http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/at...1&d=1391632043

Just a reminder why we work so hard to care for our aging parents. We get so deep into the day to day work and stress we forget why we are doing it.
Diandra

Attached Images

image.jpg (196.0 KB, 2478 views)

Thank you for this.....my mom, 82, build an addition on to our house and she just moved in on Saturday......she's doing ok but is missing her house very much. There is only one house between mine and hers.

She's blaming me for making her move but agrees with my reasons. I'm sure in time she will become use to her new 'place'. I try to tell her it is just like us moving when my dad was in the Air Force. They made 5 moves after I was born.....not sure how many before that.

Debi from Georgia

How thoughtful and caring. It is a heartbreaking decision not talken lightly. My mother, some years ago, blamed me because I encouraged her to sell her home. She was in her 80's as well.

The Village had sited her home for repairs needed. I was there when the two inspectors came to talk with her. While there, they found even more violations; I had tried to encourage her for quite some time to sell the house.
One of the men from the village offered to buy her home after she said something like "If someone would buy this house for at least $$$$, I would sell it . I encouraged her to accept the offer. She did.

Your mother will eventually come around. Just knowing you are nearby will become very important to her.

(p.s. Debi...sorry for spelling your name incorrectly at the top.)


Gerry

You guys are all an inspiration

[QUOTE=ger715;1049167]How thoughtful and caring. It is a heartbreaking decision not talken lightly. My mother, some years ago, blamed me because I encouraged her to sell her home. She was in her 80's as well.

The Village had sited her home for repairs needed. I was there when the two inspectors came to talk with her. While there, they found even more violations; I had tried to encourage her for quite some time to sell the house.
One of the men from the village offered to buy her home after she said something like "If someone would buy this house for at least $$$$, I would sell it . I encouraged her to accept the offer. She did.

Your mother will eventually come around. Just knowing you are nearby will become very important to her.

(p.s. Debi...sorry for spelling your name incorrectly at the top.)


Yep.....mom's electrical is out of code and needs to be redone....her 2nd bathroom floor was rotting and could not be used as a bathroom for many years and so on.

But...the good news is that my daughter and son in law, who currently live 40 minutes away in good ole Alabama, will be moving into her house and redoing it. I'm so excited on many levels....both my kids will be close, mom's house will look beautiful again and she'll enjoy seeing the renovations as they take place....I hope she will anyway

Once code violations are corrected and some painting done my daughter will be able to purchase the home at the price we just got from a .....dang it....whatever you call those people that look at houses for banks....my stupid brain isn't working right now.

No worries about the name.....real name is Debra......used Debbie until a young teenager when one of my older brothers friends spelled it Debi and I of course liked that better because he was soooo cute !

Debi from Georgia

Hi Debi,
We also built an apt on our home for my Mom about 2 yrs ago. My father had died and she was very lonely and had never lived alone before. Unfortunately she lived 3 hrs drive from me and I could not be caretaker from a distance and my brothers who lived nearby were not very helpful so we did not have a choice because she was beginning dementia and cannot be alone.

Your Mom will acclimate...it is an enormous change for them. Change is very hard later in life. When my Mom first got here I did things to make her feel special like making her favorite meals or doing things she loved like going to tag sales or to the library, so she was grateful. She still gets sad for her house and former life but I explain it is just a new phase. We got her her first computer, an IPAD, at 89... I keep telling her that is quite an accomplishment...she uses Netflix every day, play solitaire and even has learned to use YouTube to watch clips of her favorite old comedians like Jack Benny and Sid Caesar and laughs herself silly. I cannot recommend this enough for older folks. If my Mom, now 90, with mild dementia can learn to use it, anyone can and honestly, she had never touched a computer in her life.
My best, Diandra

My mom used to think the internet was the devil but her mind set has changed a lot since then....I'm thinking an IPad might just be the thing for her.

