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| Caregivers Support A place for people who are a caregiver to another to find help and support. |
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02-12-2014, 01:43 PM
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Junior Member
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 Diandra thanks so much, and for all who have posted. Caregiving is the utmost act of love...acknowledging and dealing with "what is" because you have BE present with pain, yours and the family member who is in it... Much love you all of you here who travel and have traveled this road... it is the ultimate gift.  Thank you!
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02-28-2014, 09:47 AM
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#12 | |||
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Hi Debi,
We also built an apt on our home for my Mom about 2 yrs ago. My father had died and she was very lonely and had never lived alone before. Unfortunately she lived 3 hrs drive from me and I could not be caretaker from a distance and my brothers who lived nearby were not very helpful so we did not have a choice because she was beginning dementia and cannot be alone. Your Mom will acclimate...it is an enormous change for them. Change is very hard later in life. When my Mom first got here I did things to make her feel special like making her favorite meals or doing things she loved like going to tag sales or to the library, so she was grateful. She still gets sad for her house and former life but I explain it is just a new phase. We got her her first computer, an IPAD, at 89... I keep telling her that is quite an accomplishment...she uses Netflix every day, play solitaire and even has learned to use YouTube to watch clips of her favorite old comedians like Jack Benny and Sid Caesar and laughs herself silly. I cannot recommend this enough for older folks. If my Mom, now 90, with mild dementia can learn to use it, anyone can and honestly, she had never touched a computer in her life. My best, Diandra Quote:
Last edited by Diandra; 02-28-2014 at 11:57 AM. |
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02-28-2014, 09:57 AM
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#13 | |||
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Kathi,
Even though this was so tough for you, so sad, you gave your Mom enormous joy at the end of her life. I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. You sound like a wonderful daughter and your Mom was blessed to have you. Diandra Quote:
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| "Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (03-01-2014) |
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02-28-2014, 10:14 AM
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#14 | ||
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Member
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My mom used to think the internet was the devil but her mind set has changed a lot since then....I'm thinking an IPad might just be the thing for her.
We had been talking about building on for her for a few years. I told her I wanted her up here and comfortable before something happened that would make it harder for her to adapt. Which I now know was the right thing to do. It will be 4 weeks tomorrow since she moved in and she's doing well. The dementia seems to come and go which I've heard is normal. She knows her mind doesn't work right at times and actually wants to talk about it. Most seniors I've been around don't talk about that at all. She wants to know that I will be there even if her mind isn't. She came over last night and asked me if I would be putting her in a nursing home if her health got bad. I assured her I would not do that. With medicare and her private insurance plus her own funds I will be able to keep her here thank goodness. On my bad, in the bed days, she takes care of me. Bringing me meds, drinks or whatever I need and that seems to help her to. All my life I've wanted my mom with me when I felt bad and bless her heart.....she's still doing that for me. Thanks for listening.......I'll probably keep posting to this thread as my journey with my mom is just beginning again and I'm happy about it. Love you all to pieces ! 
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06-21-2014, 05:52 AM
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#15 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Dear fiends
To love unconditional Be that It's true And equal is the pain To read the love between mother and child no matter how old a child gets The truth How painful it is to love It seems to be void somewhere down this family line And when something like that is gone and maybe never even there How is it that so much time gone by and no love in return We do not ask to enter into this life as my children didn't either To read your post St George Makes me sad and happy Happy you get to experience it Sad my boy is so angry we miss out on so much He looks for reasons to hold me hostage for his unhappy life He can find only one thing The truth I hope and pray it won't be to late He has such hate in his heart towards me I wish he didn't I understand him I was him at some point in my life There is no relationship between myself and the woman who gave birth to three four girls I had a sister before me She was married to another man How torn a family be is so unhealthy To not have love from your parent HURTS
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someone who cares eva |
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06-23-2014, 06:48 AM
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#16 | ||
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Member
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Strange that I read your post right after my son decided he would 'step away' from our family for awhile
