Hi Kendyll,

My apologies. I had misunderstood, somehow.

Yes, it sounds like your husband experiences "dissociative identity disorder."
It's quite an accomplishment to have this degree of cooperation with different ego states. Congratulations to you on conducting yourself in a manner where there is such a high degree of trust.

Yes, you are a team.

If your husband goes into crisis on a regular basis, I'd suggest he utilize a daily self-care plan. Since his crises seem to happen when he is not taking the best care of himself, it's wise for him to be sure he is taking good care everyday. There are self-care daily sheets, which list tasks which must be achieved daily. Some people use these sheets, check off the tasks, and additionally note mood changes, stress levels, hours of sleep and other information, which tips themselves, and loved ones, off when at the very beginning of showing behaviors which precede crises. There are also lots of different types of mood charts available online, which can be modified to gather the daily information you both may find helpful for intervening early.

It's critical to identify any/all "triggers."

These types of self-management skills are often taught in CBT programs, as well. Many of these programs are taught intensively as outpatient day programs (over 3-4 weeks).

Does your husband work with a therapist and/or psychiatrist?
If his PTSD is set off often, it may be helpful to have this more fully evaluated, obtaining an opinion on treatment methods which may be helpful. There is a lot of news in the area of PTSD treatment. Much has changed, or is changing.
Peter Levine, Bessel van der Kolk, Pat Ogden are just a few on the cutting edge and I think each have written fairly new books, outlining the latest theories for effective treatments in PTSD. These approaches are mind-body types of approaches and have shown great promise in many different populations with PTSD.

A psychiatrist may be able to suggest a medication which may prove helpful, especially if/when your husband is feeling overwhelmed and/or triggered by stress. Sometimes, a short-term medication may help him to remain compensated, or recompensate more quickly.

You might also contact your local NAMI group to see what they have to offer for additional options.

Again, my sincere apologies for the mistake. I must have been very tired when I was trying to respond.

I hope this helps. Please continue to ask questions, as there are many members here with differing experiences and opinions.

Warmly,
DejaVu

Hi Kendyll,

I did a quick search simply using the terms "daily self-care list" and came up with pages of lists and charts for daily activities, including yet not limited to daily stress levels, daily exercise, daily eating patterns, daily goal-setting -- both fun and chores/tasks, nightly sleep patterns, etc.

Many of these types of charts can be modified to track anything we find helpful.

A part of the purpose of the use of these types of tools is to help to keep focus and to stay grounded, re-directing attention and completing tasks which also creates some distraction from the emotions/stressors which may contribute to a crisis.

Just an example, one site of many:
http://www.depressiontoolkit.org/toolsandchecklists

Don't let the name throw you off, there are many tools/checklists which can be helpful with more than depression.

As for PTSD, when it's triggered, it can definitely set off fragmentation and chaotic switching between ego states. It's best to catch this and try to defuse this as early as possible.

It's always wise to have crisis plans in place.
Some areas have crisis centers, with respite "homes" or centers, where people can go and stay while in crisis, until things settle down and are stabilized. These types of programs are staffed 24/7 by people trained in crisis management. Often, family can visit and join in the activities of the center, as long as this is helpful to the person in crisis.

I do understand why hospitalization may not be your first choice.
I know, in my region, it is rare the hospital units have a bed for any crisis. A totally different organization has crisis beds and "respite" beds (which are meant to stabilize the person in crisis, as well as to give the family/caretaker a "respite" in the meantime).

More and more programs also have some form of "peer coaching" available. There are various types of programs set up with peer coaching. Some are over the phone, some visit the home and/or do social activities together, etc. The goal is to assist the person in identifying triggers and learning ways to remain grounded, without repeatedly going into crisis.

I truly admire your dedication to trying to find helpful approaches. I can sense your love for, dedication to, your husband and the welfare of everyone in your family. I hope you can find truly helpful information/assistance in your community.

Again, my humblest apologies for my initial error.

Warmly,
DejaVu

I've downloaded the Crisis Booklet from NAMI, and we've talked a bit more about what to do BEFORE things get to that state.

Unfortunately, We may be looking at another one...Fortunately, the kids are back with their mom right now.

He's been trying to find a job, and what he's after requires a fair amount of red-tape hoops. He's been stressing almost every day about "why hasn't" this come through and "why haven't they called yet?" Now today he found out there are a couple of problems with his background check - one with the state courts, and one with the FBI. The state probably has to do with child support (he still owes money from being unemployed). The FBI we have NO CLUE - although I suspect it has to do with the one year he did in college teaching English over in Sichuan). He's flipping out...

I'm trying to remind him of the coping skills and the self-care stuff, and he doesn't want to hear it right now. He's even told me that it feels like he's flashing back to 2010 (a certain event) all over again! but he then tells me that he's fine and I need to stop trying to "shrink" him because he's right and I just don't understand.

It's as if when he gets stressed out, his brain just starts cross-firing and all logic goes out the window. *sigh*

Thank you for the suggestions. I'll look into them, and talk them over with him when he's doing better.

How do you all keep from getting dragged down the rabbit hole?