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08-23-2015, 10:38 PM | #1 | ||
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Magnate
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Hi, I was glad to learn of time enjoyed together. The fact your husband was able to admit he felt like he was in "this little prison in his life" is a good sign he wants to change. It does not feel good for him either. Will most likely continue with ups and downs; but hopefully there will be more "ups" coming for both of you. He probably does not like himself either when he says these hurtful things or gives the "silent treatment". It is a punishment for both of you which neither of you deserve. Pray your endurance will bring joy into your lives; but remember you also must do things that you enjoy "just for you". Gerry |
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08-24-2015, 10:35 PM | #2 | |||
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Junior Member
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It's been a few days.... Things are steady here. I avoid any conflict by basically...avoidance. I know that is not the way to do things in a normal situation, and have never handled things like this before in our marriage. But with the brain injury, I am finding out that sometimes things are not worth arguing or debating. I am not trying to be "right" anymore, like I might have been before this happened to him. SOmetimes it gets me mad because I see a lot of his his personality flaws that he's always had. Just magnified. What I didn't like before is much worse. We have been pretty peaceful since the silent treatment. Civil conversations etc. I avoid him when he is irritable. He did come home from his ballgame the other day mad. Evidently the guys were not taking his suggestions and he stomped off mad and went home. When he told me about it, I just remarked "well its a good thing it is only a game" HE got quiet and left the room. Not what he wanted to hear, I guess. He is having these altercations more with other people. at work as well. He is hard to be around. I feel bad for him, but I can see why he is being alienated more and more. I cannot believe how much I am changing to accommodate this new person in my life. I would never have handled things this way years ago. It would have been fireworks! |
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08-24-2015, 11:28 PM | #3 | |||
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Senior Member
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Hi falldc,
I had to laugh, rather heartily, along with you, of course! Your last sentence struck a chord with me. It sounds like you are adjusting and trying to make the best of things. It's interesting, I have found when I make a shift in my usual stance, soon thereafter, the other person also makes a shift. Our initial shift creates space for someone else to also shift. I find this often helpful. As you keep your cool and take things in stride, avoid conflict, he may follow your lead. Sounds like things aren't ideal-- when are they ever in real life. Sounds like the situation is improving? I am very impressed with the fact that you sound like you are in a very different space, a less stressed, more healthy space? It's great to hear from you! Continue taking good care! DejaVu |
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08-25-2015, 09:47 PM | #4 | |||
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Junior Member
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I know that it can turn on a dime though. He will get nasty when something sets him off. One major thing I have noticed is his lack of motivation. I read that is a common complaint from frontal brain injuries. He admits that he has no motivation to do anything. He works and that is about it. Which I am thankful for. But sitting in front of the tv is not healthy. I am going to start going to yoga class once a week after one of my work days. I think the yoga and meditation that is a part of the class will be a good thing. |
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08-25-2015, 10:34 PM | #5 | ||
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Magnate
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Glad you are doing for yourself what will be good for both you and your husband as well. Gerry Last edited by ger715; 08-25-2015 at 11:52 PM. |
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08-27-2015, 03:14 PM | #6 | |||
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Senior Member
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It's tough whenever anyone has a history of "turning on a dime." It can be like walking on egg shells. It can be dealt with if we know it can happen at any time and can accept this, for however long it goes on. I think this feature may be very difficult for the person to control without some professional intervention. Some people cannot see that they turn so quickly, they seem to lack insight into this, even when people around them talk with them and try to create more awareness. It's much the same as trying to control impulses. (If he is aware of this, I am guessing he possibly feels regret.) The lack of motivation can be from frontal brain changes and/or from depression. I am having good luck with Wellbutrin SR (bupropion SR). I was feeling very drained of energy since my concussion. Very severe blah and useless, which was making the situation even worse. Wellbutrin has helped to give me some energy (both physical and cognitive energy), enough to override the formerly overwhelming sense of "inertia." (I'd felt so useless and so guilty for not being able to get beyond the major inertia.) Everyone around me has noticed a difference and has commented. I am more active during the day and evenings now, and sleep much more soundly because I am truly physically tired. I am feeling more hopeful, less guilty about what I can/cannot do and am doing things I enjoy with the extra energy. I have always like to have fun! I am back out there, having fun with hubby and with friends/family. I still have limitations, yet there is an improvement. We are looking for "Progress, not perfection." So glad you are finding interests and pursuing them! Yoga and meditation can be so helpful! Keep on taking great care! Warmly, DejaVu |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | ger715 (08-27-2015) |
09-08-2015, 03:58 PM | #7 | ||
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Magnate
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Just 2 quick issues. Please vent to someone other than your daughter--talk to a friend, a therapist, a minister, but not your daughter because it could effect her relationship with him.
Also, if you love to travel, why not plan a trip with your gfs or daughter? |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | ger715 (09-08-2015) |
09-13-2015, 06:40 PM | #8 | |||
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Junior Member
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Hi Litlove and Dejevu,
It's been awhile since I have peeked on this site. I am really feeling down right now. I don;t like using the term "depressed" but I sure as he** am not feeling up. I feel like crying. I need someone in my life. Walking through my neighborhood we jsut moved to is so beautiful, there is so much to see and enjoy and talk about. I have no one to talk to about it. I am alone walking. I am near tears now just thinking and writing about it. Totally depressing. I tried to talk to him earlier about "us" and how we have gone theroug a bad period and that we will get through this and that I feel like we are getting through it. He looked at me and said "well you're not even letting me watch this show on tv right now!" I'm bummed that i have no one I can talk to. I am depressed that he is sitting in the great room with the tv on blasting as always. depressed that when I try to sit and talk to him, he keeps glancing at the tv and I know he wants me to leave ....and its just a commercial. I can only talk so much to the kids about this. sundays are the worst days for me. I really need to get busy on sundays doing something. Eveyrone is doing something with family. sorry for venting and I do agree with you that venting to my daughter is not fair to her or to him since that is her father. My neighbor that I befriended and who is widowed expressed an interest in traveling sometime with me. My husband is actually encouraging it. We went to an event in our community last night. He was totally different than what he used to be. He sat there just staring off in space while I talked with people at the table. I think he gets overwhelmed in groups with the noise level. He can't hear well to begin with. I had to pull him in the conversation over and over. Sometimes we will have a good day or part of a day, and I get a glimmer of hope. But then all of a sudden he will turn on me for something I say or do. again....this too shall pass, as they say. Sundays are just a bummer for me. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | ger715 (09-17-2015) |
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