jaded2nite, I hear what you are saying. I don't have a lot of personal experience with alzheimers. But my 2nd Mom, next door had it and I know it was exhausting on the family. I wasn't involved like 'the family' but went thru it with them. Back in the 80's. Then I visited a dear friend last summer. His wife has stage '6' alzheimers. I was with them for a week. I know know how exhausting it is for the caretaker. And he is 79 years old. It's now just a matter of weeks before he will be forced to have her placed in a facility. He will do everything possible to keep her at home. Thank goodness he has the funds to do that.
I cared for my cancer terminal mother in the 70's when there was no aid like there is now. The 24/7 care =giving morphine shots around the clock was exhausting.
This may be way off the wall- but, because you are hearing one thing from the helpers and experiencing something different-is there a way for you to find out what is going on while you are at work-like having a friend pop in.
I hope the best for you and your Mom. Take care of yourself, loretta