Hi Debi,
Somehow, I knew you would be the first to reply.

You did help.

Sadly, my nasty brother and I are co-executors of my Moms life and he warned me he was going to "Sue my aXX" when my Mom passed. A lovely guy. All he cares about is money. As I told him, how sad that he has made that a priority over his entire family, including his mother and only sister. Even his grown kids complain that is all he talks about when he rarely calls them.

No, there is nothing in writing about paying brother back, as a matter of fact, the financial advisor called him because initially he refused to sign off on withdrawing the money. She said, what does he expect to do with your Mom, just leave her? So, she called him, got him to sign off and had my Mom write and sign a letter that states she agrees with the withdrawal of the money to build an apt in my home. She said, with YOUR family, you need protection.

The reason we are not moving my mom with us is because we are going to be very far from the entire family and they don't visit when she is close, if she far, they will never come see her and I don't think that is fair to her. Also, we want to be free to travel or do what we please. When someone is in assisted living, they still need support and management and I can barely take care of myself right now.

I do agree, I may tell her and she will just forget.
I was thinking today, I may not be able to drive the 3 hrs to her but, I can hire a truck to bring my mothers things she needs,like her special recliner, her temperpedic bed, all her books and music, to her now and just drive with whomever I hire to drive the truck. I will call and just tell her we are bringing some of her things and tell her what is going on when I am there.

I just feel so bad for her but, I do have to take care of myself and focus on me and my husband. He has been a trooper through all this, has done more for my Mom than all my family combined. He is retiring and I owe what little energy I have to being with him. I hope it doesn't hurt you for me to say that knowing you just lost Bubba. I apologize if that is insensitive Debi.

I think of you all the time and am so sad for the grief you are dealing with.
Debi, the good thing is, you had a good man, a good marriage and loved deeply.
I know that only makes the pain worse but you had so many good years and lovely children and many folks never have that. I hope beautiful memory soothe you.

Sorry for being so self absorbed in this thread. These issues with my Mom taunt me all day long because they are unresolved...the thoughts are getting obsessive , like a hampster on a wheel. I just can't make them stop until I resolve it.

Thanks for your input dear one. I appreciate your kindness and compassion in reading through my very long post.

You have been, and continue to be, such a good daughter to your Mom. She is lucky to have you. Will you adopt me?

My best to you and your family,
D.

I so get what you are saying about you and your husband. I had to make some harsh rules for my mom before Bubba had his surgery in May. It drove him crazy to come home everyday and my mom be in the kitchen when he just wanted to go lay across the bed and talk to me.

At that time she was ok mentally and coming to my house at 10 every morning and staying until 4 pm. I had to tell her that at 4 she needed to go home and if she needed me during the evening to call me. She would just walk in and around our house until she found me. She would wake me up if I was asleep which drove Bubba crazy because he knew of the pain I was in.

I had promised myself that we were going to spend more time together doing things we wanted to do when he got well......so you can do that for me with your husband. Go and love each other. Your mother had her time and now it's your time. It's not like you are putting her on the side of the road. She will be taken care of.

Bless you and I have you in my thoughts and prayers daily. It's amazing to me how on the internet (this is the only site I use) get so close to people and us just 'get' each other. Just like a next door neighbor.

Debi from Georgia

That is so true. Debi is such a comfort and a blessing to our community. I am in awe of how she has such compassion and offers such comfort to others while she is in the midst of grieving the loss of her husband.

She has such a selfless nature and sacrifices herself so often for others.

I am so glad she is here for you in your time of need and for all of us.

I know that my life has been blessed by her.