After 22 years of marriage I found out my husband has brain issues that have confounded me for years. He has ADD, low working memory and learning disabilities. Also, anxiety and alcoholism. He hid it all from me except the alcoholism which he has had under control for 25 years. Now, I see why this marriage has been so difficult and unfulfilling and CONFUSING! I'm 56 and grieving over never having children. We spent 5 years working on adoption and then he "changed his mind" at the last minute! I'm working on leaving and moving on, but am still in shock about his diagnosis and trying to figure out what my life is about now. I screwed up my career-we had plans that fell through because of him. I just feel like I need to get my footing, have new goals, new friends and feel optimistic and happy once again! ANY suggestions will help. Thanks.

No expert here...but I think I can empathize.

I dealt with a diabetic spouse who had PTSD as well. I left in the fall, and started a new life. It was hard to do...so I hear you.

I can't tell you what to do.
I left my state, my home, my friends, and started over. I watched other friends try to do it by staying local...and they never quite made it work. It took a long time to gather the resources, and the courage...but here I am.

I try not to look back or regret (I know...MUCH easier said than done!)

But I think it's like walking. You have to take steps to get anywhere...and right now I am focused on what I want in my future. Let yourself feel what you need to. Grief doesn't have a clock, or a time limit.

Good luck to you...and I wish you well!

I filed for divorce at age 53 after 35 years of marriage and got on with my life, as did my ex. We didn't speak for two years. Four years later, my ex and I remarried. We refer to our divorce as one of the best bad things that ever happened to us; our marriage "sabbatical."

We've been happily married ever since. Follow your heart 'cause it always leads to better choices.