services we've tried to put in.

She doesnt sack me, so...

I tried the full-time carer thing, I really tried. I just couldnt sustain it... ended up getting too sick myself (my OWN issues include hemiplegia and intractible seizures... seizures worsened by stress and fatigue).

Now, I'm back in my own flat, and mum's by herself. Call every day, and visit 1-3 days a week (to do meds, give "to do" checklists, shop, clean out dead things from frig, put out rubbish, help with shower, change sheets and clothes, help with paperwork and finances, go to dr appt... deal with any disasters I find... do as many of those things as I CAN in the time available... never enough).

Needless to say, something's got to change... eg no showers in 2 weeks isnt good enough, and mum tells me things like "I went into the frig to get my breakfast leftovers, and found all these pills on the side of the plate", and "between the bathroom and your chart, I forget if I had my eyedrops, or if I intended to". Last week, had to travel an hour to mum's house to fill up her dosette box etc... in the midst of organising a major event. And I was seizing so much that day... (took lotsa rescue meds to calm things down... but still dont know how many mistakes I made... and mum takes 15 diff meds a day).

The dosette box stuff... that's fixable. Pharmacist can do (just need to get past mum's resistance, she doesnt trust him not to make mistakes). As for the rest, tho... going to have to look at a neuropsych reassessment and guardianship again, I think. Can see ways for mum to stay at home (if that's what she really wants)... but they involve intensive in-home services. The sort mum wont accept, because she "doesnt need them" (aint lack of insight grand )

Anyways... doing the best I can. Because of my own issues, never enough. And needing to find other solutions. Think that just about sums it up.

Ria, you are in a spot I hhhhhope I never have to beeee ever again. We had to just take MIL, she thought she was going visiting a daughter in another state. It was awful, for everybody!

Ria, you may want to post in the Alzheimer's Dementia forum. it is just down from here.I would like to talk with you again about your mom. May not be a help, but I know I have been in your shoes so to speak. WE are way past there, she doesn't know us anymore, but I may have some thing that may help you. If you want to check in the Alz.Dem. forum I will leave something so you will know its me. JoJo

[JoJo6]

Fee, I'm thinking of you. please let me know if I can help. JoJo

[Dmom3005]

Hi I'm Donna and I'm mom to three kids, 2 which are adults now one who
is 15 that has to have 24/7 adult care. He has seizures.

ANd a 90 year old mil who lives next door, and is legally blind. She does
pretty good on her own, but will call, come over or let you know if she
wants, needs or thinks you should get her anything. She also thinks
someone should come spend the day with her as much as possible.

We have finally with the help of a list found someone different for just about
everyday of the week, to come spend two or three hours a day with her,
and one of those days usually saturday my 15 year old takes he goes and
spends a few hours with her as her companion.

I help my 21 year old get his college freshman year started off, even though
he has Voc Reh. and he has tutoring at school, he dropped out of high school,
and keeping him up and going is sometimes a full time job.

My oldest is on SSI, so just making the dollars stretch for the month as
his Rep payee is a thing that is not so easy with the prices today, he has
a 4 year old that is the sunshine in my eye.

Caregiver I am to a degree but not in the same way as many of you.

Donna

[JoJo6]

Well it sounds like you're a caregiver to me With all that you are doing, don't forget to take care of you! I hope you will feel comfortable here. For those that may not know Liz, our Moderator, she is a really nice person. She's geeod at finding things such as meds. info in them and just about everything.

I'm glad you came here and hope you will get the help you need. Take care and we'll talk later.

Oh yes,
forgot to say why I was hear. I have been one of my MIL's caregivers for many years. She is in a Nursing Home not but Mr. Jo and I both try to go and help out with her as much as possible. I too have neuro problems, but I will help MIL first it it is needed.

Take care of all and I hope this forum will grow. JoJo