We had been talking about building on for her for a few years. I told her I wanted her up here and comfortable before something happened that would make it harder for her to adapt. Which I now know was the right thing to do.

It will be 4 weeks tomorrow since she moved in and she's doing well. The dementia seems to come and go which I've heard is normal. She knows her mind doesn't work right at times and actually wants to talk about it. Most seniors I've been around don't talk about that at all. She wants to know that I will be there even if her mind isn't. She came over last night and asked me if I would be putting her in a nursing home if her health got bad. I assured her I would not do that. With medicare and her private insurance plus her own funds I will be able to keep her here thank goodness.

On my bad, in the bed days, she takes care of me. Bringing me meds, drinks or whatever I need and that seems to help her to. All my life I've wanted my mom with me when I felt bad and bless her heart.....she's still doing that for me.

Thanks for listening.......I'll probably keep posting to this thread as my journey with my mom is just beginning again and I'm happy about it.

Love you all to pieces !

Dear fiends

To love unconditional
Be that
It's true
And equal is the pain
To read the love between
mother and child no matter
how old a child gets
The truth
How painful it is to love
It seems to be void somewhere
down this family line
And when something like that is
gone and maybe never even there
How is it that so much time gone by
and no love in return
We do not ask to enter into this
life as my children didn't either
To read your post St George
Makes me sad and happy
Happy you get to experience it
Sad my boy is so angry we miss out
on so much
He looks for reasons to hold me hostage
for his unhappy life
He can find only one thing
The truth
I hope and pray it won't be to late
He has such hate in his heart towards me
I wish he didn't
I understand him
I was him at some point in my life
There is no relationship between myself
and the woman who gave birth to three four
girls I had a sister before me
She was married to another man
How torn a family be is so unhealthy
To not have love from your parent
HURTS

Strange that I read your post right after my son decided he would 'step away' from our family for awhile Said he was leaving our 'world' and then proceeded to say some really mean things. He has never, ever talked to me like this before. This is a son that calls me 2 to 3 times a day. Comes over on and off all week and is usually here or at my daughter's house on the weekends because his wife works the 3rd shift on Fri, Sat and Sun nights.

This is all happening because he found out something that happened when we were on family vacation last year in St George. Between his step son and biological son. They were 12 at the time....it was really stupid thing for my biological grandson to do but not something you throw your family away for. My son is 33 and as close as we have been all these years I know even if he comes back it will never be the same. There are some things you said that can never be taken back. 10 years ago I would have crawled up in the recliner and cried for days....not now.....I fought cancer and received in return SFN. I'm a stronger woman now than I have ever been in my whole life. I told him to call me if when he wanted his family back.

Anywho......my mom.....Sara.......has settled in nicely in the addition. Her dementia is getting a little worse and I'm thinking we need to go up on her med. Can't remember the name now but it's on TV all the time in commercials. She's on 5 mg and I think she needs to go up to 10 mg. Caregiving for her has been pretty easy so far. It's very hard for me since I'm in bed about 3 days a week. I love having her here and have figured out not to argue with her. Just agree and go on. She keeps us laughing now with her little remarks. Something she would have been mortified if she had done it 5 years ago...lol.....my husband's aka is Ricky....we call him Bubba.....she was sitting at the dining room table the other night an called him "Ricky Dickey" and then 'Hon'....too funny since she called her mother-in-law by Mrs. ----- all her life. Just cracks us up.

She stayed with my brother while we took our family vacation in May (due to the above I'm guessing that's over) and she was so glad to get 'home' to her addition. My daughter has repainted the inside of mom's house. Beautiful beach colors but she won't let her smoke in the house......a house she smoked in for 30 some odd years But she takes it in stride and goes to the porch to smoke. Nice screened in porch.

To everyone that is taking care of someone they love ...... you are a wonderful and caring person and will be repaid ten fold for doing it out of love.

Take care everyone.

Debi from Georgia

Love that photo. It is so true.