 Said he was leaving our 'world' and then proceeded to say some really mean things. He has never, ever talked to me like this before. This is a son that calls me 2 to 3 times a day. Comes over on and off all week and is usually here or at my daughter's house on the weekends because his wife works the 3rd shift on Fri, Sat and Sun nights. This is all happening because he found out something that happened when we were on family vacation last year in St George. Between his step son and biological son. They were 12 at the time....it was really stupid thing for my biological grandson to do but not something you throw your family away for. My son is 33 and as close as we have been all these years I know even if he comes back it will never be the same. There are some things you said that can never be taken back. 10 years ago I would have crawled up in the recliner and cried for days....not now.....I fought cancer and received in return SFN. I'm a stronger woman now than I have ever been in my whole life. I told him to call me if when he wanted his family back. Anywho......my mom.....Sara.......has settled in nicely in the addition. Her dementia is getting a little worse and I'm thinking we need to go up on her med. Can't remember the name now but it's on TV all the time in commercials. She's on 5 mg and I think she needs to go up to 10 mg. Caregiving for her has been pretty easy so far. It's very hard for me since I'm in bed about 3 days a week. I love having her here and have figured out not to argue with her. Just agree and go on. She keeps us laughing now with her little remarks. Something she would have been mortified if she had done it 5 years ago...lol.....my husband's aka is Ricky....we call him Bubba.....she was sitting at the dining room table the other night an called him "Ricky Dickey" and then 'Hon'....too funny since she called her mother-in-law by Mrs. ----- all her life. Just cracks us up. She stayed with my brother while we took our family vacation in May (due to the above I'm guessing that's over) and she was so glad to get 'home' to her addition. My daughter has repainted the inside of mom's house. Beautiful beach colors but she won't let her smoke in the house......a house she smoked in for 30 some odd years  But she takes it in stride and goes to the porch to smoke. Nice screened in porch.To everyone that is taking care of someone they love ...... you are a wonderful and caring person and will be repaid ten fold for doing it out of love. Take care everyone. Debi from Georgia |
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06-23-2014, 10:09 PM
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#17 | ||
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Magnate
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Quote:
Some years ago, one of my daughters and I had a very difficult and strainful situation. Thought things would never be the same. Really is surprising what time can do. The memory of good times returned. Hopefully, time will allow the sense and love that is now covered to arise fully between you and your son. Gerry |
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07-06-2014, 10:33 PM
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#18 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Wow….I just read all the post on this thread and I’m so amazed with all of you and what you are working through. I am also a caregiver for my hubby; he was diagnosed 28 years ago with Multiple Sclerosis. We have been together for over 14 years. When we met he could only walk short distances. I love him so much! In 2007 my dear Mom moved in with us. She was in slowly going through renal failure. She could take care of herself for the first few years. The last two years of her life she was so stricken with the bad stuff that comes with the disease. A week before she passed, I couldn’t care for her…she couldn’t get up from her chair, walking became very painful for her to do so there was nothing else I could do. She was in the nursing home for one week and she passed away. I got a phone call from a nurse at the home, she said Mom was nonresponsive. As I drove to the home I prayed with my Dad in mind. He passed away in 2004, cancer, he was 84. When my Dad was very close to death I told his hospice nurse that I needed to go home and get a bite to eat and get my knitting…it was my turn to sit with Dad through the night. I didn’t even make it to my home when I got a phone call from the nurse to tell me he was gone. I felt so bad because I wasn’t there with him. The nurse told that she had seen this happen often. Dad didn’t want to go with his little girl there and knew I would be with him through the night so he left while I was gone… (Sorry about the long post) Back to when I was driving to Mom at the nursing home…I started to talk to my Dad, I said Dad if Mom is like you and doesn’t want to die with me there you better take her quick because I was going to stay with her until she did go. I drove into the parking lot and ran to the door to be met by a nurse. She said that when she saw me drive in she looked at Mom and she was gone. I stayed with he for about an hour. I called some family and then went home. I will never regret having her for her last six years of her life…even when things got really bad we would look at each and just laugh. Sometimes I would get so frustrated I would go outside and scream. One time I yelled to Dad what can I do…the thought came to me as if Dad was talking to me…he said, “Love her as I do”. I got to know her so much more than any of my siblings. She is my Angel Mama just hangin out with Daddy in Heaven. My sweetheart always says, “In heaven you will wear a crown with uncountable jewels on it for all you have done for your Mom and for him.
Bless you all for all the sacrificing you do each day for your loved one! 
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My best friends live in my computer.... . Suffered with back problems since birth...7 back surgeries to date, the last one being on 5/13/2015. Fibromyalgia, PTSD, Chronic Pain “Being my sweethearts full-time care partner, I have to remind myself, when some well-meaning friend or relative questions my methods or motives, that I know more than they do because I Live this life 24/7, and they only come for short visits.” Tamiloo . Gotta love my Olhipie! Dx'd RRMS 1986, SPMS 2004 . Watch my Olhipie Skiing.... . |
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