Hello!

Looking for some feedback/support. My partner of 6 years suffered a brain injury in 2012. He was hospitalized for several days while they monitored him for a subdural hematoma. He didn't end up needing surgery. His recovery was tough, though -- for months he experienced light sensitivity, concentration issues, dizziness, pronounced anxiety, etc. He recovered from the immediate post-concussion syndrome, but he's never been the same. I should also mention that he suffered from one (mild) concussion prior to the 2012 incident and one following.

He's always had anxiety issues, but in the years since the accident, depression became his major affliction. He struggled with school. Last year, he started on Effexor. His prescriptions come from our family doctor. He was seeing a therapist to monitor his progress, but recently stopped attending his appointments.

Since the incident, he's been like an entirely new person. December 2013, he abruptly moved out while I was grieving a loss in my family (he's always been very supportive of and involved with my family, so this seemed particularly atypical behaviour for him). He insisted that it was "good for our relationship" and would "be like starting from the beginning". We stayed together until that summer, when he called it off. He's broken it off several times since then, always (like clockwork) telling me he misses me one month later, only to eventually (3 weeks following that) break it off again. This has happened four times this year, with the most recent breakup happening last week.

His emotions seem to waver wildly from day to day. In the last year alone, he's dropped out of school and alienated most of his friends. I am the only consistent source of support in his life (he has a rocky relationship with his family, and they live in a different city from us). Every few weeks he falls into a frightening state of anhedonia and apathy, where he says extremely cruel things about people and myself. During his good weeks, he's the loving and supportive person I remember from years ago. But when he's trying to break it off he cites "being confused" and "wanting a relationship but not wanting a relationship", "loving me more than anyone in his entire life, but not wanting to be good and fair to me". He made it clear that he's grappling with feeling like he wants to sleep with other people (and apparently did so while we were broken up), despite that fact that his antidepressants have made it difficult for him to orgasm. He recently asked for an open relationship, something I've made very clear at the beginning of our relationship is an impossibility for me. This is something he knows very well about me.

This is what I mean. The things he says when we're breaking up don't really make sense in the context of our relationship, or even based on what he already knows about me. It's frustrating because nothing seems to make sense.

Has anyone gone through something similar? I realize that there is a possibility that our relationship might have ended in exactly the same way if he hadn't had the injury, but I've known him for so long and I honestly feel that something's off. I'm also a graduate researcher doing my PhD in neurodegenerative diseases including CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy), so please believe me when I say that I'm not really not just some lovelorn girl trying to gaslight a boyfriend who wants to leave me. One of researchers at my institute citing a 50% divorce rate among people who suffered from TBI (presumably due to the marked personality/behavioural changes that accompany the injuries).

The relationship is currently over (again), and I've resolved to stay away from him for fear of putting myself through terrible emotional duress, but I still love and think the world of this person. While I accept that being together is not healthy for me right now, I still worry about him constantly.

I know that these types of behavioural changes are more commonly associated with more severe types of brain injuries (at least, more data is available on this). Has anyone experienced something similar with concussions? I don't know. I guess I wanted to talk to someone, too. My friends tell me that he's not my problem anymore, and that I need to move away from a relationship that's been very painful for me. I agree and I fully intend to stay away from him the next time he reaches out, saying he misses and loves me. But I also am worried about him and don't want to leave someone alone when they need support. We do have the same family doctor, and I wasn't sure if I should open up about my concerns (especially those regarding his avoiding therapy). Really, any opinions/insight would be greatly appreciated.